Need
by Boo1
Summary: Buffy gets an unexpected visitor.
1. Default Chapter

Title: Need  
Rated: R Category: Drama  
Disclaimer: Like you'd think for a moment that these characters were mine. Just having fun while Joss isn't looking.  
Spoilers: Takes place right after - and I mean right after - the S6 episode Dead Things. There are no spoilers for any eps after Dead Things.  
Distribution: You want it, take it. Just let me know.  
Feedback: Yeah, ya say you're goin' call but ya never do. Swanrvr80@aol.com  
  
PART ONE  
  
"What's okay about that?"  
  
"It's not that simple," answered Tara, glancing at the staircase behind them. She thought she had heard someone but it must've been her imagination.  
  
"It is! It's wrong. I'm wrong. Tell me that I'm wrong, please..."  
  
Buffy couldn't hold back any longer and the tears began to flow.  
  
"Please don't forgive me, please...please don't..." begged Buffy, sobbing uncontrollably now. She slid off the table onto the floor, kneeling as she put her head in Tara's lap. Tara hesitated, then awkwardly raised her hands to hold Buffy's head.  
  
"Please don't forgive me..." cried Buffy, her voice muffled.  
  
Tara was unsure of what to do, how to comfort Buffy. If this was Willow...Tara gently stroked Buffy's hair with one hand.  
  
"Don't tell anyone. Please!"  
  
"I won't. I promise," soothed Tara.  
  
"The way they would look at me...I just couldn't..."  
  
"Buffy, shhh...don't cry," whispered Tara, still stroking Buffy's hair. "Don't you think I understand? I've had to hide who I am...even from you."  
  
Sniffing, Buffy slowly raised her head and looked at Tara with red, puffy eyes. Tara smiled.  
  
"You think it's easy loving another woman, even today? Sure, I'm out, but...but you wonder about people judging you and, and as far as public displays of affection..."  
  
"Tara, no. I..."  
  
"I'm only saying that it's okay to have these feelings. It doesn't make you a bad person," smiled Tara.  
  
Buffy's lower lip was trembling but, still crying, she tried to smile back.  
  
On the staircase behind them, hidden from view, sat Willow, her eyes wide open and her face just a little more pale than usual. She swallowed once and nervously leaned forward to peer around the corner.  
  
"Thank you," managed Buffy, her voice barely a whisper. Tara stopped stroking her hair and rested her hands on Buffy's shoulders.  
  
"If you ever need to talk or, or..."  
  
"I know," sniffed Buffy, wiping her eyes. "Thank you, Tara. I, I couldn't talk about this with Willow. Not yet."  
  
"Maybe...maybe if I w-wa-was there. With you, I mean. W-When you tell her," winced Tara.  
  
"Tara...you're nervous about seeing Willow?"  
  
Tara looked away, the ache plainly there on her face.  
  
"I'm sorry. Okay, uh, maybe. Thanks. I'll think about it. Um...ya know, I think I should walk you home now," said Buffy, standing up.  
  
"Oh, you don't have to," protested Tara.  
  
"I want to," insisted Buffy, holding her hand out to help Tara up. Tara smiled and let Buffy help her, eyes on their clasped hands as she stood. She tried to let go but Buffy held on to her. Tara met Buffy's gaze as Buffy put her other hand over Tara's as well.  
  
"I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable, going behind Willow's back like this. She's my best friend, and I just can't...I don't think she'd understand. I know she wouldn't!" sighed Buffy.  
  
"Buffy, the first time she told you about me, what was your reaction?" asked Tara.  
  
"I...I was thrown. But just a little!" added Buffy, her face turning red.  
  
"And then?" prodded Tara, smiling. Buffy gave Tara's hand a little squeeze and then let go.  
  
"I get it," nodded Buffy. "Thanks."  
  
"Don't be afraid of what you're feeling. And, when you're ready, you should tell her."  
  
Buffy took a deep breath and nodded. When they walked by the staircase it was empty.   
  
*****  
  
Buffy softly shut the door behind her and made her way up the stairs. She paused for a moment in front of Willow's closed door. Her light was still on and for a moment she considered knocking. But Buffy simply didn't have the energy. Walking into her room without turning the light on, she slipped out of her pants and slid under her covers, shivering for a moment in the cold bed. Closing her eyes, she slowly exhaled, puffing out her cheeks.  
  
She knew he was there even before she felt him ease into the covers beside her. Not long ago she would've been angry at this intrusion or at least nervous about Dawn or Willow finding him here in her room. Still, opening her eyes she glanced at the door to make sure it was closed before she rolled over to face him. She allowed him to see just a hint of smile before it faded, receding like water melting into sand.  
  
The moonlight from the window silhouetted his form but kept his face in shadow. Buffy raised herself up on one elbow, staring at him, taking in his lithe body. Her lips parted, eagerly awaiting his kiss and yet so enjoying the anticipation, knowing what was to come. And yet...there was something different about him this time. It took a few moments, but then she understood.   
  
Gone was the urgency, the hunger. The insatiable need. Sensing her hesitation, Spike slowly raised a hand and gently brushed her cheek, his fingertips merely glancing across her hot skin. Buffy narrowed her eyes and bit her lower lip. He held her gaze and simply smiled. And for this first time since they had been together, Buffy was afraid. No, not afraid, just...nervous. He had told her that he loved her, had actually said the words out loud.  
  
And she had cringed.  
  
But now, right now, he was showing her what he felt. As Spike cupped her cheek with his palm, she leaned into it ever so slightly. Lost in his eyes, Buffy saw both happiness and pain, bliss and fear. And still he stared into her.  
  
Buffy looked away.  
  
His hand pulled away but Buffy still couldn't look at him. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath and in one practiced motion eased her blouse over her head, shaking her hair as she tossed it aside. She reached behind and unsnapped her bra, letting it slide free of her shoulders. When she finally raised her eyes to again meet his, she was startled by his reaction. Spike wasn't looking at her body. No. But he was still smiling. He held out a hand to her, his eyes not once leaving her own.  
  
Buffy cautiously and apprehensively lay down beside him on her back. Encouraged by a soft nudge, she lay on her side with her back to him. First brushing her hair from her neck, Spike wrapped an arm around her, cupping a breast.   
  
And he simply held her.  
  
Buffy nervously swallowed, her eyes darting about, her body trying to understand what he was doing. Sensing her tenseness, Spike kissed the nape of her neck. And Buffy closed her eyes. He didn't have to speak. Buffy finally understood. This was about trust, about merely listening to her breathe, holding her...this was love. Buffy nestled closer against him and relaxed, trying not to think, only trying to savor the significance of her skin against his. This was just so unexpected, so unforeseen. She smiled as his lips again caressed her neck, his breath a whisper, a promise...  
  
His breath.  
  
Buffy bolted up in bed and turned, looking down at him. And gasped. Shocked, one hand flew to her mouth and she stared in disbelief. It wasn't Spike that lay with her.  
  
It was Giles.   
  
He lay there, just looking at her, a ghost of a smile upon his lips. But there was such sadness in his eyes. He was shirtless and maybe more, the sheet wrapped around his waist. And then he did smile...  
  
Terrified, Buffy sat up and opened her eyes, her hands gripping the sheets, a cold sweat swiftly chilling her. She was alone. The bed beside her was empty.   
  
"I've got to stop eating those chicken nuggets from the Doublemeat," sighed Buffy.   
  
She noticed three things at once. Her blouse in a crumpled heap on the floor, the curtains moving from a breeze through a window she hadn't left open, and an impression on the bed next to her. As if someone had been laying there.  
  
"Spike," spat Buffy, venom in her voice.  
  
She shook her head and traced the sunken sheets beside her with a hand. And knotted her eyebrows together, at first in confusion. And then in fear.  
  
The bed beside her was warm.   
  
*****  
  
Rubbing her eyes, Buffy stumbled into the kitchen and almost didn't notice Willow sitting at the table. She didn't look up at Buffy. Instead she just idly pushed around her now very soggy cereal with a spoon.  
  
"Hey. Morning," mumbled Buffy, making her way over to the counter to pour herself a cup of coffee.  
  
"Hey," managed Willow, putting her spoon down. Buffy paused in mid-pour and glanced back at Willow.  
  
"Um, Will, don't take this the wrong way...what I mean is, well, it's just...I'm concerned, you know? You look..."  
  
Willow raised her eyes but quickly lowered them again.  
  
"Rough night?" winced Buffy, ignoring her coffee and pulling a chair out to sit down next to Willow.  
  
Willow nodded.  
  
"Didn't get much sleep?" asked Buffy.  
  
Willow slowly shook her head once.  
  
"Wanna talk about it?" yawned Buffy.  
  
Willow took a deep breath and again looked at Buffy. She began to say something but hesitated and then, her mouth slightly open, changed her mind and lowered her eyes.  
  
"No," sighed Willow.  
  
"You sure? Because I..."  
  
"Buffy, was there someone here last night? I...I, um, thought I heard voices," shrugged Willow.  
  
"Oh. Um...no. No, just me, probably talking to myself. Oh! I didn't wake you, did I?" frowned Buffy.  
  
Willow didn't say anything for a moment and when she realized that she was staring at Buffy she shook her head as if to clear it.  
  
"What? Oh! No. No, I wasn't sleeping, remember? Hence the lack of waking up. Uh, you know, I'm not really hungry," said Willow, standing up and dumping the contents of her cereal bowl into the trash under the sink.  
  
"Willow?"  
  
"Hey, you know, I'm kinda beat. I think I'll go back to bed, try to get some sleep," announced Willow with a nod, already walking away before Buffy could object. Buffy stood up.  
  
"Willow."  
  
Willow stopped and turned back to face her friend.  
  
"Buffy, you look a little beat yourself. Why don't you join me? Oh, not, I mean...in separate beds, of course! To sleep. In a not together thingy. I mean, you don't...at least I...no, you...well, you know what I mean," winced Willow. Buffy wrinkled her eyebrows in reply.  
  
"Not really," frowned Buffy.  
  
"There you go. See, I'm tired and need some sleep."  
  
"Okay. If you see Dawn, tell her to get ready for school," answered Buffy. Willow nodded and again hesitated, seeming about to say something. Instead she just nodded once more and walked away.  
  
Buffy poured herself a cup of coffee, glancing once in the direction Willow had gone.  
  
*****  
  
Buffy knocked again on the door and again took a step back into the full sunlight. And waited. She took a deep breath and chewed on a fingernail until she realized what she was doing. Discouraged, she turned to leave but then spun around and pounded on the door yet again, this time hurting her knuckles. The door opened but she stood where she was. Rubbing his bleary eyes, Spike stared at her with his head slightly tilted to one side.  
  
"Let me guess. You're supplementing your burger flipping income by selling girl scout cookies door to door."  
  
"This visit has nothing to do with my cookies! And hey, I'm on counter now, not grill and, and why am I even...Spike, where you in my room last night?" demanded Buffy, hands on her hips.  
  
"You're disturbing my beauty sleep for this? Slayer, if I was in your room last night you would very much remember the visit," answered Spike, eyeing her suspiciously now.  
  
Buffy lowered her hands to her side and looked down at the ground in front of her.  
  
"What's wrong?" asked Spike calmly yet with concern.  
  
"I...I don't know," shrugged Buffy. "Maybe it's nothing. But there was the open window and the warm bed and Gi...um, never mind. Probably just a dream."  
  
Spike smiled.  
  
"So now you're dreaming about me, eh?" smiled Spike.  
  
Buffy tried to frown but it came out more as a pout.  
  
"Why are you standing out there? Why don't you come inside and we'll...talk," winked Spike.  
  
"No. No, I can't. I've got to get to work," said Buffy firmly.  
  
Buffy took a step forward.   
  
"I'm on the lunch shift," added Buffy weakly.  
  
Spike just stood there, motionless, watching her.  
  
"I can't be late," whispered Buffy. "And, and I'm free tonight..."  
  
Buffy stepped into the crypt and looked up at him, biting her lower lip.  
  
"Tonight would be better," whispered Buffy, her eyes focused on Spike's lips.  
  
He simply watched her. And waited.  
  
"Okay, enough with the arm twisting already! And this doesn't necessarily mean I'll be back tonight."   
  
Spike smiled and shut the door.  
  
*****  
  
Unable to sleep, Willow brushed her hair, pulled on a windbreaker and went for a walk. By listening to the sounds around her she was able to do what she needed right now and that was simply to not think. Distracted by the chirping of birds, the sound of the wind in the trees and even the noise of traffic, Willow hadn't paid attention to where she was going. When she did look up she froze in mid-step, her shoulders slumping and her breath escaping in a silent sigh.  
  
Willow stood in front of the Magic Shop. Closing her eyes for a moment, she shook her head and turned to leave, almost bumping into someone.  
  
"Oh! Excuse me, I...Tara!"  
  
"Hey," smiled Tara. Her smile faded only a little when she glanced past Willow.  
  
"I wasn't going to go in," winced Willow. "And, and I don't. Not unless someone is with me. I wouldn't."  
  
"I know. You told me that last time. And Buffy told me you've been doing real good. With the magic, I mean," nodded Tara.  
  
"I was just out for a walk, enjoying the bright sunshiny day and I didn't plan on, what I mean is, well, old habits and such, so, here I am. But it doesn't mean..."  
  
"Willow. I believe you," said Tara.  
  
"But...you do?" replied Willow, smiling hopefully. Tara nodded and smiled in return.  
  
Willow really smiled this time.  
  
"Thank you," she whispered. Then her smile disappeared and she couldn't look at Tara.  
  
"What?" asked Tara.  
  
"Not that you have any reason to believe me," pouted Willow.  
  
"That's not true," tried Tara, her voice betraying her doubt.  
  
"Returning that already?" asked Willow quickly to change the subject, motioning with her hand to the book under Tara's arm.  
  
"Yeah," agreed Tara uncomfortably, shifting the book so that it was a little more out of sight.  
  
"Last time I saw...last time we met, you were just borrowing that. Gotta stop meeting like this. People might talk," said Willow with a forced laugh.  
  
"Wouldn't mind if they did," smiled Tara. And again Willow couldn't help but smile back in return.  
  
They both looked at one another, suddenly aware of the silence between them.  
  
"Willow, maybe...maybe we could...I mean, it would help if we were honest with one another, you know? No more secrets?" suggested Tara.  
  
"I'd like that. Oh, I'd so like that," grinned Willow, rolling her eyes.  
  
"Me too," agreed Tara. "Um, I'd better go and return this. I have to get to class soon."  
  
"Me too," repeated Willow. There was another awkward moment of uneasy quiet.  
  
"Okay," nodded Tara, walking past Willow.  
  
"Tara, wait."  
  
Tara turned to face Willow, keeping the book behind her out of sight. Willow took a deep breath.  
  
"Last night, did you stop by? I thought I heard Buffy talking to someone."  
  
Tara frowned but nodded her head.  
  
"Yeah. I was helping Buffy with something."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"I...we thought you were asleep. And I know I just mentioned being honest and all, but I can't talk about it. She...it's personal," sighed Tara.  
  
"Oh," winced Willow. "But, see, I'm her best friend. Why can't she talk to me? Is it about magic? 'Cause that would make sense, me being on the wagon girl and..."  
  
"No. Well, kinda. She didn't want you to have to research...something," offered Tara, holding up the book for a moment. "It's not...Willow, I'm sorry, but I can't..."  
  
"It's okay," shrugged Willow. "I shouldn't, I mean...it's none of my business. If Buffy wants to talk to you, I'm okay with that. You're her friend too."  
  
"Willow, it's not..."  
  
"She doesn't want to talk to me, that's fine. Just wish she wouldn't lie about it," sighed Willow.  
  
"What?"  
  
Willow grimaced, knowing she had said more than she had intended.  
  
"I asked her about last night. She told me she was alone," frowned Willow.  
  
"Oh. Um, maybe, maybe she just didn't want to talk about, well, not only magic, but with you and I..."  
  
Tara trailed off and Willow sadly nodded once.  
  
"Did you, um, hear what she said to me?" asked Tara cautiously.  
  
"Only a little," admitted Willow. "But I'm sure I didn't hear enough to...what I mean is, um, it didn't make sense. Knowing Buffy. And what I heard. Or thought I heard."  
  
Tara nodded but Willow could tell that she was worried about what she might have heard.  
  
"Something about feelings. New feelings. For Buffy, I mean. So why couldn't she talk to me? You know, hello, best friend here with new feelings, or, well, not so new now, of course but, I told her when they were new!"  
  
Tara tilted her head, more confused now than before.  
  
"Sorry, I'm being rambly girl. It's a combination of lack of sleep and too much caffeine and...shutting up now," finished Willow, again pouting. Tara glanced at her watch.  
  
"Hey, tell ya what. Why don't you call me tonight? We'll talk. Okay?"  
  
Willow tried to hide her smile by nervously swallowing.  
  
"You wouldn't hang up on me again?" whispered Willow, looking down and shuffling her feet.  
  
"No. And I'm really sorry about that. Just...caught me at a bad time, was all," said Tara sincerely.  
  
"Thanks. I'd like that. If I wouldn't be interrupting anything. I mean, you haven't met someone, right?" teased Willow, leaning forward with a grin.  
  
When two people are together for a long time, they notice subtle things that other people would miss, even more so if they've had an intimate relationship. Just the slightest hesitation in body language, a glance lingered a moment too long, a breath held in anticipation...most times it's something not seen, but felt.   
  
Willow stood up straight. When she spoke her voice escaped her in a halting whisper.  
  
"Tara? Have...have you...met someone?" cringed Willow, shaking her head almost imperceptibly.  
  
"What? No. No, Willow...of course not."  
  
But Tara looked away, embarrassed.  
  
"Oh my God," choked Willow, suddenly finding that her legs didn't want to support her.  
  
"No! Willow, it's not like that at all!" protested Tara.  
  
"But it's like...what? Tara, please..."  
  
"It's nothing. And I know I was just talking about honesty, and, and secrets and openness and...okay, maybe I didn't say openness, but..."  
  
Willow didn't move. She just looked down at the ground by her feet, afraid to look at Tara and even more scared not to. Tara stepped in front of her and put a hand on her shoulder, but Willow still didn't look up.  
  
"Willow, breathe," whispered Tara, giving her shoulder a squeeze. Teary eyed, Willow looked up, biting her lower lip. Tara smiled reassuringly for her. Willow nodded but didn't smile.  
  
"There's no one else. I promise. But..."  
  
"But?" gulped Willow. Tara tried not to laugh.  
  
"But since we're on an honesty kick, I was at the Bronze the other night. There was another girl there and, well, she wanted to dance. Wanted to buy me a drink. I declined. I said no. I was flattered, but that's all," sighed Tara.  
  
"You said no?" repeated Willow flatly.  
  
"I said no," smiled Tara.  
  
"Did...did she have red hair, like me?" asked Willow, her voice small.  
  
Tara reached out and softly put her hand on Willow's cheek.  
  
"No one has hair like my Willow," nodded Tara confidently. Willow couldn't help but smile, even as a tear rolled down her face. Tara brushed it away with her thumb and then, hesitating at first, leaned in and kissed Willow on the other cheek.  
  
"I really have to go. Call me," said Tara as she turned and went into the Magic Shop.  
  
Willow slowly raised her hand and touched her cheek, comforted by the lingering warmth of Tara's touch. She walked away with a bounce to her step and, grinning from ear to ear, her hand still on her cheek.  
  
*****  
  
"Oh, my sister just got in, so I gotta go. But I'll see you tomorrow at school, okay? Bye."  
  
Buffy tossed her jacket over the back of a chair and stared at it as it slid off onto the floor. With a shrug she ignored it.  
  
"Buffy. You're home early. Slow night patrol wise? Or did you want to spend some quality time with your sister?" smiled Dawn.  
  
"Yes, yes and yes. If I can stay awake, that is. Talking with Janice about boys again?" asked Buffy as she plopped down into a kitchen chair. Dawn reached down to pick up her jacket and draped it over the back of the chair.  
  
"And how do you know I wasn't talking to an actual boy?" demanded Dawn with false indignation.  
  
Buffy raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Okay, it was Janice," sighed Dawn. "And boys were only part of the conversation."  
  
"Any boy in particular?" inquired Buffy.  
  
"Sadly, no. But there's a dance next month and I might just ask one to go with me. If he doesn't ask first," added Dawn with a smile.  
  
"So there is a boy," nodded Buffy in approval.  
  
"Maybe. Oh, Willow already went to bed. Said she was really tired. I think she had a rough day," frowned Dawn.  
  
"Oh," replied Buffy absently, suddenly feeling guilty about not making time to talk to Willow after their conversation this morning. "Yeah, she seemed kinda out of it this morning."  
  
Dawn looked at Buffy and took a deep breath.  
  
"What?" asked Buffy.  
  
"Quality time aside, you look kinda out of it yourself. Why don't you go to bed? And check on Willow to see if she's still awake on the way. She talks to me but I can tell she's holding back. Doesn't want to upset me," added Dawn knowingly.  
  
"But she doesn't mind upsetting me?"  
  
"What are best friends for?" smiled Dawn.   
  
Buffy almost laughed. She stood up with a groan and stretched, staring at one of the kitchen drawers. Opening it, she pushed aside a screwdriver, a pair of scissors and some envelopes and pulled out a framed photograph. Smiling as she flipped it over, she suddenly realized Dawn was watching her.  
  
"Gonna put that back up? You haven't looked at that since he left," said Dawn.  
  
Buffy glanced at Dawn and then looked back at the photo of Giles. Dawn had taken this one, had caught him by surprise in their kitchen when he had come over for dinner one night. Back when mom was still alive. Dawn had called out his name and the camera had caught him turning, his mouth caught somewhere between a frown and a wonderful smile. Buffy traced a finger over his face.  
  
"Still mad at him?"  
  
"I wasn't..."  
  
Buffy stopped, seeing the doubtful look on her sister's face.  
  
"Okay, I'm still a little mad. He could call once in a while, you know?" sighed Buffy.  
  
"You can't call him?" asked Dawn.  
  
"Right, like we can afford another bill. Long distance to England? Not really in our budget."  
  
Dawn crossed her arms. Buffy pretended to ignore her.  
  
"But I do miss him," confessed Buffy, looking back at the photo. "I think I'll put this in my room."  
  
And finally Dawn smiled.  
  
"Goodnight, Buffy."  
  
"Goodnight."  
  
After finishing up in the bathroom, Buffy walked past Willow's closed door and checked to see if her light was on. It wasn't. She paused a moment, promising herself she'd talk to her tomorrow. Buffy closed her bedroom door behind her and put the photograph of Giles on her dresser, staring at it as she got dressed for bed. Double-checking her window to see if it was locked, she glanced out past the shade into the darkness of the empty street below before turning the light off and easing her tired and grateful body under the covers.  
  
Once or twice she opened her eyes, listening, but the night was still. Turning the light on beside the bed, Buffy got up and stood in front of the photo of Giles. She raised a hand towards the frame, hesitated, then lowered her hand.  
  
"You're never coming back, are you?" whispered Buffy. Not long ago those words would make her angry. Now all she felt was empty.  
  
Buffy crawled back into bed, feeling very far away from Giles, feeling more alone than ever. She closed her eyes, restless and shivering under the covers but soon drifted off, fast asleep.  
  
She wasn't sure if it was a dream or if she had woken up, but she instantly recognized his voice. The curtains billowed outward from the wall by a cold breeze through her open window, carrying a single word like a moan, like a pleading whisper.  
  
"Buffy."  
  
Buffy opened her eyes and looked at him, sitting on the edge of the bed. She slowly sat up, releasing a breath she hadn't known she had been holding in. This wasn't a dream. This was real.  
  
Her Watcher had returned.  
  
END OF PART ONE 


	2. Part 2

Title: Need  
  
PART TWO  
  
"Giles?" breathed Buffy, mouthing the word, giving his name no sound. She inched back away from him until her back was against the headboard.  
  
"Don't be afraid, Buffy. It's me," he said, nodding reassuringly.  
  
"No. No, this is...I'm dreaming and, and when I blink, you'll be gone," said Buffy, pulling the blanket up to cover herself. She wanted to glance at the clock but was afraid to take her eyes from him.  
  
"This is no dream. No, it's so much more than that. Here, touch my hand, feel the warmth of my skin," offered Giles, extending his hand towards her. He held it out motionless between them.  
  
It was his voice. So familiar, so comforting.  
  
"I, I don't want to," winced Buffy. Giles nodded and lowered his arm.  
  
Buffy stared at him. He simply smiled and shook his head.  
  
"How?" demanded Buffy, her confidence returning.  
  
"I don't know," shrugged Giles.  
  
And now Buffy did glance at the clock. It was a few minutes past midnight. She also noticed that her window was open again and knew that she had locked it this time. Reaching behind her while staring into his eyes, Buffy felt for the stake she always kept under her pillow. Her fingers wrapped around the wood...and she smiled.  
  
"You hit me. Hard. Not that I didn't deserve it, mind you," said Giles simply, taking off his glasses and rubbing his eyes in a routine that was so familiar that Buffy barely noticed it anymore.  
  
"What?" whispered Buffy.  
  
"Outside the factory. After I went after Angelus to avenge Jenny's death. But almost before my back was on the ground your arms were around me," continued Giles, placing his glasses back on the bridge of his nose. "You were so angry with me...and yet so scared, so...alone. Do you remember what you said to me?"  
  
Buffy nodded, letting go of the stake in her hand.  
  
"You can't leave me. I can't do this alone. Isn't that what you said to me?" asked Giles, suddenly looking very unsure of himself, almost fragile.  
  
"Giles," whispered Buffy, her eyes growing wide.  
  
"I had to tell you something, something only you would know. To prove it's really me," smiled Giles, though his voice sounded sad.  
  
"So ya couldn't have picked out a happy memory?" sighed Buffy, her shoulders slumping.  
  
Giles laughed. He actually threw his head back and laughed. Even more so than seeing him, just hearing his voice comforted Buffy, yet at the same time the ache off missing him rose in her throat and made her eyes water. Still, his laughter! How long had it been since she had heard that? How long had it been since she knew, had actually felt his happiness?  
  
Since before her death. No, before Glory. Even before Dawn? Buffy's smile faded away as she realized that it had been a long time since either of them had been happy. Since either of them had laughed.  
  
"Buffy? What's wrong?"  
  
Buffy looked at him, looked away and then met his eyes with a glare.  
  
"You left me. You wanted me to be alone. So why are you here? Why now?" demanded Buffy.  
  
Giles didn't hesitate with his answer. But he did look sad again.  
  
"Because you wanted me here," he said simply, as if he was repeating what she already knew. But then he hesitated for a moment, suddenly unsure of himself.   
  
"What?" whispered Buffy.  
  
"And because I was wrong to leave," added Giles, frowning as if it pained him to admit that.  
  
Buffy touched the wooden stake again but this time wasn't consoled by the weapon.   
  
"You still don't believe I'm real," sighed Giles.  
  
"No. No, you're probably one of those astro projection thingies," frowned Buffy.  
  
"Astral projection," corrected Giles. "No, that's not it. Not really."  
  
"So what, then? You're not a dream, you're not a ghost...you're not a ghost, are you?" grimaced Buffy, suddenly concerned.   
  
"No," smiled Giles. He again slowly extended his hand towards her, holding it out between them.   
  
Buffy stared at his hand and shivered as a cold breeze whispered in through the open window.  
  
"You've always trusted me, Buffy," said Giles, his voice hinting at the pain of her doubt.  
  
She tried to look away but her eyes were drawn to his hand. Keeping the blanket close against her with one hand, Buffy tentatively reached out, her fingers slowly extending towards his. Giles slowly rotated his hand and opened his palm to her, encouraging her with an unseen smile. She hesitated, then lunged forward before she could change her mind and grasped his hand.  
  
And she gasped.  
  
His hand was warm. She could feel his pulse, strong and steady in his wrist. Buffy hadn't realized how much she had wanted to believe, had needed him to actually be here. She was smiling even though she was crying.  
  
"Giles," she whispered, his name full of wonder. Buffy let the blanket fall from her and opened her arms to him. With a relieved smile he welcomed her against him, holding her close. Giles closed his eyes and swallowed once, lost in the scent of her hair.  
  
"I'm here," he whispered in return. Buffy pulled back and wiped her eyes, looking up at him.  
  
"How? No, no first...why? Not that...oh, Giles, I've missed you so much," sniffed Buffy, again seeking shelter against his chest.  
  
"The why is the easy part. Just because we're far apart, how can you not understand that I wouldn't know, that I wouldn't feel your pain? I'm here because I felt your need...and I want to help," whispered Giles, himself sniffing once or twice.  
  
Buffy eased away and glanced up at him uncomfortably.  
  
"Maybe we should get back to the how first," frowned Buffy.  
  
"Are you sure?" asked Giles, somewhat surprised.  
  
"Oh yeah," nodded Buffy, rolling her eyes.  
  
"Very well," agreed Giles reluctantly. He gave her a doubtful look and took a deep breath.  
  
Buffy waited patiently, opening her eyes wide to encourage him.   
  
"When I got back home I took up meditation, both for my own peace of mind and, well, to help you."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"I missed that," smiled Giles, looking down for a moment. "Oh, not so much your choice of words...well, yes, there's that, but your innocence when it comes to matters of the heart."  
  
Buffy considered this, tilting her head as she looked at him.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
Giles smiled.  
  
"Meditation, combined with other disciplines, some magicks and a few herbs, can be quite healing, both for the mind and the body. And useful in other ways, as my presence here demonstrates. Though I'm still not exactly sure how it happened," frowned Giles. But then he focused on Buffy. "Only that it feels so right to be here. We had begun to explore this as part of your advanced training, remember?"  
  
"Umm...kinda," winced Buffy.  
  
"Much of this was new to me. Oh, I had heard of certain techniques before, but to actually attempt them...I had hoped to learn, to master a few methods, so that if..."  
  
Giles trailed off, suddenly embarrassed, angry with himself. Buffy averted her eyes, saddened by what he had said, knowing what he had meant.  
  
"So that when I returned, I would be able to help you. That is, if you would take me back as your Watcher."  
  
"Giles, you're still my Watcher. I didn't send you away. You left me!" accused Buffy, her voice rising.  
  
"I know. And I'm sorry," sighed Giles. "You were relying on me too much. I thought you needed to be on your own for awhile, to learn to trust in yourself. It's part of growing up. It's how you become an adult."  
  
Giles reached over and held Buffy's hand.  
  
"Even adults can make mistakes," he said, not looking at her.  
  
"I'm still mad at you," pouted Buffy. Giles nodded and almost smiled.  
  
"Well, maybe not mad in an angry way, just mad in an I-miss-you-and-blame-you type of way," offered Buffy, trying not to smile.  
  
"I miss you too," smiled Giles, letting go of her hand.  
  
"You know, even in the mother country there is such a thing as a telephone," teased Buffy.  
  
"Yes, I do suppose there is," laughed Giles.  
  
"Um, I hate to spoil the moment, but you still haven't exactly explained the how yet," reminded Buffy.  
  
"Oh, yes! You were close with the astral projection...thingy," explained Giles, sitting up straighter to ease into lecture mode. As he had done so many times in the past. "But this is more intense, more vivid than any dream. I am actually here, you can touch me. Unlike astral projection, when only one's essence would make the journey and I would appear transparent to you. But there's a catch."  
  
"I knew it," whined Buffy.  
  
"Though I'm not a dream, you can only see me when you're asleep. So this does have some drawbacks," conceded Giles.  
  
"I'm asleep? Right now?" asked Buffy, glancing around the room.  
  
"Yes," smiled Giles.  
  
"But...it's so real!"  
  
"You have no idea," grinned Giles.   
  
And again Buffy felt that cold breeze from across the room.  
  
"Shall we get back to why I'm here? We have a connection, you and I, more than just the bond between a Watcher and his Slayer. Maybe the Enjoining spell that Willow cast that time has something to do with it. I can't explain it. It's like trying to define love with words instead of the colors of emotion," sighed Giles.  
  
And Buffy smiled, understanding. Giles reached out, hesitated, then softly pushed her hair from her eyes, resting his hand on the nape of her neck. Buffy stiffened slightly at his touch. This was a little more intimate than he had been with her in the past. But this was Giles.  
  
"Buffy...what's wrong?" asked Giles, his voice so full of concern that Buffy felt a need to hold him.  
  
Buffy chewed on her lower lip, unsure of herself. And then her eyes held his gaze and she knew everything would be alright. She would just have to trust him. Like she always had.  
  
*****  
  
Spike ground the cigarette out under the heel of his boot and looked up at Buffy's window. He knew she was there. And so he waited.  
  
A sudden movement caught his attention, up in the tree branches by her window. Barely noticeable, like a breeze through the leaves, someone could easily have missed it. But Spike had better eyesight at night than most humans had during the day.   
  
And there was no breeze on this still night.  
  
Spike took a step closer. And then another. He looked up with a puzzled look on his face, finding what he had been searching for. Perched on a branch just outside of her window was a large raven, darker than the black of the night around them. It twitched its neck, staring at him with one eye, its beak slightly open.   
  
Spike lit another cigarette, never taking his eyes off of the bird. The bird flapped its wings once, settling back down on the branch. And it never stopped staring at Spike.  
  
"Bloody hell," murmured Spike, bending down to pick up a rock, intending to throw it at the raven.   
  
But when he looked up, it was gone.  
  
*****  
  
She had spoken his name. If only Giles knew what an effort that had been, how difficult it was to utter that one word. But there it was, a confession...and so much more than that. And yet, looking at Giles, Buffy knew that he understood. There was no judgment, no anger, no sadness. This was about Buffy, about what had happened to her. It was not about her new lover.  
  
"Spike," repeated Buffy, this time louder but no less sad.  
  
She tried not to cry. She so tried, but she couldn't help it. Even as she closed her eyes she could see Spike's face...and even at this moment knew she wanted him. It was so much easier with the others not knowing, but here, now, with Giles beside her...the shame and the numbing pain and yes, even her longing washed over her. And Buffy cried, giving in to the sobs as the shook her body.  
  
She felt his arms around her but couldn't look up at him. Giles didn't speak. He simply held her close, letting her cry.  
  
And she remembered. It was more than a flashback. She was there, in his car, parked in front of her house...the air was crisp but not so cold that she could see her breath...she was as far away from him as she could be on the seat, almost leaning against the door, not looking at him yet knowing he was staring at her...the scent of his tweed jacket...and Buffy forced herself to look up at him.   
  
"You, must be so disappointed in me," whispered Buffy.   
  
And the moment was gone. She was back in her bed, her face pressed against his chest.  
  
"No. No, I'm the one who let you down. Buffy, I'm so sorry," sighed Giles. "I should've been here."  
  
Buffy tilted her head back, the darkness of the room not masking her fear.  
  
"But you're here now. Don't go. Please...please don't," winced Buffy.  
  
Again Giles touched her hair, running his fingers slowly through it. She felt him pushing her back and though she didn't resist, something felt...wrong. This was Giles. He was holding her. In her bed. And Buffy knew what was wrong.  
  
This should feel awkward...but it didn't.  
  
Her head eased back on her pillow and Giles again pulled her close.  
  
"I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. Close your eyes, Buffy. Sleep. I'll watch over you," whispered Giles.  
  
She closed her eyes and nuzzled closer, letting her tears dry on his shirt. His breath was soft on her forehead and the rhythm of his chest rising and falling eased her mind like the soft cadence of a gentle surf. Buffy didn't want sleep. Not now. Not when he was so close. But she was so tired. Wrapped in the warmth of his comfort, she didn't feel the cold breeze as it barely pushed aside the curtains by the window.  
  
And Giles smiled.  
  
*****  
  
"Morning, Buffy! Want some eggs? Made 'em sunny side up," grinned Willow, glancing up from the frying pan.  
  
"Morning," repeated Buffy, rubbing her eyes. "You're awfully chipper for so early...how early is it, anyway?"   
  
Buffy yawned and stared at the clock, trying to bring it into focus.   
  
"It's almost nine o'clock!" yelled Buffy. "Dawn! She's going to be late for school!"  
  
"Not to worry. I made sure she was up and out the door on time. With a big breakfast, I might add," said Willow.  
  
"You got Dawn to eat breakfast? You been dabbling in magic again?" asked Buffy suspiciously.  
  
"Nope, I'm dabble free," answered Willow proudly, flipping the eggs from the frying pan onto a plate. "But I think we need more eggs."  
  
Buffy only now noticed two other plates on the counter. One had scrambled eggs on it and the other had two eggs over easy. Slowly looking back at Willow, Buffy tried not frown.  
  
"Helps if I keep busy," shrugged Willow. "And I wasn't sure how you liked your eggs. Oh, Dawn ate the last of the bacon."  
  
"Let's start with coffee," mumbled Buffy, again yawning.  
  
"What's with the sleepy? Dawn said you went to bed kinda early and I let you sleep in this morning. Some vampire tiring you all out?" asked Willow, pulling two coffee cups out of the cupboard.  
  
"What? Oh. Um, no to the tired vampire. I guess I must've been tossing and turning a lot. Just tired...I guess," commented Buffy as she watched Willow pour the two cups full with coffee. And she was smiling the whole time.  
  
"Hey, leave some room for the cream," warned Buffy.  
  
"Oops. Sorry," winced Willow.  
  
"And you sure you need coffee? You seem awfully...bouncy," said Buffy.  
  
"Oh, I'm just in a good mood. Don't you remember what we're doing today?" hinted Willow, handing Buffy her cup. Buffy thought for a moment and then smiled.  
  
"Ah, mysterious happiness explained. We're going with Anya to try on our wedding dresses. The entire wedding party," nodded Buffy.  
  
"You're right!" said Willow, slapping her forehead and trying to look surprised. "That means Tara is going to be there! I'm so glad you reminded me, 'cause I haven't even washed my hair yet."  
  
Buffy smiled and looked down into her cup, just now remembering that she hadn't added the cream and sugar yet.  
  
"We're picking Dawn up right after school. Get some eggs before they get cold," ordered Willow.   
  
Buffy was about to protest but the telephone rang.  
  
"I'll get it," said Willow, reaching for the phone before Buffy could move.  
  
"Hello? Tara! Hey, good morning! Say, um, you wouldn't be hungry, would ya? I made a big breakfast and...oh. Oh, that's...no, I'm sure she'll understand. I'll tell her. Okay. Yeah. You too."  
  
Willow looked at the phone in her hand for a moment and then slowly hung it up. She kept her back to Buffy and didn't turn around.  
  
"Willow? What's wrong?" asked Buffy, putting her cup down on the counter.  
  
"Tara has a make up test to take. So she can't be there this afternoon. She, um...she said to tell Anya that she'll go tonight. On her own," sighed Willow.  
  
Buffy stepped next to Willow and put her hand on her shoulder.  
  
"I'm sorry," frowned Buffy.  
  
"No big," whispered Willow, attempting a brave smile. "It's not like it was going to be a date or anything."  
  
"And we don't even know what color these dresses are or, or anything about them. At all! You wouldn't want to wear something hideous in front of her, would you?" encouraged Buffy.  
  
"You think they're going to be hideous?" winced Willow.  
  
"Aren't they always?" sighed Buffy. "Then again, you could wear a burlap bag and Tara wouldn't notice. She'd only see you."  
  
Willow smiled and turned to face Buffy.  
  
"I hear burlap is the new color for spring," said Willow.  
  
"It does go well with your hair," added Buffy.  
  
"Thanks," whispered Willow, hugging Buffy. "Though it would've been fun trying on clothes in the undressing room."   
  
"You know, I think they call that the dressing room," laughed Buffy.  
  
"Depends on your perspective," grinned Willow, leaning back. Buffy rolled her eyes.  
  
"Go get in the shower. I'll clean up here."  
  
"You sure?"  
  
"Positive," nodded Buffy firmly. "And thanks for getting Dawnie off to school. I feel like I didn't even sleep!"  
  
Buffy turned and faced the sink. It was full of dishes. With a sigh she picked up her cup and took a sip and then scowled as she tasted the black coffee. Finally adding the cream and sugar, she glanced at the phone as she stirred a spoon in the cup. She bit her lower lip and peered around the corner. The hall was empty.  
  
Buffy picked up the phone, hesitated, then placed it back down again. She stared at it, her hand absently tapping on the counter. And then she picked up the phone again and quickly dialed the number.  
  
Willow had made it to the top of the stairs before she remembered that she had left her shampoo by the kitchen sink last night. Shaking her head, she turned and walked back down the stairs. Hearing Buffy talking, she paused just around the corner from the kitchen, leaning her back against the wall. She felt guilty about listening in, but Buffy was whispering. And she had said Tara's name.  
  
"Hi Tara. It's me, Buffy. Can you hear me? Willow's upstairs and I didn't want her to hear. No. No, I'm really not. Um, last night you said if I ever needed to talk, that, uh, I could call you. And, wow, I really need to talk. No, no nothing's wrong...well, that's not entirely true. See, um, these feelings I'm having...Tara, I'm more confused now than when you left last night."  
  
Willow's eyes opened wide. She held her breath.  
  
"Something happened last night. Tara...I need to see you. I know this is awkward, and I feel awful about going behind Willow's back but...what? Yes, she has a class at eleven. Okay. We can be alone then."  
  
Willow's eyes were as wide as saucers.  
  
"I'll leave the front door open. If I don't answer it, I'll be in bed so just come on up. I feel like I didn't get any sleep last night. Yes, you can wake me up. Okay. Thanks, Tara. You don't know what this means to me. Bye."  
  
Willow remembered to breathe but didn't move. She scrunched her eyebrows together, trying to make sense of what she had just heard.  
  
"Buffy...Buffy likes...no, no Buffy doesn't...she wouldn't! She likes boys and, and...and hasn't had a date since, well, since the last time I had a date but...Tara? No, no, that can't...wait. Buffy came back. Maybe Buffy came back different...isn't that what Anya said? But...this different? With having feelings and having Tara and, and no, there should be no having of Tara and, and...Buffy!" shouted Willow, much louder than she had intended.  
  
Buffy was standing in front of her with her head tilted to one side.  
  
"Willow? Um, how long have you been standing there?" asked Buffy cautiously.  
  
"Um...not long. How long have you been standing there?" winced Willow.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Shampoo! I, uh, I left the shampoo. By the sink. Last night. And, and I have to get it if I want to wash my hair," explained Willow excitedly.  
  
Buffy stared at Willow.  
  
"But you know, why bother? I mean, if Tara isn't going to be there, then, then I'll...I'll just wear a hat," nodded Willow emphatically.   
  
"Will...are you okay?"  
  
"Never been better. Just don't feel like struttin' my stuff, is all. So, so I guess I'll go now. To look for that hat," announced Willow. She turned and only took one step before spinning around to confront Buffy.  
  
"Buffy, do you like hats?"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Do you like hats?" repeated Willow.  
  
"Um, I really hadn't thought about it much. I'm not against hats or anything. But they really don't do much for me," shrugged Buffy.  
  
"Oh really?" asked Willow, raising her eyebrows.  
  
"Oh, but they look good on you," added Buffy, somewhat confused over the conversation they were having.  
  
"Well, I'm very comfortable with hats now, thank you very much. I'll admit that I thought about hats for a while and I wasn't sure if I liked hats, but after trying one on that really caught my eye I found I liked hats. A lot. Preferred them, you might say," nodded Willow.  
  
"Obviously," frowned Buffy. "Preferred them...to what?"  
  
"Well, to the opposite of hats," offered Willow.  
  
"And that would be..."  
  
"No hats," explained Willow. Suddenly an idea occurred to her and smiled excitedly. "Oh! You know, maybe you'd be more open minded about hats if you found the right one! Something new. Someone...I mean, some hat you haven't seen before."  
  
Buffy fixed her eyes on Willow with a blank stare.  
  
"You shouldn't be afraid to try something new. I mean, you just never know, you know?"  
  
"Um..."  
  
"Just make sure it's really new. A hat you haven't seen before. And not one that's someone else has already tried on," smiled Willow.  
  
"Willow?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
Buffy hesitated. She knew something was bothering Willow but she didn't have a clue as to what. Her best friend was smiling and yet at the same time looked like she might at any moment break down into tears. At the drop of a hat, thought Buffy, trying not to smile. Buffy took a deep breath.  
  
"I'm a little confused about...hats...at the moment," cringed Buffy.  
  
"Oh, that's understandable. But you would tell me if you liked hats, right? I mean, Buffy, I'm your best friend!" pleaded Willow.  
  
Buffy took another deep breath.  
  
"Will, how much coffee did you have this morning?" asked Buffy, putting a hand on Willow's arm.  
  
"Either not enough or too much," sighed Willow.  
  
"Thought so."  
  
Buffy reached out and pulled Willow in with a hug. Willow's eyes widened a bit but then she relaxed and returned the embrace.  
  
"Things will get better soon. You'll see. I promise," smiled Buffy, stepping away.  
  
Willow nodded, her face tinged with red.  
  
"Say, does Tara like new hats?" asked Buffy cautiously.  
  
Willow stiffened, at first seeming offended but then narrowed her eyes suspiciously.  
  
"Maybe. Maybe not," replied Willow before she turned and stormed off.  
  
"Okay, those two have so got to get back together," said Buffy, shaking her head.  
  
*****  
  
Buffy glanced at the clock as she walked into her room. Only half an hour until Tara would be there, but she was so tired and her bed beckoned. Buffy walked over to her open window and reached up to close it. Her hand rested on the window for a moment...and she changed her mind, leaving it open.  
  
Collapsing onto the bed, Buffy closed her eyes and smiled. She stretched out her arms, snuggling down, the covers yielding to her body. A gentle breeze wafted in, soft like a lover's touch on her skin, silent like a bird in flight.  
  
Buffy sprung up into a sitting position. The room was quiet. Too quiet. He was so still that he blended in with the shadow of her open closet door. But she knew he was there even before her eyes focused upon him.  
  
"So it wasn't a dream," commented Buffy, more to herself than to her visitor.  
  
"No. You know it wasn't. Though I must say that I'm surprised to be here again so soon," said Giles, moving away from the closet and sitting on the edge of her bed no more than an arm's reach away.  
  
"So why did you come back?"  
  
"Buffy, I can't reach out to you. You're the one who summoned me," explained Giles, gesturing with his open hands rather than a shrug.  
  
"But, but I didn't," protested Buffy.  
  
"If you say so," smiled Giles as he lowered his hands. Buffy glanced around the room.  
  
"So I'm asleep?" frowned Buffy in wonder.  
  
Giles nodded.  
  
"And if I got up and walked out that door..."  
  
"If you move away from your corporeal body you will most likely wake up. Though with some practice you can...leave, perhaps for extended periods."  
  
"Oh," nodded Buffy, though she still didn't understand. She stared at him and didn't break eye contact when he stared back.  
  
"Giles, if you want to help me, why don't you just come back? Even if it's only for a little while," added Buffy quickly.  
  
Giles stood up and lowered his head, averting his eyes from her. He looked up once but then turned his back to her.  
  
"Giles?"  
  
"Can't you...don't you know how difficult this is for me? Do you have any idea how many times I picked up the phone and just held it helplessly in my hand, unable to even dial the first number?" he sighed, still with his back to her. He heard her move to get up out of the bed and he turned to face her. Buffy froze. For a moment his teeth had been clenched in anger...hadn't they? But now Buffy only saw grief of such depth it went beyond sadness.   
  
"I didn't come to you of my own free will," whispered Giles, swallowing. "But your pain is greater than mine, and I couldn't help myself. I needed to be here."  
  
"Giles, what's wrong? I know you and, and this isn't...I mean, if something was wrong, you'd tell me! Giles...talk to me," pleaded Buffy.  
  
Giles exhaled a silent laugh. He walked over to the bed and sat down behind her. Buffy watched him out of the corner of her eye.   
  
"You're tense. Relax. You're going to wake yourself up," said Giles, his voice now soft and soothing. Buffy sat back down next to him and inhaled sharply as his hands touched her neck. She tensed but then slowly closed her eyes as Giles began to massage first her neck and then her shoulders. She inhaled again, this time slower, induced by pleasure and not fear. And her body remembered his touch as her Watcher worked her taut muscles, calming her as he had done after some many training sessions before.   
  
"You know me?"  
  
"Yes. And you know me. We're, we're so much alike. And not just because of the time we've spent together," sighed Buffy.  
  
"So then you know that I'm capable of?"  
  
Was it her imagination or did his fingers feel tighter against her throat?  
  
"The others didn't tell you, did they?"  
  
"Tell me...what?" moaned Buffy, confused but leaning into his hands.  
  
"After you...after you climbed up after Dawn..."  
  
Giles lowered his hands but Buffy didn't turn to face him.  
  
"You had weakened Glory so much after your fight that Ben had the strength to emerge. I knew that, if he were allowed to live, Glory would come after you again."  
  
Buffy slowly turned her head to face him, dreading what he was about to say.  
  
"He was helpless. It didn't matter. I suffocated him," grimaced Giles.  
  
Buffy took a deep breath and shook her head.  
  
"So?"   
  
Giles mouth opened. He didn't speak. Buffy raised her eyebrows at him.  
  
"Buffy, it was cold blooded murder!"  
  
"Yes. It was. And I would've done the same. I was going to," added Buffy coldly.  
  
"But you didn't!"   
  
"No. But only because I didn't want to take the time. I had to make sure Dawn was okay first. Giles, I'm sorry you had to do that for me!" winced Buffy. She reached up and put a hand on his cheek.  
  
"But I would've come back to finish. I, uh, just got a little sidetracked, you know?" smiled Buffy, almost laughing.  
  
"I don't believe you," whispered Giles, shaking his head.  
  
"Why? I tried to kill Faith, remember?"  
  
"That was..."  
  
"Different? Giles, why do you think I was so angry with you when you left? The choices I have to make...it's not possible to do what I have to do and not have it affect me. You of all people should've known that!" shouted Buffy, pulling back her hand.  
  
Buffy wiped a tear away from her eye, not even realizing that she was crying. Giles leaned closer in so that their faces almost met.  
  
"When you beat down Glory...when you stuck that knife into Faith...did you enjoy it? Did the moment bring you pleasure?" glared Giles.  
  
"Wh-what?" whimpered Buffy.  
  
"I enjoyed killing Ben. I'd do it again. Where's this chilling numbness you've spoken of before? So you see, you and I...we're not so alike after all, are we?" challenged Giles.  
  
Buffy closed her eyes and felt him rise from the bed. She opened her eyes but didn't turn to face him.  
  
"Yes, I did," whispered Buffy.  
  
Giles looked back over his shoulder at her, unsure if he had heard her correctly.  
  
"I did enjoy it," gasped Buffy.  
  
And still neither of them would dare a glance at the other.  
  
"It may only last a moment but...it's just so intense. And you don't forget. You can't. It's burned into you. So you can either try to block it out of your mind, ignore what you see when you close your eyes...or, like Faith, you surrender to it and let it consume you," sighed Buffy.  
  
The room was so quiet. Buffy finally did turn to face Giles and he looked at her.  
  
"So that's why you never once visited Faith in the hospital. All those months..."  
  
"I couldn't. I, I just couldn't. It was easier to pretend...well, sometimes it was. So don't tell me that we're not alike," said Buffy, raising her voice.  
  
Giles nodded his assent.  
  
"Giles, I don't buy the needing time to grow up part. Yeah, okay, there's some truth in that...but that can't be the only reason that you left. It can't be," lamented Buffy.  
  
Giles took a deep breath and slowly let it out. He winced, obviously torn about what to do, what to say. Buffy stood, stepping in front of him and looked up. Her face revealed that she was no longer angry. No, if anything she looked frightened. And that shook him more than anything she could have said.  
  
"Giles, I need you. You're my Watcher," choked Buffy, her hand absently touching his arm. "And so much more than that."  
  
"I guess we are alike. After all, we withhold things, we keep our secrets from one another..."  
  
"Why?" asked Buffy simply.  
  
"Because sometimes it's easier to pretend. The truth can be harsh, perhaps even painful," hinted Giles, trying to hide his anguish.  
  
"You said my pain was greater than yours. So you admit you are in pain. Giles, talk to me. Please!"  
  
"Buffy, I, I can't. I..."  
  
"Why not? Giles, it's me," said Buffy, her arms slipping behind him around his waist. And now Buffy felt him tense at her touch. She gave him a questioning glance but fought the urge to ask, to say aloud the words. Instead she tried to encourage him by smiling.  
  
"Because...because I have feelings for you," answered Giles, closing his eyes.  
  
"So? I have...oh. Oh, you mean...oh," cringed Buffy, dropping her arms. Giles opened his eyes. Even without his words those eyes would've been confession enough.  
  
"And by your reaction I was wise not to tell you. Buffy, I'm sorry. I betrayed your trust in me."  
  
Giles turned and walked over to the open window, staring out. For a moment Buffy thought she heard the sound of flapping wings.  
  
"No. No, that's not fair. You just...I mean...Giles! You just dumped this on me. I haven't even had a chance to..."  
  
"You don't need a chance," reprimanded Giles, turning to face her. His voice was stern but his face was despondent. His anger had been directed at himself. His next words came as a weak whisper. "I'm just a foolish old man."  
  
Giles ran his hands through his hair. He took a step towards her and Buffy stepped back. Her Watcher reacted like he had been punched in the stomach.  
  
"Oh, God, what have I done? I, I should go. I knew this would happen. You didn't need this, not now. You're struggling enough as it is without me and, and..."  
  
Giles froze. Buffy was terrified. And this time it was because of him. She kept her eyes on him, tears running down her cheeks, unable to speak.  
  
"I'm so sorry," whispered Giles.  
  
"Giles...I didn't know. Why didn't you tell me?" asked Buffy weakly, her voice breaking. He walked over to her and stood in front of her. Buffy closed her eyes. He gently put a hand on her shoulder. She let him.  
  
"Buffy, just tell me one thing. Last night, in my arms...what did you feel?"  
  
Buffy winced, unable to look up at him. She kept her eyes closed.  
  
"Safe," she whispered.  
  
"Is that all?" asked Giles, the ache in his voice making Buffy flinch. He removed his hand.  
  
Buffy couldn't hold back her tears even with her eyes closed. She leaned into him, resting her face against his chest.  
  
"When Tara gets here you should tell her about me...about what happened."  
  
"What? Why?" asked Buffy, aghast.  
  
"Didn't you feel like a burden had been lifted from you after you told me about Spike? Buffy, you don't need any more...burdens."  
  
He tried to pull away from her but Buffy held onto him tightly, burying her face against him.   
  
"You're not a burden! You're not! I need you! We, we have to talk about this! I need you...I need you," cried Buffy, holding on even tighter.  
  
"Buffy."  
  
"No. Don't go! Not like this!"  
  
"Buffy!"  
  
Buffy opened her eyes and glanced up...at Tara. She opened her eyes wider, realizing that her face was pressed against Tara's chest. Buffy quickly let go and stumbled backwards, landing on her bed. Her eyes darted around the room. They were alone.  
  
"Um...wow, that must've been some dream," offered Tara awkwardly.  
  
Buffy wiped her eyes and then held her hand over her mouth as her face turned red. Tara shrugged but got no reply.  
  
END OF PART TWO 


	3. Part 3

Title: Need  
  
PART THREE  
  
"Buffy?" repeated Tara. "Hey, are you okay?"  
  
"Huh? Oh, um, yeah. Yeah, I'm...I must've dozed off," shrugged Buffy, her face turning red. "Sorry about the, uh, well, the pressing of the nose and, um, you know...the nose pressing."  
  
Tara smiled and sat down on the bed next to her.  
  
"Trying to say you were sticking your nose where it didn't belong?" teased Tara.  
  
Buffy rolled her eyes and smiled.  
  
"It was a really intense dream. And it was so real," sighed Buffy, shaking her head.  
  
"Wanna tell me about it?" offered Tara.  
  
"I don't know," cringed Buffy. "It's kinda embarrassing."  
  
"Embarrassing but real. Was it a prophetic dream? Oh, Willow told me about those. Have you had one since..."  
  
Tara trailed off and looked away but Buffy touched her arm and made her look up.  
  
"Since I came back? No. But I don't think it was one of those type dreams. It was...well, you know...I mean, I'm sure you've had them before, right?" hinted Buffy.  
  
Tara stared at her blankly with her mouth slightly open.  
  
"Okay, think Meg Ryan coming out of the shower in only a towel, but the towel comes undone and falls off," said Buffy, scrunching up her face.  
  
"Oh! You mean..."  
  
"Yeah," laughed Buffy.  
  
"A sexual dream," smiled Tara.  
  
Buffy nodded.  
  
"Buffy...you were fantasizing about Meg Ryan?"  
  
"Huh? Oh, no! I don't...I mean, not about girls...not that there's anything wrong with...no, I was just trying to..."  
  
"I get it," winked Tara.  
  
Buffy frowned and shook her head, causing Tara to laugh.  
  
"Sorry, I couldn't resist," said Tara, covering her mouth with one hand.  
  
"Tara?"  
  
"Yes?" smiled Tara.  
  
"Do I need to remind you that I have Slayer strength?" glared Buffy.  
  
Tara bit her lip to keep from laughing.  
  
"Is it raining out? Your hair is wet," said Buffy.  
  
"Oh, no. I showered but I was running late so I came right over without drying my hair," explained Tara. "Oh, I must look...Buffy, what if I run into Willow? I don't want her to see me like this."  
  
"You look fine. Trust me, you can go the sackcloth and ashes route and Willow would drool. Still..."  
  
Buffy reached behind her and handed Tara a baseball cap.  
  
"Take this. Riley left it here and I don't wear it much anyway. Oh, and I think Willow likes hats, too," smiled Buffy.   
  
"Thanks," replied Tara, adjusting the cap on her head. "Buffy, I can't stay long. Why did you want to see me? You said something happened?"  
  
Buffy took a deep breath and nodded at her.  
  
"I had a dream last night, like...like the one you just walked in on," said Buffy, uncomfortably folding her hands in her lap.  
  
"Go on," encouraged Tara.  
  
"I wouldn't be worried about it except that they're so real. That and, um, well, I don't know how I feel about...this person," said Buffy, glancing at Tara. "I thought I knew but...he has feelings for me and, and I'm not sure how to deal with that. And see, it's not like I'm just watching what's going on. I'm an active participant, I can decide what happens, like I'm awake, you know? And I guess...I guess..."  
  
"Buffy, it's normal to have these dreams," said Tara, putting a hand on Buffy's leg.  
  
"It is?" asked Buffy weakly.  
  
"Sure. You're in a new relationship and you have all these conflicting feelings. Of course your subconscious is going to try to figure things out," shrugged Tara.  
  
Buffy pouted, unconvinced.  
  
"I know you feel guilty about having these feelings, that you think it's wrong," said Tara.  
  
Buffy raised her eyebrows slightly.  
  
"And I'm not sure why these dreams are so real to you, but you being an active participant just tells me that you want control over something that you have no control over," said Tara.  
  
"I do? Okay, yeah, that makes sense and everything but..."  
  
Tara reached up and held Buffy's hand.  
  
"Buffy. It's okay and it has nothing to do with coming back wrong. We're talking about very primal, basic emotions here, about pleasure and need. We don't choose to fall in love, it just happens. And sometimes the other person doesn't feel the same way. That doesn't make it wrong, for either person."  
  
"I guess," agreed Buffy reluctantly.  
  
"Can you put aside any preconceived notions about him, ignore for a moment what anyone else might think about this relationship and, honestly, tell me if he would make you happy?" asked Tara.  
  
"I...I don't know. It all just happened so fast," sighed Buffy.  
  
"He is cute, though I'm not the best judge of that, am I?" smiled Tara.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Spike. He's not my type, if you know what I mean," said Tara, still smiling.  
  
Buffy stood up and walked over to her dresser. Keeping her back to Tara, she focused on the photograph of Giles.  
  
"Tara, it wasn't..."  
  
And she remembered his words, how Giles wanted Buffy to tell everyone about what had happened. Had almost insisted. But she also remembered the wounded look on his face, the anguish.   
  
"In the dream, it wasn't..." whispered Buffy, resisting the urge to raise her hand and touch his face.  
  
"It wasn't what, Buffy?" asked Tara. Buffy turned and faced her.  
  
"Nothing. I'm just being silly. You know how all your fears and worries seem so much bigger at night? I'm sorry, I shouldn't have made you come all the way over here," grimaced Buffy. "The dreams were so vivid I was afraid maybe someone was using a spell and I couldn't have Willow check that out, what with her addiction and, and so of course I thought of you and I really need to stop and take a breath!"  
  
Tara smiled and shook her head.  
  
"Hey, I said that anytime you needed to talk, all you had to do was call," reassured Tara, standing up.  
  
"I know. Thanks. Hey, it could be worse, right? I could be having nightmares instead of dreams! Dreams so clear and lucid that I remember taking off my top and when I woke up this morning it was on the floor!" laughed Buffy.  
  
Tara didn't laugh. She first seemed confused, then worried.  
  
"And he said to...he said...wait a minute. How did he know? How did he know that you were coming over here?" asked Buffy nervously. "I never mentioned it."  
  
"Um...huh?"  
  
"He..."  
  
Buffy took a breath to calm herself.  
  
"He said to tell you about us, to tell all the others. He wanted you to know."  
  
Tara smiled. Buffy didn't notice but she actually looked relieved.  
  
"Buffy, first of all, I already knew. And don't you see? It's you who wants everyone to know. Keeping this secret is stressing you out. You knew I was coming over. Your subconscious is trying to deal, that's all."  
  
"Oh. Yeah, that makes sense," nodded Buffy, suddenly embarrassed.  
  
"Unless...," began Tara, her eyes quickly opening wide. "Buffy, did he try to kiss you? In your dream, I mean. Did you kiss him?"  
  
"No. Why?" asked Buffy.  
  
"Um, it's nothing. No, no it may be something. But I need to research something first. Just promise me you won't kiss him. In your dream, I mean."  
  
"So not a problem," mumbled Buffy to herself. "Um...why no smoochies?"  
  
"I'll explain later. But...hey, don't worry. It's not like you'll fall asleep before tonight. Buffy, I really have to get to class," frowned Tara, glancing at her wristwatch.  
  
"Okay. If you have time later I'm having the gang over for dinner tonight. Why don't you come?" asked Buffy.  
  
"Thanks. I'll, I'll think about it," shrugged Tara.  
  
"Oh. Sorry, I didn't mean to...I mean, Willow will be there and I know..."  
  
"I'll think about it," interjected Tara. Buffy nodded  
  
Tara wanted to leave but hesitated and Buffy gave her a questioning stare.  
  
"Buffy, about...just remember what I said. If your lips feel tempted, think of...Willow!" squeaked Tara, suddenly noticing the redhead standing in the doorway.  
  
"Think of...oh!" shouted Buffy. "Willow, you're back early!"  
  
"My class was canceled," said Willow slowly, her eyes darting back and forth from Tara to Buffy.  
  
"Oh," smiled Buffy awkwardly.  
  
"Tara...why are you wearing Buffy's baseball cap?" asked Willow warily.  
  
"My...oh, her hair was wet since she didn't have time to dry it and so I offered and, and...she took me up. On my offer," added Buffy.  
  
"What she said," nodded Tara. "Never know who you might run into."  
  
Willow raised her eyebrows.  
  
"Tara, why are you here? I thought you had class," said Willow.  
  
"I do. And if I don't leave now I'm going to be late so...I'd better go," nodded Tara again.  
  
"But..."  
  
"Tara was helping me. We were, we were...doing spells together," announced Buffy.  
  
Willow's eyebrows moved up a little higher.  
  
"Well, not actual spells," said Tara. "Buffy's not..."  
  
"Not what?" asked Willow, hands on her hips.  
  
"A witch," answered Tara, taken aback. "I was just telling her some simple commands that could interrupt a spell. If she heard one. Being cast, that is. You know, power words."  
  
"And I couldn't ask you because, well, magicks, ya know? Wouldn't want to rub your nose in it. And you're doing so good Will. Tara, you should be real proud of her," said Buffy.  
  
Tara tried to smile but couldn't.  
  
"I'd better...bye," she said, quickly leaving. Willow looked down as Tara walked by her.  
  
"Call me," yelled Buffy, not getting an answer.   
  
"If your lips feel tempted?" said Willow, not looking up.  
  
"Oh, um, right...lips...form words and you pronounce words, so Tara was just making sure I pronounced the words correctly. With my lips. Could be a disaster if you said the wrong thing and messed up a spell. But you know all about that," said Buffy, forcing a laugh.  
  
Willow looked up with a hurt look on her face.  
  
"Oh! Not that you...I'm sorry, you know what I mean. Hey I've got to go shopping. Need some grapes and apples and pears for later, thought we'd have everyone over after trying on the dresses, go the cheese and cracker routine. I invited Tara. Maybe she'll come," smiled Buffy encouragingly.  
  
Willow nodded but didn't smile.  
  
"So...gotta go. See ya in a bit," said Buffy.  
  
"Bye," replied Willow as Buffy left. She stood there for a moment, staring at the bed.  
  
"Grapes and apples and pears, oh my! Forbidden fruit metaphor?" sighed Willow. "Why did I cut that class anyway?"  
  
She took her cap off, held it in her hand for a moment, then walked to her room.  
  
*****  
  
Tara walked quickly, her eyes on the sidewalk, and only glanced up every so often to watch for traffic. Approaching a street corner, she noticed a large raven perched in a tree to her right. She smiled, appreciating the beauty of the bird, and watched it as she walked past the tree.  
  
Tara's smile faded as she watched the raven. It followed her, slowly turning its head to keep her in sight, its unblinking eyes never once looking away. Tara turned her head and walked just a little faster until she reached the corner and stopped, looking back over her shoulder. The bird was gone. She searched the surrounding trees and even turned completely around, looking up at the sky. But the raven was gone. She took a deep breath, turned, looked both ways and crossed the street.  
  
Laughing to herself for being startled by a bird, Tara went back to watching the sidewalk. She glanced at her watch and was satisfied that she could make her class in time, always hating to be late for anything. Still smiling, she looked up as she came near the next street corner. And she stopped smiling. Tara forced one foot in front of the other and slowly kept moving, keeping her eyes on a raven that was perched atop the stop sign next to her. Even more disturbing was that because of its size, Tara suspected this was the same bird.  
  
Like before, the dark bird slowly turned its head, staring at her as she walked past. She was not more than three feet from it but the raven bravely didn't fly away. Its beak was open and Tara flinched when it made a clicking sound with its tongue. Wide-eyed, she didn't dare take her eyes from it and was about to mutter a protective ward when the sound of a car horn made her jump. The driver yelled something at her and she screamed as the car went by in a blur. Without realizing it she had stepped into the street and had almost been hit by the car.  
  
Tara looked up at the stop sign. The raven was gone.  
  
*****  
  
"Buffy, you said we were having something different to eat tonight," said Dawn, standing in front of the open refrigerator. "So...where is it? More importantly, what is it?"  
  
"I'm going to cook on the grill outside. You know, barbecue?" said Buffy as she sliced an apple.  
  
"Barbecue what?" asked Dawn suspiciously.  
  
"I brought some hamburger patties and chicken home from work," replied Buffy, stifling a yawn.  
  
"Buffy! That's all we ever eat!" winced Dawn.  
  
"Yeah, but I'm cooking it here so it's...different," suggested Buffy. Dawn let out a deep sigh.  
  
"At least we're having shrimp cocktail. Guess I could fill up on that," said Dawn, looking back into the refrigerator. "Um...I see the cocktail sauce...where's the shrimp?"  
  
"We're having poor man's shrimp cocktail," explained Buffy.  
  
"Poor man's...I'm afraid to ask," cringed Dawn, shutting the refrigerator door. Buffy reached into the sink and held up a head of cauliflower.  
  
"You've got to be kidding me," moaned Dawn.  
  
"Hey, put enough cocktail sauce on it and you'll never taste the difference. Wanna help?" asked Buffy cheerfully.  
  
"Sure," agreed Dawn, her shoulders sagging in defeat as Xander and Anya walked into the kitchen.  
  
"Hey guys! What's cooking?" asked Xander.  
  
"Don't ask," complained Dawn, washing the cauliflower in the sink. "Too bad Willow couldn't twitch her nose or say sis-boom-baa or something and conjure us up some real food."  
  
"Dawnie, you know she's on the magic wagon, so to speak," reminded Xander as he stole a slice of apple from under Buffy's half-hearted glare.  
  
"Besides, sis-boom-baa isn't a real spell," corrected Anya.  
  
"I only meant...," began Dawn.  
  
"It's the sound of a sheep exploding," smiled Anya, stealing a slice of apple.  
  
Dawn turned off the water, grinning but not sure if she should laugh at the joke or be afraid.  
  
"And I know from exploding sheep, let me tell you," nodded Anya. "There was this shepherd, oh, way back when. Well, he was a shepherd until I turned him into a sheep. Ironic. And funny...at the time."  
  
"Honey, that's abominable! Poor sheep," laughed Xander uncomfortably and reaching for another apple slice but getting a warning slap on the wrist from Buffy.  
  
"No, a bomb in a bull would be an exploding dairy product...though I guess you can't get milk from a bull," said Anya, tilting her head in thought.  
  
"I don't know, but you might get one happy bull," added Xander.  
  
"Exploding cows? That's an udder disaster," said Dawn, trying not to laugh.  
  
"I knew it!" yelled Buffy.  
  
"Knew what?" asked Xander.  
  
"This is hell. I came back, and I'm in hell. Enough with the barnyard humor already!" begged Buffy.  
  
"Yeah, it's unbelievable. Get it? Un-believe-a-bull?" giggled Dawn as she put the cauliflower on the counter, glancing out the window over the sink as she did.  
  
"And don't mention magic in front of Willow. She's doing really good. Oh, and hats. Don't mention hats," added Buffy, ignoring Dawn's joke.  
  
"Hats?" asked Anya.  
  
"Trust me," replied Buffy, rolling her eyes.  
  
"Oh, Russell is here!" said Dawn excitedly.  
  
"Russell? You invited a boy from school over?" asked Buffy, peering out the window over Dawn's shoulder.  
  
"No, silly! Russell is a crow. Russell crow, get it? He's been hanging around here the past few days. He's not afraid of people. I mean, you can almost walk right up to him and he doesn't fly away. I'm trying to get him to eat some bread but he doesn't seem interested," shrugged Dawn. "See, he's up in that tree."  
  
"Yeah. But how do you know that's the same bird?" asked Buffy, quickly losing interest.  
  
"Or how do you know it's a he? Maybe he's a she. Not that it makes a difference from a feeding standpoint, but how do you tell the difference?" asked Anya.  
  
"Well, you need to see two of them together. Then the one that's cawing at the other one would be the female," said Xander. Anya and Buffy stared at him menacingly.  
  
"Xander, are you saying that I nag you?" demanded Anya.  
  
"What? No! Of course not," grinned Xander nervously. Just then Willow ran into the kitchen.  
  
"Buffy! There's something you should see!" said Willow, nodding back at the television in the other room. Everyone followed her back into the living room.  
  
"Police aren't releasing the name of the victim yet, but it's believed that she was a student at the University of Sunnydale. Though she was found not far from campus in an area frequented by the homeless, foul play, while not being ruled out, is not suspected. From the puncture wounds on her throat an attack by a wild animal is speculated as being the most likely cause of death, sometime late last night."  
  
"I know those woods," said Buffy, her eyes fixed on the television. "The cave where I found Adam is very close by."  
  
"You thinking vampire? So why don't we go have a look. If I drive, we can be back in time for you to cook," said Xander.  
  
"Sounds good. Nothing like a little slaying to warm up the old appetite," said Buffy happily.  
  
"Oh, I need to grab some bridal magazines from the car first," said Anya, already heading for the door.  
  
"Meet you outside," said Xander, nodding to Buffy.  
  
"Be right there. I need to grab a stake," answered Buffy.  
  
"Buffy, this is terrible. What are we going to do?" winced Willow, keeping her voice low.  
  
"Um, I gonna make a quick sweep, see if I can find this vamp holed up in the area..."  
  
"No! I mean about the dresses! Have you ever seen...and the color...come on, what was she thinking? Was she thinking at all?" whined Willow.  
  
"I kinda liked the color," shrugged Dawn. Both Buffy and Willow looked at Dawn. Buffy seemed surprised. Willow looked frightened.  
  
"Hey, it's her wedding and we have to make Anya happy. Those two are stressed out enough as it is without us complaining. Have you seen how much Xander's been eating lately? He'll never fit into his tux!" sighed Buffy.  
  
Willow and Dawn glanced at one another but Willow still frowned.  
  
"Besides, it's not like we'll ever wear them again, right?" tried Buffy weakly.  
  
"Oh, I don't know. That dress might come in handy if I, say, have to raise someone from the dead again?" pouted Willow, her voice heavy with sarcasm.  
  
"Okay, I'm back," announced Anya, looking at the magazines in her hand. "That Xander! He must've got one of his sport magazines mixed in with my stuff. Well, Willow might like this one. It's the swimsuit issue."  
  
Anya held it up, smiling, and Buffy grabbed it from her hand.  
  
"You know, I need a new suit. Maybe I'll find something I like in here," said Buffy, flipping through a few pages. "Oh, Willow, what do you think?"  
  
Willow leaned in and nodded her approval.  
  
"She's cute," smiled Willow, watching Buffy out of the corner of her eye to gauge her reaction.  
  
"Hmm, you know, she is! Killer abs, too. But what about the suit?" asked Buffy.  
  
"Um, Buffy? Vampire. Xander. Car," said Dawn.  
  
"On it," nodded Buffy, embarrassed. She handed Willow the magazine and walked away.   
  
Willow looked at the girl in the swimsuit and then looked back at Buffy as she ran upstairs. Dawn gave her a puzzled look and Willow smiled awkwardly at her as she closed the magazine.  
  
*****  
  
Buffy yawned again and Xander frowned at her.  
  
"Sorry."  
  
"Huh?" asked Buffy, her hand still over her mouth.  
  
"I must be boring the hell out of you. That's the third, no, fourth time you've yawned since we left," teased Xander.  
  
"It's not you. You're anything but boring, Xander. I just didn't sleep good, I guess," said Buffy.  
  
"Well, here we are. Does sleepy girl want some backup?" asked Xander.  
  
"Nah. I can handle one vamp even if I'm sleepwalking. Besides, this won't take long. The Initiative sealed off their tunnels and this cave really isn't that big."  
  
"Take this just the same," said Xander, reaching into his glove compartment and pulling out a flashlight. He handed it to her.  
  
"Thanks," smiled Buffy, trying her best not to yawn again.  
  
*****  
  
Tara closed the musty smelling book and glanced back at another that was open on the table in front of her. She reread a paragraph again and glanced over at the phone on the wall with a frown. After searching through a few books her fears that Buffy was facing something supernatural diminished but yet something bothered her about what had happened. Still, better to be safe than sorry. Tara got up and almost made it to the phone when she glanced at a photo of her and Willow on her desk. She smiled, recalling the moment when the photo was taken.  
  
Remembering Buffy's invitation, Tara ignored the phone, grabbed her jacket and headed out for the Summers home.  
  
*****  
  
Buffy swung the flashlight around in an arc, then brought it back slowly, looking down at the dirt of the cave floor. She could still see without the aid of the light as she wasn't that far from the mouth of the cave but she needed the flashlight to look for clues, little hints that something was out of place. Like darker marks in the disturbed dirt, a trail that would reveal that someone had recently walked in here. Buffy knelt down, touching the damp earth.  
  
She crumbled the dirt between her fingers, but instead of concentrating on the task before her, she thought of Spike. Spike had been here. And she had found him when she had been looking for Adam. Spike would've wanted Adam to kill her, would've done it himself if it hadn't been for the chip. But that was then. Now...she knew that should bother her, but somehow it didn't.  
  
Buffy let the earth fall from her fingers and wiped her hand on her pants as she stood up. She yawned and followed the trail deeper into the cave. It was darker here. Much darker. Buffy took another step and pulled the stake from her back pocket but keept her hand out of sight behind her.  
  
She was no older than fifteen, maybe even fourteen. Younger than Dawn, thought Buffy. The girl sat with her back against the cold stone, her arms wrapped around knees as if to keep warm. Her eyes were red from crying...and she looked scared. Very scared. Buffy knelt down slowly, keeping the flashlight on her face. So young. It was easy to imagine what had happened. The girl was a newbie, alone, lost, not yet even fully understanding what had happened to her. Probably had been caught out in the open with daylight only moments away, she had sought shelter here.  
  
Driven by hunger, she had attacked that student. Driven by the approaching dawn, she had tried to hide. Buffy could almost feel pity for the creature. Almost. The girl shivered and looked away from her. Buffy knew she wasn't cold. She was hungry.  
  
"I understand what you're going through, what's happened. And I want to help," said Buffy softly.  
  
"You can't help. No one can," spat the girl, still not looking at her.  
  
"Yes, I can. But you have to trust me," said Buffy, putting the flashlight down by her side, the light now highlighting the girl in shadow, her skin seemingly even paler now. Yet this only made her seem more vulnerable...almost human.  
  
She looked up at Buffy, her eyes wanting to believe what she had been told. She bit her lower lip and shivered as a chill again gripped her small body. Yes, she wanted to believe, wanted to be held, comforted...she needed this and yet again looked away.  
  
"What's your name?" whispered Buffy.  
  
The girl swallowed once and hesitated, as if it was an effort to remember who she was. Who she had been.  
  
"Sarah," she whispered in reply, still not looking at Buffy. And then she repeated her name again, only a little louder, as if she remembered, as if she believed what she had said.  
  
"Sarah," she answered, turning her head, her mouth almost allowing a smile.  
  
Buffy smiled for her.  
  
"I'm sorry," winced Sarah.   
  
Sarah sprung forward and knocked Buffy onto her back. The Slayer had been prepared for this, had expected it and yet was a breath too slow in reacting. The stake slipped from her hand as she wrestled with the vampire on top of her. Sarah growled, her human face gone, morphed into her demon visage. The vampire's fangs almost reached Buffy's neck before she shifted her weight and rolled them both onto their sides.  
  
But the vampire held on.  
  
Buffy tried to elbow her in the face but Sarah easily blocked the blow. Her hands grasped Buffy's throat and squeezed. The Slayer held her wrists but was unable to pull the vampire's hands free. Amazed at Sarah's strength, Buffy kneed her in the groin, loosening her grip enough for Buffy to break free, adding a head butt as she rolled away. Buffy tried to stand but the vampire was quicker...and actually lifted Buffy up to slam her into the wall, knocking the wind out of her with a gasp.  
  
Wincing, Buffy tried to push off, expecting her to go for her neck again. Instead Sarah backhanded her across the face and brought her knee up hard into Buffy's stomach. Buffy managed to hold on as she doubled over, pulling the vamp down with her. But Sarah slapped Buffy's hands aside and rolled, springing up into a crouch, turning to glare at Buffy, now on her back and looking up in pain. Saliva drooled from the corner of Sarah's mouth as she smiled.  
  
Just for a moment the vampire's eyes opened wide in confusion. And then she exploded into dust. Xander now stood over Buffy, stake in hand. He didn't smile as he extended his hand to help Buffy up.  
  
Buffy just lay there, staring up at him, trying to catch her breath.  
  
"What happened?" asked Xander, lowering his hand but kneeling down beside Buffy.  
  
"I...I don't know," winced Buffy, struggling up into a sitting position. "She hadn't been turned that long ago. She was hungry and, and weak. I should've kicked her ass but she was quicker than me!"  
  
"And perhaps a tad stronger?" teased Xander, awkwardly trying to ease the tension.   
  
"No. She wasn't stronger, I was weaker. I'm not just tired, Xander. I, I wasn't reacting fast enough. What the hell is going on?" sighed Buffy.  
  
"Maybe you're coming down with something. I know, a little food will make you feel better. Let's talk about it over dinner, okay?" smiled Xander.  
  
Buffy nodded but didn't smile.  
  
*****  
  
Willow answered the door and her eyes lit up when she saw that it was Tara standing there.  
  
"Tara!" smiled Willow. "You made it. Buffy said that you might come over but I didn't...I mean...um...hey, you look great!"  
  
"Thanks. You..."  
  
"Thanks."  
  
"...too," finished Tara awkwardly. "Um...is Buffy here?"  
  
"Uh, no. She had to go out. With Xander," explained Willow, no longer smiling. "But she'll be right back. Why don't you come in?"  
  
Tara nodded but still stood there, trying not to show how uncomfortable she was being alone with Willow. With a sigh Willow stepped aside so that Tara wouldn't brush close by when she walked in. Nervous herself, she didn't pick up on Tara's discomfort.   
  
"I don't bite," said Willow, encouraging Tara to move.   
  
Tara smiled and came in.  
  
"Well, unless you ask nicely," added Willow with a straight face. She turned and walked into the kitchen without watching for Tara's reaction. Dawn waved hello from behind Willow. Tara waved in return but she turned back to shut the door so that Dawn wouldn't see her blush. As Tara reached to shut the door Xander pulled up in front. Buffy opened her door even before the car came to a full stop.  
  
Willow looked back over her shoulder, wondering why Tara hadn't followed her in. And then she saw Buffy. Dawn noticed Willow's shoulders slump and, unsure of what to do, tried to look busy. Buffy stopped at the door and smiled, happy to see Tara. Tara whispered something to her that Willow couldn't hear and Buffy, though still smiling, reluctantly nodded. Buffy glanced over at Willow and it was her turn to look busy in the kitchen.  
  
"Um, Willow? I already washed those," said Dawn, nodding at some celery sticks.  
  
"Well, you know, you can never be, um, too washed, right? I mean, what with all the pesticides they use nowadays," said Willow. "Nope, you can never be sure..."  
  
Dawn watched Willow as she held the same piece of celery under the faucet, slowly turning it over and over in her hand under the running water. Willow watched Buffy and Tara out of the corner of her eye, still holding the same celery stick in her hand under the running water. Then Buffy stopped smiling. Tara whispered something else and she and Buffy both turned to look at Willow. Wide-eyed, Willow quickly looked away. Tara spoke to Buffy again, softly but not in a whisper.   
  
"Hey, Tara! Glad to see you could make it," greeted Xander as he walked past. "Excuse me, ladies, but I have a date with a grill to keep."  
  
"Thanks, Xander," said Buffy. She waited a moment for him to get out of earshot. "Tara, you want to go upstairs? I don't want the others to..."  
  
They both their heads turned as the celery Willow was holding popped from her hands and fell to the floor. Dawn raised an eyebrow at her but Willow didn't look in her direction. In fact, Willow didn't move other than to turn the faucet off.  
  
"I guess. But Buffy...I...I'm having, I mean, I'm uncomfortable with keeping this from Willow. We're trying to be honest with one another and, and I think she should know. We should tell her," nodded Tara.  
  
"Not about..."  
  
"No! No, of course not. I wouldn't...it's just...I mean, Willow and I, we're trying not to keep secrets from one another and, and this is really bothering me," winced Tara.  
  
"It is?" asked Buffy.  
  
"Oh, not the...not that," hinted Tara. "Just the keeping secrets from her part."   
  
Buffy took a deep breath and gently then put a hand on Tara's arm.  
  
"I'm sorry. With all that's been happening, I really hadn't thought about how this might affect her. Or you and her. Together. Not that you're together at the moment. Still, that doesn't mean I can...oh, I'm a bad friend," whined Buffy.  
  
"No, Buffy, you're just, um, confused," comforted Tara.  
  
"Willow! Can you come over here?" called Buffy.  
  
Willow reached down and picked up the celery stick, tossing it back onto the plate with the rest of the celery. Dawn stared at her as she walked away, more than confused.  
  
Willow stood in front of Tara and Buffy but didn't say anything. Buffy noticed that she was looking at her hand...which was still on Tara's arm. Buffy quickly let go and was about to speak when she noticed Dawn looking at them.  
  
"Let's go outside, okay?" suggested Buffy, drawing a frown from Dawn. She turned and Willow followed her out onto the front porch. Tara shut the door behind them.  
  
"Let's sit down," suggested Buffy, taking a deep breath. Tara sat down but Willow hesitated before taking a place between Buffy and Tara.   
  
"So, where do we begin?" asked Tara, looking at Buffy as a cue for her to start.  
  
"Willow, Tara and I, well, we...okay, not we. I. I've been keeping a secret from you. But I only did it because I didn't want to hurt you. Or get you upset," added Buffy, glancing at Tara. Willow sat there, eyes unfocused, not looking at either of them.  
  
"This is so...Will, I feel really bad that I didn't tell you. Going behind your back like this..."  
  
Willow sat up a little straighter but still didn't look at Buffy.  
  
"You...you told Tara...but not me?" said Willow, looking everywhere but at Buffy or Tara.  
  
"Willow, think of this from Buffy's point of view," said Tara.  
  
"Think of what?" asked Willow, a little louder than she intended. She brought her hands together in her lap and began to rub her thumbs against one another.  
  
"I had a dream. More than one, actually, about...about someone. It was so real, so vivid, I, I thought a spell was being used. Now I'm not so sure," said Buffy, again glancing up at Tara. Willow stopped rubbing her thumbs together.  
  
"Buffy thought I might be able to detect a spell if it was being used on her. Which I probably could, of course. But since it involved magic..."  
  
"I didn't want you involved," finished Buffy.   
  
"Oh," nodded Willow, finally glancing at Buffy.  
  
"You've been doing so good, why tempt you with something you can't have?" smiled Buffy.  
  
Willow wrinkled her eyebrows together and looked away again.  
  
"I thought an incubus might be involved. And there is a spell I can cast that would probably reveal its presence. But after what Buffy told me, I'm not so sure it is an incubus," frowned Tara.  
  
"Why?" asked Willow, relaxing a little.  
  
"Well, the incubus does come to someone in their sleep, but it's usually very unpleasant, more of a nightmare than a dream. He, um, forces himself upon his victim," said Tara carefully.  
  
"And in my dream, well, first of all, nothing happened. Not even a smooch. And he insisted I tell Tara about...what happened," continued Buffy.  
  
"An incubus wouldn't do that. It might threaten its victim with harm if they sought out help. Or the encounter might've been almost impossible to remember, suppressed until the memory was triggered by something later on," explained Tara.  
  
"Oh. That's your secret? I knew something was going on. You two were, well...way obvious," laughed Willow. Buffy put an arm around Willow's shoulder.  
  
"I was only thinking about you," said Buffy, giving her shoulder a squeeze. Willow leaned her head on Buffy's arm and smiled.  
  
"Still, wouldn't hurt for me to do the spell. If there's no incubus, what harm could it do?" asked Tara.  
  
"True," nodded Buffy.  
  
"Want me to spend the night? If we kept the door closed, Willow wouldn't be able to hear what was going on in the bedroom. Still, she'd have to be a good girl and promise not to listen in," grinned Tara.  
  
Willow sat up and eased herself from Buffy, trying to keep from looking at either Buffy or Tara. But Buffy wasn't looking at Willow. She was thinking of Giles, thinking that she had to talk to him again. Needed to see him again. And again she remembered that hurt look in his eyes.  
  
"Um...I don't know, Tara. Why don't we wait? Let's see if I have another dream tonight first, okay?"  
  
"You sure? It won't..."  
  
"Yeah. I'd rather wait. No magic in the house unless it's absolutely necessary," said Buffy, patting Willow's back. Willow nodded and smiled in return. "Tara, why did you tell me not to kiss...him?"  
  
"Oh, once an incubus makes physical contact, especially of the, er, intimate kind, it has more control over its victim. Like a thrall. Like..."  
  
"Dracula," nodded. "Gotcha."  
  
"Just let me know if you change your mind. Need a spell done, I'm your girl," laughed Tara as she stood up.  
  
"You're leaving? Aren't you hungry?" asked Willow, looking up.   
  
"I'd better go. I still have to try on that dress and I've got some homework to finish up. But I meant what I said before."  
  
Willow obviously didn't remember.  
  
"Call me. We'll talk," reminded Tara, getting a weak smile from Willow. "Oh, how are the dresses? Did you like them?"  
  
"Um, you need any help in the kitchen, Willow? It's getting late and I bet everyone's hungry," said Buffy, standing up.  
  
"Help? No, I...oh, uh, actually I do. Need help. Celery. We have celery to wash!" said Willow, slapping a hand to her forehead as she stood.  
  
"But, what about..."  
  
"I'll call you," promised Willow, pulling Buffy into the house behind her by the hand.  
  
"Bye," managed Buffy.  
  
Tara began to wonder about the dresses.  
  
*****  
  
Even though Buffy had never dialed the number she knew it, could recite it without hesitation. She had placed the paper he had written it on in a drawer, had refused to even look at it for a week after he left. That piece of paper was still there, somewhere in the back of the drawer, but Buffy only kept it because she liked his handwriting. Or at least that's what she told herself.  
  
Buffy didn't hesitate when she picked up the phone. She had made her mind up about calling Giles even before last night. She just...hadn't found the right time. There was a pause after she hit the last number and Buffy wondered if she had dialed correctly but then the phone rang. And rang.  
  
After twenty rings she hung up the phone. She glanced at the clock. It was late over there. Very late. Giles should be home. Or maybe he knew it was his Slayer that was calling and he didn't want to talk to her. Shaking her head, knowing she was being foolish, Buffy walked past the kitchen door to turn the light off.  
  
She could go out. Dawn wouldn't even know. And he would be waiting for her. As he always was. And she always went to him. She looked out into the backyard, into the darkness of the night.  
  
With a sigh Buffy went upstairs to get ready for bed.  
  
END OF PART THREE 


	4. Part 4

Title: Need  
  
PART FOUR  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Hey. It's me."  
  
"Hey. And I knew it was you, even before I picked up the phone."  
  
"You did? Oh, did I wake you up? I'm sorry! I knew I shouldn't have..."  
  
"Don't be silly. It's good to hear your voice."  
  
There was a pause before she answered.  
  
"Yes. It so is," she whispered. "You, um, seem so much more...what's the word..."  
  
"Sleepy?"  
  
"No, but now I know I woke you up. Um, how about relaxed? Earlier, when...well, you know."  
  
"I know," she sighed. "And I'm sorry about that. It shouldn't be awkward, but...being around you..."  
  
"I know, Tara. You don't have to...what I mean is...me too. With the sorry and the awkward and, and the...the..."  
  
"I know," repeated Tara. And Willow could hear the smile in her voice. "But this is nice. And...safe, you know?"  
  
"Oh yeah," agreed Willow, closing her eyes and pressing the phone just a little tighter against her cheek. "I didn't really have much to talk about. Just...wanted to hear your voice before I went to sleep."  
  
There was another silence.  
  
"I miss that," whispered Willow bravely, hoping Tara wouldn't hang up on her.  
  
Again the silence.  
  
"Is that all you miss?" came her whispered tease.  
  
Willow's eyes popped open in surprise even as she smiled.  
  
"Wow. Willow Rosenberg speechless. Let me pencil this is in on the calendar," laughed Tara.  
  
Willow didn't answer.  
  
"Hey. You still there?" asked Tara.  
  
"Yeah. Just listening to your voice," replied Willow, grateful that Tara couldn't see her wiping her eyes. "Say, you're not worried about Buffy, are you? Kinda sounded like a nightmare to me and what with all she's been through, I don't think we should be looking to the supernatural first thing."  
  
"I guess not. But we should keep an eye on her."  
  
"You're serious, aren't you?" asked Willow, sitting up in bed.  
  
"Yes. I am. One symptom to watch for is the victim always being tired. You saw her yawning today," reminded Tara.  
  
"Sure, but Buffy doesn't keep normal hours. She's out late most every night patrolling and doing goddess knows what else. Lucky for her that Slayers don't seem to need as much sleep as us mere mortals," laughed Willow, somewhat envious.  
  
"I guess," sighed Tara reluctantly, ignoring Willow's 'knows what else' comment. "And she did ask for help."  
  
"Huh?"   
  
"Willow, a victim of an incubus would deny any involvement or admit there was a problem, and usually get quite defensive and upset about it. So it's a good sign that Buffy asked for help. I'm not saying we should worry, especially since she said he was anything but aggressive and didn't try to kiss her. In fact he insisted that her friends should know about what happened. But...I don't know," shrugged Tara. "Just a feeling, I guess. Something that makes your tummy just a bit queasy, you know?"  
  
"Did Buffy say what he looked like?"  
  
"He...um, no. But I didn't ask, either," answered Tara, remembering that only she knew about Spike. And she suddenly realized that Buffy hadn't actually said it was Spike she had been dreaming about. "Sometimes these things can take the shape of someone the victim trusts or loves."  
  
"Someone's been research girl," teased Willow approvingly.  
  
"I might've opened a tome or two," admitted Tara proudly. "Some writings go back to the early thirteen hundreds. Say what you want to about the Church of the day, but they took these rumors seriously and probably drove off one or two real incubi."  
  
"We'll just ignore the fact that they later burned witches for kicks," lamented Willow.  
  
"It's too late to be bringing that subject up. I don't want you getting all upset and losing sleep without..."  
  
Tara didn't finish. She didn't have to. They both knew she was going to say without me there to comfort you. Tara didn't regret what she almost said. It was just painful to bring it up.  
  
"Well, I'll keep my eye on Buffy. You could always do that detection spell without her knowing it if that would make you feel better," suggested Willow.  
  
"Maybe. Has she been acting strangely lately?" asked Tara sincerely.  
  
Again Willow didn't answer.  
  
"Willow?"  
  
"Um, I don't know. But I'll pay more attention from now on," answered Willow, speaking each word slowly so that Tara would...would what? Believe her? Would know that Willow knew? And knew what exactly?   
  
"I know you will," said Tara.  
  
Did Tara sound grateful? Or did her voice sound more like a warning, a challenge?  
  
"Goodnight, Willow."  
  
"Goodnight, Tara," responded Willow quickly, dreading the silence even before it came between them. Willow heard the phone click off. She just stared at the phone in her hand, not wanting to turn her light off and suddenly not feeling very sleepy at all.  
  
*****  
  
Buffy brushed her hair a few more times, staring at her reflection in the mirror. She placed the brush down and now stared at the closed and locked window across from her. Standing up, she turned the light by her bed off and waited until her eyes grew accustomed to the dark. Walking over to the window, her bare feet silent on the carpet, Buffy slid the latch over and lifted the window up.  
  
The night air was still, calm. She stayed there, motionless and quiet like the darkness, listening, waiting, but she heard nothing and saw even less. Shoulders slumping, Buffy paused in front of her closet and then opened the door halfway before sitting on the edge of her bed.  
  
"Get the hint?" she whispered, glancing around the room. With a sigh she settled under the covers and closed her eyes.  
  
*****  
  
Buffy opened her eyes, not even realizing for a moment that she was awake. She knew without looking at the clock that sunrise was still a long way off...at least it felt that way. Glancing over she confirmed what her Slayer instincts had told her; it was only four o'clock. As quietly as she could she sat up, the sheet slipping down and pooling around her waist.  
  
"Giles?"  
  
Her room was silent, the night quieter still. She took a deep breath and settled back down onto her back, pulling the sheet back up until it covered her up to her neck. Buffy kept her eyes open, staring at the ceiling, waiting simply because she didn't't know what else to do.  
  
Kicking off her covers, Buffy sprang out of bed and reached for her phone, dialing his number. And yet as she listened to each ring, part of her prayed that he would pick up while another part of her was afraid that he would.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
Buffy let out a breath that she didn't know she had been holding in. The voice on the phone belonged to a woman.  
  
"Hello?" she repeated, this time a little louder.  
  
"Excuse me, can I speak to Rupert Giles, please?" asked Buffy.  
  
"I'm afraid he's not here at the moment. Can I take a message?"  
  
"Oh. Um..."  
  
"Buffy? Is that you?" asked her voice. And suddenly that voice seemed familiar to Buffy, yet she couldn't remember...  
  
"Olivia?" asked Buffy cautiously.  
  
"Yes, that's right. It is you! So nice to hear from you again...well, what I mean is it's been a long time, hasn't it?"  
  
"Yes. A very long time. Do you know when Giles will be back?" asked Buffy quickly.  
  
"Rupert is away on retreat. I don't expect him back until the end of the week. He's up in the Cotswolds, kayaking or some such nonsense. Said he never got the chance to do that when..."  
  
The was a pause as Olivia realized what she had said.  
  
"When he was my Watcher," finished Buffy.  
  
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean..."  
  
"It's okay, I understand. Is there anyway you can get in touch with him to let him know I called? Maybe he checks in with you?" asked Buffy hopefully.  
  
"I'm afraid not. Is there an emergency? I could call the Council and perhaps they could have someone..."  
  
"No. No, there's no emergency. Just...just tell him I called," sighed Buffy.  
  
"I will."  
  
"When did he leave?"  
  
"Two days ago," answered Olivia. "I'm watching his flat for him while he's gone."  
  
"Oh. So you...I mean, you're seeing him again?" asked Buffy, wincing on the word 'seeing'.  
  
"I wish I knew," laughed Olivia, though there was a touch of bitterness in her tone.  
  
"I'm sorry, that was kinda rude of me. It's really none of my business," cringed Buffy.  
  
"No, I don't mind. Actually, I was thinking of calling you. Buffy, Rupert's been so quiet since he got back home. Too quiet," said Olivia.  
  
"Home," whispered Buffy.  
  
"I'm getting a little worried about him. Hopefully this trip will help but, but did something happen? He's...he's just not himself. Buffy...I don't think he's very happy. I know he isn't, but he won't tell me why," sighed Olivia.  
  
"How quiet?" asked Buffy, now worried.  
  
"The quiet where you hope he's only depressed about something...something he'll eventually get over. And, um...he doesn't talk about you. At all. In fact, he changes the subject if I bring your name up. Did you have a falling out?" asked Olivia boldly.  
  
"Um, no. At least I don't think so. It's been so long since we talked. I, I just...I just wanted to hear his voice again," said Buffy. She could hear Olivia slowly inhaling in disbelief.  
  
"I'll tell him that you called," said Olivia, suddenly sounding like she wanted this conversation to end. Buffy swallowed, unsure of what to say.  
  
"Thanks. Bye," whispered Buffy, hanging up the phone before Olivia could answer.  
  
*****  
  
Willow and Dawn came down the stairs together and looked at one another, their expressions in competition to see who could appear more confused. They stopped near the kitchen, peering around the corner. And again they looked at one another, Willow nervous, Dawn simply afraid.  
  
"Smells like food," ventured Dawn.  
  
"But...it's Buffy. Cooking," frowned Willow.  
  
"Hey guys. Come on in, you're right on time. Bacon is already done and the eggs will be right up. Oh, I hope scrambled is okay. Dawn, can you get that toast? Coffee should been done too," smiled Buffy as she attended the frying pan.  
  
"I can have coffee?" asked Dawn eagerly.  
  
"Over my lifeless body," answered Buffy without turning around.  
  
"Well, you're all perky girl!" commented Willow.  
  
"Yep. Already did the laundry, too," smiled Buffy.   
  
"Sleep good?" asked Willow, trying not to sound worried in front of Dawn. But Buffy didn't seem to care.   
  
"Um, actually...no," replied Buffy, scraping the eggs onto three separate plates in turn. "But I'm not tired at all. I feel like I slept for like, twelve hours."  
  
"But Xander said yesterday, when you fought that vampire..."  
  
"I know, Dawn. But I'm fine now. Really. Just an off day, I guess," shrugged Buffy.  
  
"No...bad dreams?" inquired Willow, pouring herself a cup of coffee to avoid looking at Dawn.  
  
"Not a one. In fact, I think I'll go for a workout down at the Magic Shop this morning. Yeah, that sounds real good. I've got all this pent up energy. Gotta do something before I meet Tara," said Buffy, rinsing out the frying pan in the sink.  
  
Willow coughed, leaning forward in an attempt not to spill her coffee.  
  
"You okay?" asked Buffy.  
  
"Huh? Oh, yeah. Hot. Coffee. In the cup," said Willow, holding up her cup. "You're seeing Tara today?"  
  
"Before lunch. I wanted to tell her...tell her that she doesn't have to research that project. You know. That project," repeated Buffy, casting a warning glance in Dawn's direction.  
  
"Oh. Well, you know, you could just call her," suggested Willow.  
  
"Yeah, but she wanted to return my...hat," said Buffy, suddenly dreading that she had brought that subject up again. "Um, Dawn, you all ready for school? I thought I'd walk with you today."  
  
"Okay. But it's early yet. And I have to eat," reminded Dawn, picking up a fork as she took a plate off the counter.  
  
"Right. Come on, Will. Dig in," offered Buffy, handing her a plate.  
  
Willow smiled, but it was only a half-hearted attempt.  
  
*****  
  
"Hey, Tara. Come on in," offered Buffy, closing the door behind Tara as she entered.  
  
"Well, this is a good sign," smiled Tara.  
  
Buffy wrinkled her eyebrows.  
  
"I don't have to wake you up. Like last time," reminded Tara.  
  
"Oh. Right. No, I'm wide awake and chipper this morning. In fact, I'm headed over to the Magic Box for a workout later."  
  
"Sooo...no dreams last night? No unwelcomed visitors?" asked Tara.  
  
"Nope. Nada. And now I feel kinda embarrassed, bothering you. Guess you were right. Considering what I've been going through, an intense dream or two isn't unexpected. Watcha got?" asked Buffy, peering into the paper bag Tara was holding.  
  
"Your baseball cap," smiled Tara, pulling it out from the bag and handing it to Buffy. "Thanks."  
  
"Anytime," answered Buffy, though her smile subsided as she thought of Willow.  
  
"And what Willow likes to call stinky sand," added Tara, holding up a glass with blue sand in it. Plastic wrap covered the top and was held in place by an elastic band.  
  
"Hence the cover," commented Buffy.  
  
"Yep. It's one of the ingredients for that detection spell. Sure we don't need it? Won't do any harm if there's no foul, so to speak," encouraged Tara.  
  
"No," replied Buffy quickly. Maybe a little too quickly. "Will's doing so good. I know she's not here right now, but I don't want any magicks being played with. Harmless or not, we just don't know how it might affect her. Okay?"  
  
"I suppose," shrugged Tara, unconvinced.  
  
"Tara, if I have another dream, we'll do the spell. I promise. Besides, you yourself said that what's happened doesn't seem to fit the pattern of an incubus," said Buffy forcefully.  
  
Tara nodded, somewhat mollified.  
  
"Just keep this in your room, maybe, maybe under your bed where Willow won't find it. That way it's here if we need it later," said Tara, handing the glass to Buffy.  
  
"Sure. I'll do it right now and then I'll walk you most of the way to class. The Magic Box is on the way," smiled Buffy, taking the glass and running up the stairs behind them.  
  
Tara smiled but, feeling guilty, bit her lower lip. Still, she was happy that the potion was in Buffy's room.  
  
*****  
  
Buffy patted her face with a towel, watching the weight bag as it creaked back and forth on its chain. She had broken a good sweat and her muscles ached with that warm burn only being tired from a workout could give. Still, something was missing. And in the silent, empty room it was quickly and painfully obvious what was lacking. Giles. He should be here. Holding the punching bag, telling her about dropping her shoulder even when she wasn't, pushing her, encouraging her...being there for her. It was more than just her workout. He had touched so many aspects of her life in so many little, unseen ways, yet she had taken him for granted.  
  
So was it her fault or his that he had left?  
  
Buffy drained her water bottle and tossed it across the room in anger, unsure if she was mad at herself...or him.  
  
*****  
  
"So, whatcha wanna do now? Hey, how 'bout we rent a movie?" asked Buffy enthusiastically. "You know, I think you're old enough for Thelma and Louise."  
  
"Um, Buffy? I have some homework to finish up. And I really appreciate the whole bonding thingy, what with you picking me up after school every day, the shopping trips, cooking dinner, eating dinner, cleaning up after dinner..."  
  
"Dawn."  
  
"And don't take this the wrong way, 'cause I really like spending time with my sister, but I just want to hang tonight, maybe call Janice on the phone..."  
  
"Dawn."  
  
"Besides, I've already seen Thelma and Louise!" pouted Dawn.  
  
"Dawn, I...you've seen Thelma and Louise? Where was I?"  
  
"Patrolling. You know, that hobby of yours that keeps you out late most every night? The hobby that you won't let me be a part of?" reminded Dawn.  
  
"You want a hobby? Take up crocheting. You'd learn a useful skill and at the same time might be able to add money to our meager savings if you sold what you made," smiled Buffy.  
  
Dawn didn't look amused.  
  
"I'm crowding you," winced Buffy. "I'm, I'm clingy girl. I'm overdoing the compensating. I'm over-overcompensating!"  
  
"No. Well, not really," sighed Dawn.  
  
"I'm sorry. Just trying to make up for my lack of not being here for you. Forgive me?" asked Buffy in a mock begging tone.  
  
Dawn smiled.  
  
"I'll forgive you if you get your butt out there tonight. You know, go wrestle with a demon or whatever you do to pass the time. I'll be fine."  
  
Buffy eyes opened a bit wider but she nodded in agreement.   
  
"Oh, and Thelma and Louise was on TV. They cut out the good parts," frowned Dawn.  
  
"We'll rent the movie soon. I promise," smiled Buffy, giving her sister a hug. "Guess I'd better go get ready."  
  
"Have fun," winked Dawn.  
  
Buffy turned to hide her smile. And she continued to smile as she bounded up the stairs to her room.  
  
*****   
  
Even though he had just lit this cigarette, Spike threw it down and ground it out with his heel. He tilted his head, listening, waiting more for a scent than a sound. As if to confirm his suspicions that he wasn't alone, the insects around him suddenly fell silent. And he smiled even before he turned around, knowing, even feeling, that it was her.  
  
She stepped up to him, her eyes, doe-like, never leaving his, so close he could hear her heartbeat now. Spike hesitated, then slowly leaned forward, his lips hovering near but never once brushing her own. Neither of them closed their eyes. He raised his hand, gently pushing her hair aside and she pressed her cheek against his palm. Only now did he give in and kiss her, his other hand slipping around her back to pull her close.  
  
Buffy closed her eyes, letting the kiss linger. She felt his hand against her side, moving up...and she smiled as his body ever so briefly tensed when he realized she wasn't wearing a bra. She reluctantly pulled away from his lips and rested her forehead against his.  
  
"Not here," she whispered.  
  
"Why not?" teased Spike.  
  
Buffy opened her eyes but looked down at the ground between them.  
  
"I...I want..."  
  
Spike cupped her chin with his fingers and encouraged her to look at him. He smiled for her and she took a deep breath.  
  
"I want to spend the night with you," winced Buffy, as if ashamed to admit it.  
  
Spike stepped back and nodded, though it seemed more of a bow to her. And he held out his hand to her. Buffy reached for him, then hesitated, staring for a moment at her callused palm, her dry and cracked skin, rough from the work she must do. The work no one else could do.  
  
As if reading her thoughts, Spike took her hand before she could pull it away and raised it to his mouth, kissing the back of her hand softly then pressing her palm against his own cheek this time. Slipping his fingers between hers, he lowered their coupled hands and led her away. Buffy glanced at him once or twice but didn't speak, looking away if she thought he would notice. Yet she couldn't hide her smile from him. And Spike gave her hand a playful squeeze.  
  
*****   
  
Buffy opened her eyes, quickly realizing that she had woken up because she was cold. Spike was hogging the covers, a double insult as she couldn't snuggle against him and be warmed by his body. Pulling at least some of the blanket free from his grasp, she covered herself and silently cursed for once again not remembering to bring socks. Her feet were cold, but bringing socks would also be admitting to herself that this just didn't happen but instead was planned. Better to have cold feet than to confess that she had once again sought him out by her own free will.  
  
The crypt was still dimly lit by a few of the candles that hadn't burned out yet. Buffy kept her eyes open, listening to the soft cadence of dripping water. The room was dark and not only because it was poorly lit. She again considered the idea of decorating this room by herself or at least making a few suggestions but just as quickly dismissed the notion; it would be an admission to both of them that she was a part of his life.  
  
Should she sneak out now or risk facing him in the morning? Buffy didn't want to leave but knew that if she stayed he had a way to make her late getting home that she found impossible to resist. She sat up, keeping the blanket wrapped around herself with one hand as she searched with her eyes for her clothes.  
  
Even after she saw him it took a moment to realize that they weren't alone. He was across the room from the bed, the darkness not only hiding him but seeming to cling to him, as if he would have to struggle to emerge from it. Yet with ease, unhindered, he took a step forward, his face now silhouetted by the flickering candles. He wasn't smiling. If anything, he seemed embarrassed to be here, shifting his weight from one foot to the other, refusing to make eye contact with her.  
  
"Giles! What are you...you shouldn't be here," whispered Buffy, casting a warning glance at Spike in the bed by her side.   
  
"You can speak freely and without whispering. He won't awaken," promised Giles.  
  
"Oh. You mean..."  
  
"Yes, you're sleeping. I...I couldn't stay away. Not that I didn't try," grinned Giles, though his smile quickly faded.  
  
"No, I'm glad you're here. We so need to talk," said Buffy, still keeping her voice low but not whispering now. Giles nodded and Buffy drew the blanket closer to herself. He looked down out of politeness.  
  
"I'm sorry that I told you," sighed Giles.  
  
"No. Don't be. You need to be honest with me. As I with you," added Buffy firmly.  
  
"But...but if..."  
  
"Giles, you've already told me. Now I know, so there's no risk of losing me or, or scaring me off. See? Still here. So come sit down beside me," said Buffy, patting the bed next to her. Giles hesitated but then did sit down on the bed. But at the far end of the bed, out of Buffy's reach.   
  
"I haven't begun to tell you anything," said Giles, his mouth curling up at the corners. And his smile relaxed Buffy, soothed her, calmed her when she hadn't been aware of just how nervous she was.  
  
"How long?" asked Buffy.  
  
Giles raised an eyebrow at her. Buffy rolled her eyes.  
  
"How long have you had feelings for me?" clarified Buffy.  
  
Giles leaned back, his eyes on Spike as he considered her question.  
  
"A long time. Almost worked up the courage to tell you once. Almost."  
  
"Oh?" encouraged Buffy.  
  
"Remember the ghosts of Grace Newman and James Stanley?" began Giles, phrasing his words like a statement and not a question.  
  
"Of course."  
  
"We...we were both...what I mean is," started Giles, looking up at Buffy but uncomfortably looking away just as fast.  
  
"I remember, Giles. Angel was...gone. And Jenny was dead," said Buffy softly, herself now looking away when Giles flinched at hearing Jenny's name.  
  
"You were so lost, Buffy. So scared. And I thought I could...help you. And, of course, I needed you as well. Together, maybe, just maybe..."  
  
Giles took a deep breath and tried to smile.  
  
"So, why didn't you? Was it my age? I had just turned seventeen," frowned Buffy.  
  
"No. No, that didn't matter. Not to me. Oh, I would've kept us a secret, if there ever would've been an 'us'. But what held me back was what you said about forgiveness," said Giles, watching to see if Buffy would remember.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
Giles tried not to laugh.  
  
"You said that James destroyed the one person he loved most in a moment of blind passion...and that was not something you forgave, no matter why he did it. No matter if he knew that it was wrong and selfish and stupid."  
  
Buffy stared at Giles, her lower lip trembling slightly.  
  
"If I had told you how I felt...and if you didn't feel the same way..."  
  
"Giles," whispered Buffy.  
  
"Are you beginning to understand? Can you? I was afraid. Afraid that...if you couldn't trust me, you would be dead by now," finished Giles, looking down but not away from her. Neither of them spoke. From deep within the crypt the sound of dripping water echoed coldly.  
  
"Been there, done that," smiled Buffy, vainly trying to break the tension.  
  
"So...where do we go from here?" sighed Giles. Before Buffy could answer, Spike groaned in his sleep, twitching slightly. Buffy ignored him.   
  
"Come back to me, Giles," pleaded Buffy, her voice again a whisper. "I didn't tell the others. We can work through this. No one has to know."  
  
Giles almost imperceptibly shook his head.  
  
"I can't make you love me. You either feel something or you don't. It's better this way," said Giles, his sad eyes now firmly looking back at her, unblinking.  
  
"No!" shouted Buffy, reaching for him. But Giles leaned back and Buffy immediately lowered her hand, wincing at the thought that he wouldn't want her to touch him. Giles closed his eyes, taking in a deep breath. Buffy expected him to clean his glasses next, almost wished that he would. It's what he would do and she wasn't sure if she knew him now. But Giles just sat there, not moving, not looking at her.  
  
"I need you, now more than ever," said Buffy plainly, no emotion in her voice. Yet when Giles did look up her saw the ache she couldn't hide in her eyes.  
  
"I know. I know you do," sighed Giles.  
  
Buffy adjusted the blanket up in front of her again, suddenly feeling a chill. She didn't remember Spike's crypt being this drafty.  
  
"Buffy...do you trust me?" asked Giles, still not looking at her.  
  
"Do you even have to ask?" snapped Buffy, almost in anger. Almost. Giles nodded.  
  
"When I taught you that meditation technique, the one you used to enter that trance-like state..."  
  
"Oh, and I saw Dawn for what she was," finished Buffy.  
  
"Yes," answered Giles, now excitedly looking at her. "Do you remember how your senses were heightened, sharpened to a new awareness? Colors, sounds almost, almost too intense to bear?"  
  
Buffy nodded , watching him.  
  
"For me to be here, I exist in that state. I can't explain it...it just is," smiled Giles. "This is how I can help you. I know. I understand what's missing now. What you aren't feeling since you came back."  
  
Buffy thought about that for a moment, her eyes absently drawn to Spike.  
  
"So if I enter this trance-like state again..."  
  
"No, that's only the beginning. Your meditation will be transient, fleeting. But I can help you remember."  
  
"Remember?" repeated Buffy, confused.  
  
"Yes. Your body, it's...it's still sleeping. And it doesn't even know what it craves, but only because it can't remember," said Giles, leaning towards her just a bit more now. Buffy stared at him doubtfully.  
  
Giles slowly extended his hand towards her.  
  
"Trust me," he whispered, his voice like a promise.  
  
Buffy wasn't sure why, but she hesitated, glancing from his hand back to his eyes. There was no sadness there now, no doubt...and yet Buffy still didn't move to touch his hand.  
  
"It has to be your choice. Do you trust me?" whispered Giles.  
  
And Buffy smiled.  
  
"Always," breathed Buffy.  
  
She raised her hand to his, but Giles didn't try to grasp it. Instead, he simply held his hand motionless between them. Buffy brushed against his palm with her fingertips, surprised at how warm his skin felt. Then she pressed her palm to his, curling her fingers around his hand as he responded in turn. There was more than just warmth now. Buffy could feel the texture of his skin, the sensation a stark contrast to her own flesh as if he were alive and she was simply...warm.  
  
Buffy tilted her head, her lips parting in wonder. She intertwined her fingers with his, eyes widening as something within her stirred and awakened. Encouraging her with a hint of a smile, Buffy leaned forward to place his hand against her cheek. She gasped, inhaling sharply as the heat from his skin seemed to flow into her, spreading not as a caress but as fluid seeping into her. Tears welled up in her eyes. Trembling, she eased his hand away with a moan and yet in the same motion held his hand with both of hers now. The blanket around her slipped down a bit lower.  
  
"Surrender yourself to it, abandon any doubt, any remorse," said Giles softly. Buffy watched in fascination as his lips moved. "Open your mind."  
  
She didn't hesitate this time. Buffy deftly shifted her weight forward and brought his hand to her chest as the blanket fell away between them. The warmth now spreading into her was intoxicating. She closed her eyes, savoring this bliss, her breath now rapid and shallow. Spike moved, his leg rubbing against her own, but he slept on unaware.  
  
Opening her eyes, Buffy looked first at Spike and then slowly turned her head to meet her Watcher's gaze, making a connection. Spike...Giles...this was instinct without thought, basic, primal...this was simple need, male to female. And she understood what power the vampire held over her, why she craved his body. Her body had simply forgotten.  
  
Buffy shivered. She didn't understand what was happening...she only knew she wanted more.  
  
"How?" begged Buffy.   
  
"Shh," whispered Giles, kissing her forehead. Buffy's eyes opened wide, her cheeks wet with tears. She swallowed once, stifling a sob, a wave of anxiousness overcoming her like nausea.   
  
Giles' hand moved on its own now, covering her breast. Buffy swayed, her breath ragged, gasping. She threw an arm around him and pulled him down on top of her, falling back onto the bed. Her lips sought out his, her need fierce, demanding. He kissed her back but slowly, teasingly, yet his free hand tore at the blanket between them, pulling it aside. And she felt his body respond as she moved her legs apart.  
  
He pulled back and briefly smiled down at her before lowering his lips to where his hand had been. Buffy glanced at Spike, no longer caring if he did wake up, then closed her eyes, her hips arching against him as Giles kissed her body. She groaned in protest when he paused and opened her eyes. Again he was looking at her. Pointless words went unspoken. Buffy nodded once and felt him press against her. She fumbled frantically with the buttons on his shirt then, in desperation, tore it open.  
  
His head slipped lower down, his breath alternating with his tongue, dancing across her skin, barely brushing against her. She put both her hands behind his neck, forcing him to her. Buffy was crying now and yet at the same time felt like laughing. This was so...right, so simple. How could she not have known? Giles covered her breast again with one hand as his other hand slipped beneath her, pulling her towards him.   
  
Buffy cried out, gasping, smiling, tears flowing freely now as these sensations washed over her. It was confusing, terrifying even, but she focused on the one thing she understood. She felt alive again.   
  
*****  
  
"Buffy? Hey! Sleepyhead, time to get up! Or do you trust Dawn to get herself off to school?"  
  
"Hmm? What?" mumbled Buffy, squinting even though the room was still dark. Spike was sitting up next to her in bed. Frowning.  
  
"Oh God. By your expression I can only imagine what my hair looks like," moaned Buffy, pulling the covers over her head. "What time is it anyway?"  
  
"Time for you to get home. I'd walk you there, but the sun will be rising soon. If it's not already up," sighed Spike, eliciting a groan from Buffy.  
  
"But I don't want to get up," whined Buffy, yawning. And then she opened her eyes fully. "Hey. What's going on?"  
  
Buffy smacked Spike's arm and frowned at him.  
  
"What?" winced Spike, holding his arm in mock pain.  
  
"I'm the one usually trying to sneak off. And you're the one trying to make me late...as only you can," smiled Buffy. Spike only pouted at the compliment.  
  
"Maybe if I had a good night's sleep, I might be more energetic this morning," complained Spike. "Must've been one hell of a dream, kiddo. All that moaning and groaning, tossing and turning. Hope as hell you were dreaming of me and not soldier boy."  
  
Buffy looked away, suddenly remembering last night. All of last night.  
  
"Oh, bloody hell! At least lie for the sake of my ego," snapped Spike, getting out of bed.  
  
"Jealous?" teased Buffy.  
  
"Pfft!" replied Spike, stepping into his pants. "Not very likely."  
  
Buffy wrapped the covers around her and leaned over, reaching for her own pants on the floor. But she froze, staring at something on the floor next to them. She knew immediately what it was but her hand refused to obey her. She made no attempt to pick it up.  
  
"Are you getting up? The maid will be here in half an hour and since I don't have any money to pay her, I'll have to satisfy her in other ways. So, unless you like to watch...," smiled Spike.  
  
Buffy rolled her eyes and shook her head. She stood up, slipping into her pants with her back to him. Yawning deeply, she reached for her blouse and kicked the button on the floor under the bed. The button that had been on the shirt that Giles had worn last night.  
  
END OF PART FOUR 


	5. Part 5

Title: Need  
  
PART FIVE  
  
The sky was still a deep blue though the horizon was paling in the east, the first hints of red just emerging. Buffy was smiling as she walked home, content to watch the morning as it awakened. Sunsets she had seen countless times before. Watching the sun rise was a rare treat as her life usually demanded that she sleep at this time. And no matter what anyone said, sunrise was much different than dusk. Especially for a Slayer. Especially this sunrise.  
  
A silent blur of motion to her right distracted her from admiring the sky and Buffy barely turned her head before being tackled. The wind was knocked from her lungs as she was slammed down hard onto her back. She raised her head to get a look at her attacker but was struck across her jaw with a fist. Dazed, she tried to focus, fighting off unconsciousness. And then she felt a firm, cold hand on her ankle as she was dragged from the street towards a side alley.  
  
Buffy moaned and the vampire growled, surprised that his victim was still awake. That moment of hesitation allowed her to kick at his wrist with her other foot and twist herself free of its hold. She rolled, anticipating his attack but her move was sluggish. Suddenly his hands were around her throat and Buffy was pulled to her feet. In fact her feet were no longer touching the pavement and she couldn't breathe. As she vainly tried to pry his hands free the vampire sneered at her, drool dripping from one side of its mouth. And Buffy instantly knew that he was stronger than she was. But that only made her angry.  
  
She smashed her forehead into his face but still his grip didn't ease from her throat. Gasping, Buffy shoved a finger into his eye and wriggled free, falling to her hands and knees, desperately forcing air into her lungs. The vampire kicked at her face and she was only able to partially block the blow, her reflexes slow and again betraying her. On her back once more, Buffy tensed for its next attack.  
  
He stood above her, eyeing the brightening sky, sniffing at it. Glaring at her, hissing, the vampire turned and ran back into the alley, jumping into an open manhole. Buffy raised herself up onto one elbow, rubbing her throat. Rising to her knees, trembling, Buffy again looked up towards the eastern horizon. Weak and light-headed, she didn't even consider going after the vampire.  
  
*****  
  
Buffy quietly shut the door behind her and tiptoed past the stairs, making her way to the kitchen. And was met by a frowning Dawn.  
  
"Um...aren't those the clothes you were wearing last night?" asked Dawn, hands on hips.  
  
Buffy weakly nodded, suddenly realizing that she was rubbing her throat. She lowered her hand and brushed her pants off, avoiding Dawn's glare.  
  
"Rough night?"  
  
"You might say that," yawned Buffy. "But I made it back in time to make you breakfast before you head off to school."  
  
"That's okay. I already ate. Besides, it's almost time to go," shrugged Dawn.  
  
"Oh. Um, okay, just give me a minute to brush my hair and I'll walk with you," said Buffy, rubbing both eyes.  
  
"You don't have to. Really, I don't mind. You're obviously beat and it's not like I haven't done it before. I promise I'll go to school and not cut class," sighed Dawn.  
  
"That's not why..."  
  
Buffy stopped, seeing Dawn's doubt. She took a few steps closer to her.  
  
"Really. That's not why. I trust you. I just...I'm trying to spend more time with you, that's all. Even if it's just to talk on the way to school."  
  
Dawn reluctantly nodded.  
  
"Okay. And I appreciate that. But not today. You, you might scare people," said Dawn, looking her sister up and down.  
  
"That bad?" frowned Buffy.  
  
"Well..."  
  
"Okay, it's off to the shower for me. But I'll meet you after school. I don't have to be in work until four thirty," reminded Buffy.  
  
"Good. Just don't pick me up in your uniform," whined Dawn. Buffy rolled her eyes.  
  
"You have your lunch?" asked Buffy.  
  
Dawn held up a brown paper bag.  
  
"Okay," smiled Buffy. "Is Willow up yet?"  
  
"No. So, see you later."  
  
"Bye," answered Buffy, yawning again.  
  
Dawn shook her head and left. Buffy leaned back against the wall behind her and stretched, smiling as she thought back on last night.  
  
*****  
  
Dawn walked along, not really paying attention to where she was going, though she had been down this street so many times before she was sure she could get to school with her eyes closed. And yet...she suddenly had the feeling that she was being watched. Without stopping, she glanced back over her shoulder but didn't see anyone. With a shrug she continued on, picking up her pace just a little. Then she heard what sounded like a branch snapping and she did stop to turn around. But again there was no one behind her. When she turned around she almost bumped into Tara.  
  
"Tara! You scared me!"  
  
"Sorry. I saw you walking and thought I'd say hi," smiled Tara.  
  
"What are you doing here? Isn't this a little out of your way?" asked Dawn.  
  
"Sort of," winced Tara. "Okay, I wanted to see you and I knew you'd be by here about this time."  
  
"Oh. Why didn't you just stop by the house?"  
  
"Well, actually, I didn't want Buffy to know. Dawn, can you keep a secret?" asked Tara, her tone serious. Dawn's eyes lit up and she eagerly nodded.  
  
"What's up?"  
  
"Promise you won't tell?" warned Tara.  
  
"Cross my heart and all that stuff! Is it about magic?" smiled Dawn.  
  
"Actually, yes, it is. That's why I don't want Willow to know. Or Buffy," added Tara.  
  
"Buffy? Why not?"  
  
"It's...complicated. But I need your help. There's a glass jar full of blue sand under Buffy's bed. Willow can't know about this. It's...well, you understand. And if I go over there to check on it..."  
  
"I getcha. She'd wonder why you were there," said Dawn.  
  
Tara nodded.  
  
"So, this sand...what's it do?"  
  
"Buffy thinks it's only part of a spell. But it's complete as is. See, I think she might be haunted by a...a kind of demon. But if she is, it might have some influence over her and she might not tell us. She might not be able to tell us," sighed Tara.  
  
"Oh. Is she in danger? Shouldn't we, I don't know, tell Xander?" asked Dawn, suddenly concerned.  
  
"No, no she's not in any danger. This demon is more of a pest than anything. Kinda like a poltergeist," smiled Tara briefly. "But it is serious."  
  
"Okay. So what do I do?"  
  
"Every morning, for at least a few days, just look at the jar. If it changes color, any color, if it's not blue, you need to call me right away. But don't let Buffy know," warned Tara.  
  
"But Buffy knows it's under her bed?" asked Dawn, confused.  
  
"Yes. I told her to hide it there in case we needed it later. And so Willow wouldn't find it."  
  
"Alright. Is there anything else? Would I be able to see this demon?" asked Dawn warily.  
  
"No, I don't think so. But let me know if Buffy's behavior changes at all, like if she's always tired, for instance," suggested Tara.  
  
"Like this morning," frowned Dawn.  
  
"This morning?"   
  
"Yeah. She was out all night. Patrolling. Just came home in time to say goodbye," said Dawn.  
  
"Oh. She was probably...well, that's a different kind of tired," said Tara, glancing away uncomfortably.  
  
"A different kind? What do you mean?"  
  
"Um...why don't I walk you to school? You're going to be late," smiled Tara.  
  
"Okay," shrugged Dawn, giving Tara a questioning stare.  
  
*****  
  
Even though they were trying to be quiet, Spike heard someone close the door to his crypt on the floor above him. Groaning, he sat up. And waited. He never heard her footsteps but grinned and shook his head as first a pair of boots and then her shapely legs descended the ladder. Spike reached for a cigarette, thought better of it and then kicked the covers to one side. Buffy stood at the base of the ladder, staring at him. She was wearing a long leather jacket and she pulled her hair free of it with both hands. Spike raised one eyebrow.  
  
"Um...are you wearing anything under that?" he asked, trying not to stare at her cleavage.  
  
"Wanna find out?" challenged Buffy.  
  
Spike stood, naked and smiling. Buffy kept her eyes in contact with his.  
  
"Didn't think I'd see you until tonight. Couldn't stay away, now could you?" grinned Spike.  
  
Buffy didn't answer but instead crossed her arms, tilting her head slightly to one side.  
  
"Oh, playing hard to get, are we?" snickered Spike.  
  
"I'm standing right here," answered Buffy. She pulled at her leather belt and her jacket parted slightly...but enough to show Spike that she was naked underneath as he had guessed. And that got his interest.  
  
He took the four steps that separated them and just as he got close enough, Buffy slapped him across his cheek with the back of her hand. Spike's head had barely moved but he could taste blood at the corner of his mouth. Narrowing his eyes, he hesitated, watching her, waiting to see what game she was playing.   
  
Buffy smiled at his confusion, a smug look that only hinted that she wasn't satisfied. Yet.  
  
"Come on, Spike. You like it rough. We haven't had any good foreplay since that night you told me...that night you showed me...that your chip doesn't work if you hit me. Don't you want to hit me, Spike? Or do I have to be bad first?" teased Buffy.  
  
And now Spike smiled. He lashed out but Buffy easily blocked his punch and she followed through with a jab to his stomach. Wincing but laughing at the same time, he tried to hook his leg around Buffy to knock her from her feet but Buffy brought her elbow up into his throat, spun and punched him hard in the face. Spike wobbled but was able to remain standing. She stood in a defensive posture, her coat open now and very distracting.  
  
Spike rubbed the side of his face, glaring at her.  
  
"What's going on?" he challenged, his words slurred by a puffy lip.  
  
"You don't like a challenge?" pouted Buffy. "A girl doesn't want to get a reputation for being too easy."  
  
Spike faked a punch with his left hand and threw a roundhouse right at her. Buffy caught his wrist and pivoted, using his momentum to flip him over her shoulder and onto his back. He grunted in pain but held onto her wrist. Looking up, he smiled.  
  
"Lovely view from down here," he laughed, pulling on her arm. Buffy had to step over him, a leg on either side of his chest, to stop from losing her balance. And then, reaching into her pocket, she smiled.  
  
"Let's make this interesting," said Buffy, her voice harsh. She held up a vial of water in her hand for him to see. There was a cross painted on the glass bottle.  
  
Spike stopped smiling.  
  
*****   
  
Dawn leaned up against the doorway that opened up into the kitchen, crossing her arms. Her sister was busy arranging some cut flowers in a vase, oblivious to Dawn's presence. Finally happy with her work Buffy sniffed the flowers before holding the vase under the faucet to fill it with water. Dawn let her backpack slide off her shoulder and it thumped loudly as it hit the floor. Not so much as even startled, Buffy looked back at her over her shoulder and smiled.  
  
"Hey, Dawn."  
  
Buffy's smile slowly faded as she turned the water off. Leaving the vase in the sink, she faced her sister with a frown.  
  
"I forgot something, didn't I?" said Buffy weakly, biting her lower lip.  
  
"Oh, as in forgetting to meet me after school? Hello? One minute you're smothering me, the next minute you've abandoned me to the wolves?" sighed Dawn.  
  
"Well, abandoned is such a harsh word. And as far as wolves are concerned, I can't remember the last time one was spotted in Sunnydale. Well, excepting Oz, of course, but there's not a full moon and hey, when's the last time..."  
  
"Buffy!"  
  
"I'm sorry. I, I was just having such a great day and, well, I guess...I guess I forgot. I'm sorry," winced Buffy.  
  
"You were having a great day?" asked Dawn suspiciously. Buffy nodded.   
  
"See? I even cut some flowers from the backyard. Thought I'd brighten things up a bit around here," smiled Buffy, holding up the vase for Dawn's approval.  
  
"Did you have your hair done?" asked Dawn, eyes widening.  
  
"Um, yeah, but nothing drastic. See? Same length. Just felt like a change. Not sure why, either. It just seemed like the thing to do," shrugged Buffy.  
  
"I like it," nodded Dawn, eliciting a smile from Buffy. Then Buffy put the vase on the counter and held up her hands, wiggling her fingers. Dawn's eyes opened even wider.  
  
"Too dark?" asked Buffy.  
  
"You got your nails done too?"  
  
"I know, we can't afford it. But..."  
  
Buffy proudly held her hands up a little higher. And Dawn laughed.  
  
"Hey, if it puts you in a good mood, it was worth the cost. I'll even eat that take out food...for a few days...if it'll help out. And yes, I like to color. It's not too dark," nodded Dawn.  
  
"Thanks," smiled Buffy. "And I am sorry. Guess I lost track of time."  
  
"No big," shrugged Dawn, walking past her and opening a cupboard.  
  
"Watcha doing?"  
  
"Getting some crackers," answered Dawn, peering into a box. "Russell let me feed him today. Just a few minutes ago, in fact. I want to see if he'll eat from my hand!"  
  
"A crow lets you get that close to him? That doesn't seem right somehow," frowned Buffy.  
  
"Must be used to people, I guess," shrugged Dawn. "Hey! Aren't you going to be late for work?"  
  
"Um...I'm not going," frowned Buffy.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"I called in sick. Sophie is covering for me. I told her I'd make it up to her later this week, cover for her."  
  
Dawn stared at her sister with her mouth slightly open.  
  
"But this doesn't mean you can skip school! I know, bad example and all, but, but...it was such a nice day! And I deserve a break. Don't I?" whined Buffy.  
  
"Yes, you do," laughed Dawn.  
  
"Thanks," replied Buffy, almost as if she were embarrassed.  
  
"I knew you weren't going to wear that skirt to work," teased Dawn. "Hey...is that new?"  
  
"Don't you have a bird to feed?"  
  
"That I do. And I should hurry before he flies off," said Dawn.  
  
"Okay, but put your stuff in your room first," said Buffy, nodding her head at Dawn's backpack. "I'm going to get some more flowers."  
  
Dawn rolled her eyes but picked the pack up and headed upstairs. Buffy picked up a pair of scissors off the counter and hesitated, looking at the phone on the wall. She almost reached for it, then glanced in the direction Dawn had gone. Taking a deep breath, she headed for the back door, avoiding looking at the phone as she walked by it.  
  
Tossing the backpack onto her bed, Dawn listened for Buffy was downstairs, then quickly went into Buffy's room and looked under her bed. The jar was there, just as Tara said it would be. And the sand was still blue. Hearing footsteps coming up the stairs, Dawn quickly stood and but only made it as far as Buffy's door before being found out.  
  
"Willow! Hey, I didn't know you were home already. You looking for Buffy? She's out in the backyard," smiled Dawn unconvincingly.  
  
"What are you up to, Dawn?" asked Willow, crossing her arms.  
  
"Up to? What do you mean?"  
  
"You know very well what I mean. What are you doing in Buffy's room?" asked Willow.  
  
"Um...nothing?" offered Dawn.   
  
Willow raised her eyebrows.  
  
"Oh, okay already! Enough with the third degree. I wanted to borrow a blouse of hers without Buffy knowing about it," sighed Dawn.  
  
Willow still looked doubtful but she smiled.  
  
"It's not like you haven't borrowed her clothes before without telling her about it. Remember that peasant top?" hinted Dawn.  
  
"I remember," answered Willow, lowering her arms. "Your secret is safe with me."  
  
"Thanks."  
  
"What's Buffy doing in the backyard?" asked Willow.  
  
"Picking flowers," replied Dawn, rolling her eyes.  
  
"Really?" asked Willow. "Um...why?"  
  
"Beats me. She's acting all kinds of weird. Had her hair and nails done. She even called in sick to work, said she needed a day off! I swear, if I didn't know better, I'd say she was in love."  
  
"In, in love?" repeated Willow, narrowing her eyes.  
  
"Go see for yourself," shrugged Dawn.  
  
"But, we'd know...wouldn't we? I mean...wouldn't we?" asked Willow, not looking at Dawn.  
  
"Well, it's not like she's home much. Wouldn't be hard to hide a new love interest, would it?"  
  
"Um..."  
  
"I'd ask her about it, but I'd rather snoop around on my own first and tease her about it later," grinned Dawn. "It's more fun that way."  
  
"She got her nails done?" asked Willow absently.  
  
"Yep. You'd like 'em. I think Tara had that color on last week and Buffy liked what she saw."  
  
Willow didn't answer.  
  
"I have a bird to feed before I get started on my homework. See ya later," said Dawn as she walked past Willow.  
  
"Um...yeah. Later," nodded Willow. "Wait...a bird to feed?" But Dawn was already gone.  
  
Willow glanced around Buffy's room once and then made her way back downstairs to the kitchen. Looking out the window, she noticed Buffy still outside near the garden, pruning some flowers with one hand while holding a bunch in her other. She noticed the vase on the counter and smiled at the arrangement...until she remembered that Tara liked these flowers.  
  
She decided to call Xander and reached for the phone. Before Willow could dial she heard a voice on the line and knew Dawn was using the phone. She was about to hang up when she recognized Tara's voice.  
  
"You sure she didn't notice, Dawn?"  
  
"Your secret is safe, Tara. Trust me, Willow doesn't suspect a thing."  
  
"That's good. I hate not telling her, but, well, you know...this is kinda awkward. It's best that she doesn't know. And, and it's not lying if I don't tell her, right?" asked Tara hopefully.  
  
"No, I guess not."  
  
"Still doesn't make me feel any less guilty," sighed Tara. "Dawn, how's Buffy seem today? I mean, what kind of mood is she in?"  
  
"I'm not sure what happened last night, but she's in a real good mood today. You'd think she was in love or something," said Dawn, whispering the last part.  
  
There was a moment of silence and Willow covered the mouthpiece of her phone with her hand, afraid that they might hear her breathing.  
  
"Maybe she is."  
  
"What? Tara, you know something we don't?"  
  
"No. No, how could I? I'm only saying that if she does, well then good for her. If Buffy found someone new...someone that would make her happy...wouldn't you be happy for her?"  
  
"Of course I would. But why wouldn't she tell us?" asked Dawn.  
  
"Um...I don't, I don't know. Maybe it's someone that she thought you or Xander or Willow wouldn't approve of."  
  
"Maybe. But who could that be?"  
  
"Dawn, I have to go. You'll call me if..."  
  
"If there's any change. I know."  
  
"Thanks. Bye," said Tara.  
  
"Bye."  
  
Willow stared at the phone in her hand, then glanced back out the window at Buffy. Even from here Willow could hear Buffy humming happily to herself.  
  
*****  
  
Her nose twitched, mistaking his soft touch for a breath of wind, no more than a puff against her skin. A breeze...that should mean something. Buffy blinked open her eyes, smiling as she looked up at him. She held her breath as he pushed her hair to one side, up and over her ear. And her eyes never left his.  
  
"I knew you'd come back. Tonight. Like this," said Buffy, still not moving.  
  
"Why?" questioned Giles, teasing her hair around a finger, becoming distracted by the touch.  
  
"It's like the rain falling. Where else can you go?" smiled Buffy. As she sat up his hand brushed against her arm, raising goosebumps across her skin. Giles was sitting on the edge of the bed and shifted his weight to be closer to her.  
  
"How do you feel?" he asked.  
  
Buffy shrugged, truly at a loss for words.   
  
"I...it doesn't hurt. To breathe, to, to...I can describe it, but I can't make you understand. I don't have to squint when I walk outside, sounds aren't as harsh. Am I making any sense?" laughed Buffy.  
  
Giles only smiled.  
  
"I'm not like I was, before...you know, but...wow! What did you do?" whispered Buffy.  
  
"I didn't do anything. You did."  
  
She wrinkled her eyebrows at him, not understanding.  
  
"Take my hand," repeated Giles.  
  
"What, you going all Dickens ghosty on me?" asked Buffy, only half in jest. But she still grasped his hand, smiling at the warmth of his touch. Then her face became tinged with red and she bit her lower lip but she still couldn't stop from laughing.  
  
"What?" smiled Giles.  
  
"No, it's nothing," protested Buffy, still struggling, unsuccessfully, to keep from laughing.  
  
"Buffy!"  
  
"Giles, please, it's...you'll take it the wrong way," sighed Buffy, shaking her head.  
  
Giles tilted his head slightly to one side, one side of his mouth curled up into a frown.  
  
"It's just...last night, and now...um, I mean this in a good way. A very good way!" added Buffy.  
  
He just stared at her.  
  
"Your body. It's..."  
  
Giles raised his eyebrows.  
  
"...softer than I thought it would be," winced Buffy. "And no, I don't mean the way you think."  
  
If Giles were mad or offended, his smile didn't show it.  
  
"It was a compliment," reminded Buffy. "I like. A big yes on the like."  
  
"Buffy, how you feel now...what you felt...I can only imagine what that sensation was like. But, is it only that?" asked Giles softly.  
  
She held his hand just a little firmer.  
  
"I, I don't understand," stammered Buffy.  
  
"I can wait. That's not important, not now. But...am I in there, with you? Or are you only happy because, well, because..."  
  
Buffy reached up and put a finger over his lips.  
  
"You're part of the mix, Giles. You are. I'm sorry, I should've..."  
  
"No, don't be sorry. I'm the one who left, remember?"   
  
Buffy looked down but Giles wouldn't let her hand slip from his.  
  
"Come with me outside. It's a beautiful night," whispered Giles.  
  
"But, I thought..."  
  
"You're with me. You'll be fine," promised Giles.  
  
"Okay, but I'm not really dressed for the occasion. I should get my robe," commented Buffy, glancing down at her sheer nightgown. Her shoulders were bare, the nightgown being held in place by a ribbon of material tied across her chest and under her arms.  
  
It was Giles' turn to laugh.  
  
"And who's going to see you?"  
  
"Oh. Right," grinned Buffy, pushing the covers aside and letting him pull her to her feet. She watched him apprehensively as he stared at her body for a moment but smiled when he finally made eye contact with her. His eyes didn't lie and she knew he liked what he saw. It should feel awkward, it shouldn't be this...comfortable, this soon. Not with him. But what she was feeling was anything but awkward. Buffy slipped her arm around his waist. He lowered his head, expecting a kiss, but she pulled him to her and hugged him, pressing the side of her face against his chest.  
  
Giles felt her body tense even before he had time to return the embrace. He pulled back just enough to look at her face. She glanced up at him, then looked back into the mirror they were standing in front of.   
  
Buffy saw only her reflection. She was alone.  
  
"This isn't real," she whispered.  
  
Giles gently cupped her cheek with a hand and made her look at him.  
  
"Yes, it is. I assure you...this is real," nodded Giles.  
  
"But..."  
  
Before she could question him, he kissed her. Softly, not rushing, his lips barely moving but encouraging her to respond. Buffy stood up on her toes as she kissed him back. And it was Giles who broke away first. Once again she held her face against his chest, felt his heartbeat as it quickened, rolled her tongue over her lips, tasting his saltiness. And she stared at her reflection.  
  
"It's me, Buffy," whispered Giles. "I'm with you. You're not alone. You trust me, don't you?"  
  
She smiled and nodded against him without looking up. Once again he took her hand and led her out into the hall. Buffy was aware of just how quiet the house was. Their feet made no sound as they crept down the stairs. And Buffy realized that she couldn't feel the rug under her bare feet. It was there, solid...but somehow it didn't...feel. Maybe this was a dream, and yet...  
  
He silently pushed the back door open and Buffy remembered that the door usually squeaked. Giles took in a deep breath and smiled as he looked up.  
  
"See? The night keeps her promise. Just look at that moon," pointed Giles, leading her out to the bench by the flower garden. She looked up at the moon as he pulled at her hand. And Buffy felt the moonlight upon her skin like it was the warmth of the sun...though her feet couldn't feel the dew on the grass. It was there, glistening almost like a frost in the pale moonlight, yet her feet didn't feel either cold or wet. Giles turned and faced her.  
  
"Don't be afraid," said Giles simply.  
  
"I'm not. Not at all."  
  
Giles smiled. He simply smiled.   
  
"I, I didn't intend to...what I mean is, I just wanted to help. To ease your pain. We...what happened last night, I didn't want to rush you, or, or have you think I took advantage of you," said Giles. "I..."  
  
Buffy reached up and tugged at the ribbon at the top of her nightgown. The gown fell away, becoming a white circle around her feet. She stood there for a moment, letting him take her in, then stepped forward and placed her hands on his hips. His arms encircled her as they kissed, long and deep, comfortable, familiar, as if they had been lovers for a long time. Buffy pulled at his belt, opening it, sliding it free, then unbuttoned his pants and with his encouragement wiggled them past his hips.  
  
She broke their kiss only long enough to push him down onto the bench. Buffy straddled him, ignoring the fact that her knees couldn't feel the bench beneath him. It just didn't matter. She could feel him. She could feel. Buffy looked into his eyes, reached past him to hold onto the bench...she didn't remember when he had removed his glasses...the moonlight silhouetted his face as he leaned in to kiss her, but she pulled back with a mischievous smile as she positioned her body over his...and he understood...her eyes to his, connecting, wanting, waiting...Giles inhaled sharply as she eased onto him...he reached up and gently pinched her breast between his fingers and she gasped in response...even as they kissed they kept their eyes open, not breaking this bond...each anticipating, teasing, craving, holding back...each playfully discovering what the other needed...  
  
*****  
  
Dawn's eyes opened and she immediately wondered what had woken her up. She glanced at her clock radio; it was only two thirty. And then she heard it, a low moan that was coming from...where? She pulled her covers up to her chin, her eyes darting around the room. Whatever it was, it hadn't sounded like the noises emanating from Willow's room when Tara used to stay overnight. Again the moan rose and she realized it was coming from the backyard.  
  
Tossing aside the covers, she cautiously crept forward towards her open window, drawn to that sound. It was a hopeless moan, like someone in pain, someone who had given up believing that the pain would ever end. Dawn peered over the windowsill. The backyard was empty. And yet that sound came again as if right below her. Was it even human? No. No, it was more like a plaintive wail from some wounded animal. Dawn shivered. That cry, so desperate, so forlorn and alone, as if a ghost, a lost soul, was roaming, searching for what it could never find.  
  
The moonlight seemed to dim, yet it was a cloudless night. Dawn slowly turned her head, her eyes opening wide. A large raven was perched only inches from her face, its head tilted to one side, a single black eye watching her.  
  
Dawn screamed and slammed the window shut. She dove back into her bed, pulling the covers up over her head. She held her breath, listening, but the night was quiet. Still...like a tomb. She dared to ease the covers down to her neck, her knuckles white as they gripped the sheets. The window was empty. The raven was gone.  
  
*****  
  
Buffy lay with her head on his chest, one leg over his, listening to his heart as it slowed its frantic pace. She was still breathing heavily herself and she pressed closer to him, the warmth of his body calming her. Giles lay on his back, staring up at the stars, one hand playing with her hair. Again she noticed that her body couldn't feel the damp grass beneath them but somehow she didn't care. It just wasn't important.  
  
"Buffy?"  
  
"Shhh. Not now. I just want to listen to you breathe, feel your arm around me," whispered Buffy, snuggling closer against him though she felt no cold.  
  
They lay like that for a while, content to just hold each other.  
  
"Buffy?"  
  
"Mmm?"  
  
"What are you going to do?"  
  
"You mean in the next five minutes?" she responded, giggling.  
  
"No. About...about Spike."  
  
Buffy lay still, listening to his heart. And ignoring her own. He stopped twirling her hair.  
  
"I don't know," whispered Buffy.  
  
"You don't need him now," said Giles.  
  
"No, but...Giles, it's complicated."  
  
He didn't say anything so Buffy raised her head and looked at him.  
  
"Is it guilt that's holding you back?" asked Giles.  
  
Buffy tried to look away but she couldn't.  
  
"Giles...he has feelings for me. He's looked after Dawn, he's...I, I don't know how things got so...so involved," sighed Buffy. "I'm using him. But, at the time, it's what I needed. Giles, you don't know...I can't think about this right now. Please?"  
  
Giles nodded and sat up, holding her as he did. He reached over and picked up her nightgown, handing it to her with a smile.   
  
"Morning isn't far off. Let's get you back to bed."  
  
Buffy pouted but took her nightgown from him. She slipped it over her head and watched as he got dressed. He glanced at her but she didn't smile.  
  
"Giles...come home. Please. We don't have to hide. We, we can be together," sighed Buffy, suddenly trying not to cry. "The others would understand."  
  
Giles took in a breath, slowly.  
  
"And I wouldn't care if they didn't understand," added Buffy.  
  
Giles nodded but didn't look her in the eye.  
  
"Soon," he whispered, his voice breaking.  
  
Buffy stepped in front of him and he tensed, sensing an argument. But Buffy just hugged him and held him only until she felt him relax. Wrapping her arm around his waist, it was she who led him back to her room.  
  
As they ascended the stairs, Buffy saw him look at her and smile.  
  
"What?" she asked, suspicious.  
  
"Wait. You'll see," he said, his smile deepening. He walked ahead of her, blocking her view of her room as they entered. Giles turned ran his fingers through her hair, smiling so tenderly Buffy thought her heart would break.  
  
"Lay with me, just...hold me until the morning comes. I'll be here, with you, even as you sleep," promised Giles.  
  
Buffy felt the tears welling up in her eyes and knew she didn't have to answer him with words. She took his hands into her own and stepped towards her bed. And then she froze.  
  
Her bed was covered with red rose petals.  
  
Buffy looked down, away from the bed. Away from Giles. She pulled her hands free.  
  
"Buffy? What's wrong?"  
  
Buffy raised her head but hesitated, biting her lower lip. Giles waited, not forcing her.  
  
"This isn't...um, Giles, do I have to say it?" winced Buffy.  
  
Giles looked at her helplessly. Buffy turned her back on the bed and closed her eyes.  
  
"Do I have to say her name?" whispered Buffy. She slowly opened her eyes to watch his reaction.  
  
"Oh. Oh dear, I...Buffy, I'm sorry," gasped Giles. And now he turned from her as he removed his glasses, covering his eyes with one hand. Buffy moved in front of him but he turned his head to one side even as she reached up to touch his face.  
  
"Hey. It's okay," comforted Buffy, her voice lacking conviction.  
  
"No. I'm such an old fool," said Giles. She could hear the ache in his voice and her throat constricted in sympathy. Buffy didn't have to see his face to know that he was crying.  
  
"No, you're not. I, I shouldn't have mentioned it. Roses petals, classic textbook romance ploy, I get it. But..."  
  
"But nothing. I don't know what I was thinking," sighed Giles, pulling her in so that she couldn't see his face. "I'm so sorry. They're gone. Buffy, I..."  
  
"Shh. Don't. Not now. Not with the morning so close. I don't want you to go. Especially not like this," added Buffy, forcing a strained laugh.  
  
Giles quickly rubbed his eyes and then hugged her tighter.  
  
"You're right. Let's just..."  
  
He didn't have to say the words. Buffy stretched out on the bed and he took his place beside her, arms entwined, his breath soft upon her cheek. She didn't even try to keep her eyes open. Buffy held him, knowing he would keep his promise.  
  
END OF PART FIVE 


	6. Part 6

Title: Need  
  
PART SIX  
  
"Buffy."  
  
Buffy groaned but didn't open her eyes.  
  
"Buffy!"  
  
"Huh? What? I'm up, I'm...huh?" muttered Buffy, opening one eye.  
  
"I let you sleep. Not that I had much of a choice. Two elephants could've been mating in here and you never woulda heard 'em," sighed Dawn, shaking her head. "I thought you went to bed early last night."  
  
"Um, I did. Maybe I'm coming down with something," said Buffy, sitting up and rubbing her eyes.  
  
"Right, like you're ever sick. I'm off. See ya after school?"  
  
"Yeah," nodded Buffy, yawning.  
  
Dawn gave her a doubtful look.  
  
"I will!" protested Buffy. Dawn smiled and left the room. Buffy sighed and fell back onto her pillow. She stared at the ceiling for a moment and knew that if she didn't get up she'd fall right back to sleep. Groaning again, she got out of bed and stepped onto something soft and somewhat cold. Wincing, she lifted her foot aside and looked down.  
  
There on the floor was a single red rose petal. Kneeling down, Buffy reached for it, hesitated, then slowly picked it up, turning it over in her hand. It was real, there was no doubt about that. She searched the floor but didn't see any more petals. And then she remembered the jar under her bed. Buffy leaned over but it was too dark to see what color the sand was. Reaching under, she pulled the jar out and looked at it. Her look prolonged into a stare.  
  
Sitting on her butt, Buffy held the jar up into the sunlight, rotating the jar, tilting her head as she studied it. And then she placed the jar on the floor and rubbed her chin with one hand, her eyes glancing from the sand to the rose petal in her hand.  
  
*****  
  
Running outside in her robe, not even dressed yet, Buffy stood in front of the bench where she had been with Giles the night before. The grass, still damp, was undisturbed. She looked behind her and could make out her footsteps where she had just walked. Looking back at the bench, her shoulders sagged as she slowly exhaled. And then she noticed something on the back of the bench.  
  
There, dug into the wood itself, high up on the edge of the top panel, were scratch marks. Buffy kept her hand down by her side but slowly rotated her wrist and stared at her fingernails.  
  
*****  
  
Willow sat at the kitchen table stirring her cereal with a spoon and didn't even look up when Buffy walked in through the back door.  
  
"Hey," smiled Buffy, stumbling over to the refrigerator. She wasn't sure but she thought Willow had grunted a reply. Buffy got the orange juice out and shut the refrigerator door closed with her hip. "Want some?"  
  
Willow nodded but didn't look at her. Frowning, Buffy put the juice on the counter and got two glasses down from the cabinet, filling each. She left the juice container on the counter and sat down with a yawn, pushing a glass in Willow's direction.  
  
"I'm tired," sighed Buffy. "T. I. D. E. Tired."  
  
Willow didn't even smile.  
  
"Doesn't look like you got much sleep. Something wrong?" asked Buffy.  
  
Willow shrugged and continued to play with her cereal as she stared into the bowl.  
  
"Got a lot on my mind," answered Willow, her voice barely louder than a whisper.  
  
"That lot being Tara," nodded Buffy.  
  
"Yeah," sighed Willow, briefly glaring at Buffy.  
  
"Sorry. Of course you're thinking about Tara. Um...you wanna talk about it?" asked Buffy hesitantly, covering her mouth to stifle a yawn. Willow frowned but put her spoon down.  
  
"It's just, well, maybe I had my chance...maybe you only get one chance. And I blew it. So...maybe I have to consider about thinking about that possibility. Maybe," pouted Willow.  
  
"I don't believe that. And either do you. You, you made a mistake, that's all. She just needs some time. You just have to hang in there, Will. You've been doing so good with the magic..."  
  
"I think she might've found someone new," interrupted Willow, briefly closing her eyes.  
  
"What? No, she wouldn't. What makes you think..."  
  
"I think she wants to tell me but she doesn't want to hurt me. And as much as I love her and need her...what I want most is for her to be happy," winced Willow.  
  
Buffy tried to say something but was thrown by the sadness in Willow's eyes.  
  
"No way. I know Tara still loves you. You're just letting your imagination run wild," comforted Buffy. But Willow didn't respond. At all.  
  
"You can't look into her eyes and not know how she feels," said Buffy.  
  
"You have no idea how true that is," whispered Willow.  
  
"Willow, you'll just have to trust me. Okay?" smiled Buffy.  
  
Willow looked up, looked directly into Buffy's eyes. A flash of anger, fleeting, but Buffy saw it. Confused, Buffy raised the juice glass to her lips just to have something to do.  
  
"Dawn thinks you might be in love," said Willow firmly.  
  
What little juice Buffy had swallowed exploded from her mouth in a coughing fit.  
  
"Sorry," managed Buffy, her eyes watering. "Too much pulp."  
  
Willow frowned.  
  
"Why, why would she think that?" managed Buffy.  
  
"Yesterday, with the smiling and the flowers and the calling in sick and the smiling...well, are you? In love?" asked Willow as if she really didn't want to know.  
  
"No," laughed Buffy. But it was an empty laugh.  
  
"Oh," responded Willow. She cast her gaze down as if considering what Buffy had just said, glancing up once or twice with a doubtful look. Buffy began tapping her fingers on the table and took in a deep breath.  
  
"Willow, can I ask you something?"  
  
"Sure," shrugged Willow, taking a sip of her juice.  
  
"If I were to get involved with someone...how do I put this?" sighed Buffy.  
  
Willow watched her over the top of her glass, suddenly a little more interested than just a moment ago.  
  
"I'm just going to say it and I hope you don't think I'm a bad person or anything...even if I am. But, is it wrong to stay with someone just because the sex is great, even if you don't love that person?" winced Buffy.  
  
Willow spit out her juice in a coughing fit.  
  
"You're right," gasped Willow. "Too much pulp."  
  
Buffy scrunched her eyebrows together.  
  
"Okay, um, where were we? Oh, right. Great sex. Trying to remember what that's...um, no. No, I guess not. Not if you're honest with that person and don't get her...I mean, his...hopes up," said Willow.  
  
"Honesty. Right," nodded Buffy sadly.  
  
"Is there? A new person?" asked Willow meekly.  
  
"I don't have time for a relationship right now," answered Buffy quickly. "I'm just saying..."  
  
Buffy finished her thought with a shrug. Willow stood up and carried her glass and cereal bowl over to the sink. Her hands were trembling and she was glad that her back was to Buffy.   
  
"Hey, you okay? Why don't you sit down? We didn't really talk about Tara," said Buffy.  
  
"Didn't we?" snapped Willow.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"I'm going to get dressed now," said Willow, keeping her back to Buffy as she walked away.  
  
"Um...okay," replied Buffy, watching her as she left.  
  
Willow caught her reflection in a framed photograph on the wall as she got to the stairs. It only confirmed what she already knew. Her eyes were black.   
  
*****  
  
Buffy sprayed the remaining soap out of the sink, watching it dissolve long after the last bubbles had washed down the drain. She had finished the breakfast dishes but still wasn't dressed. Willow had left for her class without even saying goodbye and Buffy tried to ignore the pangs of her guilt as she wondered if she had said something wrong or simply hadn't seemed concerned enough for Willow to really open up to her. With a sigh that pushed her bangs up, Buffy collapsed onto the sofa and groaned when she realized the remote was out of reach.  
  
"Nothing on anyway, I don't care how many channels we have!" complained Buffy as she closed her eyes. The sofa seemed to press into her and she wriggled to get more comfortable.   
  
Her eyes opened as she felt his weight on the cushion by her legs.  
  
"Good morning," smiled Giles.  
  
Tired as she was, Buffy couldn't help but smile. She moved to sit up but Giles put his hand on her shoulder.  
  
"No, don't get up. I want to explain some things to you."  
  
"You mean we have to talk?" grinned Buffy, lifting one leg and sliding it around his waist so that he was now sitting between her legs.  
  
"I'm worried about you. I don't think you should patrol tonight," said Giles sternly.  
  
"But I like Slaying. Gets my motor all revved up," winked Buffy, rubbing her knee against his back.  
  
"Haven't you wondered why you're so tired?" asked Giles, barely able to ignore her bare leg.  
  
"No. But I'm thinking you're going to tell me," scowled Buffy.  
  
"When I'm with you, Buffy, you're not getting any sleep. Well, at least not enough to meet your needs. So if you have to fight, your reaction time, your strength, both will be diminished," sighed Giles. "So you see, it's just not safe for you to...um, Buffy...what are you doing?"  
  
Buffy ignored him and continued to rub her other leg across his thighs. Giles put his hand on her knee but didn't try to stop what she was doing. Buffy smiled.  
  
"Know what I think?" teased Buffy.  
  
"Um...no," admitted Giles, distracted. "But I can guess."  
  
"I think I'm tiring you out. What's the matter, Giles? Can't keep...up...with a younger lover?" grinned Buffy as she sat up. And now Giles smiled. He slid his hand further up along her inner thigh, his fingertips barely brushing against her skin. Buffy inhaled sharply through her nose.  
  
"Something you should know about an older lover, my dear. I can teach you a few things you might not have thought of before," said Giles as he reached into his pocket.   
  
Buffy inched herself forward, pressing up against him, watching his hand out of the corner of her eye. Giles slowly pulled out a red silk scarf, holding it between the thumb and forefinger of each hand.  
  
"You sure you wouldn't rather sleep?" hinted Giles seductively, not looking at her. He let go of one end of the scarf and it fell like a whisper across her leg. Goosebumps rose on her skin as he pulled it slowly, gently towards her hip.  
  
Buffy swallowed, her eyes fixed on his now. She leaned forward for a kiss but Giles only nipped at her lower lip once before pulling back. Without needing encouragement, Buffy eased back onto her elbows and watched as he once again held the ends of the scarf in each hand.  
  
"Close your eyes," whispered Giles. Instead, Buffy's eyes opened wide.  
  
"No," she whispered in return, smiling.  
  
"All the better," said Giles.   
  
*****  
  
Buffy pushed open the crypt door, the emptiness inside only making the creaking seem louder than it was.  
  
"Spike?"  
  
He didn't answer her.  
  
"Hey. You still sleeping? Like I should be," yawned Buffy.  
  
Spike wasn't here and that could only mean that he was down below in the cellar. Buffy wrinkled her nose at the prospect of entering that dank room, especially on such a beautiful sunny day. With a shrug and yawning at the same time, Buffy made her way over to the trap door and opened it, swinging her legs down onto the first rung of the ladder.  
  
Buffy didn't need to be a vampire to recognize the smell of blood; it was simply too much a part of her life. Ignoring the ladder, she dropped to the floor. There were only a few candles lit but she could see well enough. The room was a shambles, with overturned furniture, broken glass and splintered wood littering the floor.  
  
"Spike?" whispered Buffy, suddenly concerned. She sensed more than heard movement on the other side of the bed. Cautiously she made her way around to the other side, glancing once more around the room before she did.  
  
It took a moment to recognize him. His face was bruised and swollen, with one eye closed over. The same eye that had only begun to heal from the punishment Buffy had inflicted upon him just the other night. Spike was naked, on his back and there were red lines like knife cuts across his chest and legs. But knife cuts would've healed differently on a vampire. These injuries weren't inflicted by a blade. Spike rolled his head to one side, as if trying to focus his one good eye on her.  
  
"Spike!" shouted Buffy, moving to kneel down beside him. But Spike recoiled, vainly trying to push away from her.  
  
As if he was afraid. Of her.  
  
"Spike, what happened?" yelled Buffy, slowly easing herself down by his side. She reached out a hand but he pulled away further.  
  
"Here to finish me off?" spat Spike, his words slurred by a puffy lip.  
  
"What? What are you...Spike, who did this?"  
  
Spike tilted his head slightly, studying her.  
  
"Is this some kind of sick joke? You know damn well what happened," snapped Spike, though he didn't seem as sure of himself as a moment ago.  
  
Buffy just stared at him.  
  
"I know you like it rough, but I need to know why. Is this another attempt to break up with me?" growled Spike, once again finding his anger.  
  
"You...you think I did this?" gasped Buffy. "Why?"  
  
Spike tried to reply, then hesitated. He saw the doubt on her face.  
  
"You don't remember," said Spike, more as a statement than a question.  
  
"Remember what? What the hell are you talking about?" said Buffy, once again reaching for him. Spike grabbed her wrist.  
  
"It was you. If you don't remember, than I suggest you have one of your witch friends check for a ghost, 'cause you were possessed. I know the feel of your flesh against mine, both in pain and pleasure," added Spike, thrusting her arm aside.  
  
"No," whispered Buffy, shaking her head.  
  
"And you got off on it," said Spike, wincing as he tried to sit up.  
  
"Spike, I swear to you, it wasn't me! I, I can account for where I was, every minute since I saw you last," said Buffy, suddenly wondering if she could.  
  
Spike raised himself up on his elbows, wanting to believe her.  
  
"I, I wouldn't do this to..."  
  
Buffy cringed, remembering the other night.  
  
"Ah, I can almost see the light bulb going on above your head, highlighting your roots, I might add. You went upside my head pretty fine outside the cop shop," spat Spike.  
  
"That wasn't about you! I...I was disgusted with myself and took it out on you."  
  
Spike rolled his eyes.  
  
"And my roots aren't showing. Let me help you up into bed," pleaded Buffy. Spike glared at her but her pained expression softened his resolve. He nodded and Buffy eased an arm around his shoulder.  
  
"Easy. I think my collar bone is broken," winced Spike. Gently cradling him in her arms, Buffy lifted him and centered him over the bed before setting him down softly. Spike didn't cry out but she could feel how tense his grip on her was and knew he was in pain.  
  
"You need blood. It'll help you heal. Got any around here?" she asked, pulling the sheet up over him and grimacing as she got a closer look at his wounds.  
  
"No. All out. And the butcher shop is probably closed by now," sighed Spike. Buffy sat down on the edge of the bed.  
  
Buffy glanced down at his chest again, flinching.  
  
"Holy water," sighed Spike, though she didn't need his explanation. She understood all too well what holy water could do to a vampire, knew what the scars looked like as they slowly healed.  
  
"How? Spike...what happened?" begged Buffy.  
  
Once again Spike hesitated with his answer.  
  
"For what it's worth, and this is the short version, mind you. You came down here, interrupting my beauty sleep wearing nothing but a leather coat and a smile. Things got a little rough rather quick like but, and pardon me for saying this, I thought you kinda liked it that way even though you won't fess up to it. This is the result of your party," said Spike, holding out his arms.  
  
"I swear to you, it wasn't me. And no, I can't explain what happened! But I wouldn't do this to you," implored Buffy. Spike raised his eyebrows. And Buffy clenched her teeth in anger. She looked away for a moment and when she looked back at him her anger was gone, replaced by grim determination. Buffy began to roll up one sleeve.  
  
"What are you doing?" asked Spike.  
  
"Proving to you it wasn't me. You need blood. I'm offering," said Buffy, extending her forearm to him.  
  
"Bloody hell! What, your neck's not good enough for me?" laughed Spike.  
  
Buffy closed her eyes but even so Spike thought she might cry.  
  
"It's easier to hide it this way," whispered Buffy, upset that he made her say the words out loud.  
  
"So it comes back to hiding us from your friends again," sighed Spike. He began to cough and grabbed his side in pain.  
  
"Spike...please, just, just do it," said Buffy, once again extending her arm.   
  
Spike slowly reached forward and held her wrist weakly. She could pull away if she wanted to. Spike was too weak to stop her. As he brought her hand closer to his mouth, Buffy closed her eyes, tensing. But he only gently kissed the back of her hand.  
  
"No," said Spike.  
  
Buffy opened her eyes, helplessly staring at him. She mouthed the word 'why' in silent wonder.  
  
"You still don't get it," said Spike shaking his head and looking away. "I would never hurt you. Not now. Not ever."  
  
Buffy slid off the bed and took two steps away before stopping, keeping her back to him.  
  
"I'll go to Willy's. I can get some blood there and there'll be fewer questions that way."  
  
"Wouldn't mind a little O positive if ya don't mind the extra expense," teased Spike.  
  
Buffy's shoulders drooped but she didn't turn around.  
  
"Buffy," said Spike, calling her name as a lover would. She turned to face him.  
  
"Thank you. For the offer. I know what it took for you to say those words," nodded Spike sincerely.  
  
"We'll figure out what happened. I promise you," said Buffy, ignoring Spike's comment. "I won't be long."  
  
She turned and walked away.  
  
*****  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Tara, it's Dawn."  
  
"Hey, Dawnie. What's..."  
  
"Is Buffy with you? Or, or do you know where she is?" asked Dawn hurriedly.  
  
"No. No, I don't. Why, what's wrong?"  
  
"She was supposed to meet me after school today but she didn't. Again. Not that she has to, but she's the one who insisted on it, made such a big deal. And the glass jar is gone. It's not under her bed," sighed Dawn.  
  
"Gone? You mean, it's empty?" asked Tara.  
  
"No. It's not there!"  
  
"It's okay, Dawn. Maybe, maybe she just moved it. That's all. I'll ask her about it later."  
  
"Maybe I should call the Magic Box. Maybe she's there," said Dawn.  
  
"That's a good idea. I'm sure there's nothing to worry about. There'd be other signs," said Tara, immediately regretting it.  
  
"Signs? What signs?" demanded Dawn.  
  
"Just, oh, I don't know. Strange things happening."  
  
"Like what?" insisted Dawn.  
  
"Well, um...okay, have you noticed any rats around the house? Or snakes, or, um, black cats?" suggested Tara.  
  
"No. Why?"  
  
"Sometimes these creatures are drawn to this demon's presence, like a familiar to a witch. But that's a bad example," cringed Tara. "Witches don't have, for example, vultures with them. It's just not cool."  
  
"Well, there's Russell," replied Dawn.  
  
"Russell? Who's Russell?" asked Tara.  
  
"Why do I have to keep explaining this joke? Russell is a crow. He's been hanging around the house a lot lately. Even let's me feed him," explained Dawn.  
  
"Oh," answered Tara, letting the word hang there. The phone was silent in Dawn's hand.  
  
"Tara?"  
  
"Dawn, meet me at the Magic Box. But leave a note for Buffy, telling her where you are. I need to pick up a couple of things."  
  
"Tara, what's going on?"  
  
"I'm going to do a simple protection spell, that's all. Whether Buffy agrees or not. Meet you there in about fifteen minutes?" asked Tara.  
  
"Sure. Bye."  
  
"Bye," answered Tara, hanging up the phone.  
  
"Sure wish Willow could help me," sighed Tara to herself. "This is far from simple. Unless..."  
  
Tara pulled a book out from under her bed and flipped through a few pages. Finding the passage she wanted, she allowed herself a smile.  
  
*****  
  
Tara knocked on the door and was surprised when Buffy answered it.  
  
"Oh, hi! I didn't, I mean, I thought Dawn..."  
  
"Come on in, Tara. We've got problems," said Buffy.  
  
Tara followed Buffy in and closed the door behind her. Dawn was sitting at the kitchen table. Buffy sat down across from her and Tara silently took a chair on the far side of the table, looking at Dawn for a clue as to what was going on. Dawn kept her eyes on her sister.  
  
"She came home right after you called," shrugged Dawn. Tara nodded.  
  
"I went to see Spike today," began Buffy.   
  
Tara glanced at Dawn but it was obvious she didn't know about them yet.   
  
"He was...he had been beaten, very badly. He told me that I had done it to him, the day before. Not sure if he believed me, but I swear to you I didn't touch him. I haven't seen him in like two days!" said Buffy, shaking her head.  
  
Buffy didn't notice but Dawn saw the look on Tara's face. Tara was clearly puzzled by what Buffy had said.  
  
"I got him some blood, made him comfortable. And I promised him that we would figure out what happened. We...I...owe him that much," sighed Buffy.  
  
"Could something have possessed you without you being aware of it or remembering it?" asked Dawn.  
  
"I don't see how," shrugged Buffy. "I was shopping in the afternoon and getting my nails done. Even if I didn't remember I didn't have the time to do that to him."  
  
"Buffy...what happened to the glass jar? The one I told you to put under your bed?" asked Tara.  
  
Buffy stared at Dawn for a moment, then realized that Dawn had known about that jar.  
  
"I, um...I threw it out. I didn't want Willow to find it. I mean, I'm not here all the time and she could easily have found it," smiled Buffy.  
  
"Did the sand change color?" asked Tara cautiously.  
  
"Um...no. No, I don't think so," said Buffy, shaking her head.  
  
Tara kept her eyes on Buffy. Buffy looked away.  
  
"Buffy, I'm going to do a protection spell for you," said Tara.   
  
Buffy immediately glanced at Dawn.  
  
"It's okay. She knows. I told her about the incubus. Buffy, if you don't tell me what color that sand turned, I could get hurt. Seriously hurt," added Tara.  
  
"But, there's no reason to do the spell!" winced Buffy. "I'm not having the dreams any more. And Willow, well, she, she shouldn't be around magic."  
  
Tara sat back in her chair and studied Buffy, yet seemed to be not quite looking at her.  
  
"The spell won't affect Willow at all. She can even be in the room if she wants to. And if you're not having the dreams, what harm could it do?" said Tara, slowly and evenly.  
  
"You...you're looking at my aura, aren't you?" asked Buffy softly.  
  
Tara smiled ever so slightly and nodded once.  
  
"Red," sighed Buffy, slumping in her chair. "The sand was red."  
  
"So why didn't you tell her?" asked Dawn.  
  
"Because...I don't know," shrugged Buffy. "I..."  
  
Buffy simply shrugged again.  
  
"Dawn, could you do me a favor? I talked to Anya and there's a powder I need at the Magic Box. She's coming over after she combines the elements but not until closing time and that's a few hours from now. Could you get it for me?" asked Tara.  
  
"Sure. But if you didn't want me around, all you had to do was ask. I get the message, I'm not old enough to be involved!" sighed Dawn as she stood up.  
  
Tara laughed, causing Dawn to stand still.  
  
"Actually, I was hoping you'd help me," smiled Tara.   
  
"Really? With a spell?" said Dawn excitedly.  
  
"Yep. As long as Buffy doesn't mind," said Tara. Dawn looked up hopefully at her sister.  
  
"What the hell, stop by the package store and get a six pack on your way home! We'll make a party of it," said Buffy, throwing her hands up in the air.  
  
"Cool!" grinned Dawn, getting a wide-eyed glare from Buffy. "About the helping part, not the drinking part. Be right back."  
  
Dawn ran from the room and Buffy met Tara's eyes.  
  
"You know I wouldn't put her at risk, even if there was the slightest chance..."  
  
"I know," interrupted Buffy. "You could tell I was lying?"  
  
"I could tell you were nervous," replied Tara.  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Buffy, we need to talk."  
  
"Yes, we do," came a voice from behind Tara.  
  
"Willow!" said Buffy and Tara at the same time.  
  
"I, I didn't know you were here," said Buffy.  
  
"I didn't know you would be here," added Tara.  
  
"Yeah, been getting that a lot lately," sighed Willow as she plopped down into a chair next to Tara. "Just walked in as Dawn ran past me. So, someone want to start confessing or do you, oh, I don't know, wanna play spin the bottle?"  
  
"Willow, that's...that's a little harsh, isn't it?" asked Tara, cringing as she glanced at Buffy. "And, um...spin the bottle?"  
  
"No, Tara, she's right. I do have a confession to make," said Buffy softly, staring at her folded hands on the table  
  
"Really?" asked Willow in surprise.  
  
"Yeah," nodded Buffy. Buffy looked up at Tara and in return Tara looked over at Willow.  
  
"Um, well, you know, if you don't want to...I mean, maybe now isn't the best time. Maybe, maybe you need to think about it some more," suggested Willow, suddenly unsure of herself. "Maybe..."  
  
"No. I need to say this. Out loud. I've only hinted to Tara about my feelings. Even she doesn't know everything. I, I don't want to hide this anymore!" sighed Buffy.  
  
"Okay," swallowed Willow.  
  
"First, Willow, when you...what I mean is," said Buffy, glancing at Tara who gave her an encouraging nod. "I, I came back different."  
  
"You know, I'm kinda picking up on that," replied Willow, shaking her head.  
  
"No. See, Spike can hurt me. The chip doesn't work. But only with me," added Buffy quickly.  
  
"What?" asked Willow, blinking.  
  
"Buffy asked me to research the resurrection spell. There's nothing wrong with her. She's the same old Buffy. But the chip, for some reason, doesn't quite recognize her," frowned Tara.  
  
"Oh," nodded Willow blankly.  
  
"But it's more complicated than that," said Buffy.  
  
"Buffy, you don't have to...what I mean is, you didn't come back wrong. It's okay to have these feelings," explained Tara.  
  
"Having them is one thing. Acting upon them is, is..."  
  
"Acting upon them?" repeated Willow, eyebrows raised. She tried not to look at Tara.  
  
"Is a mistake?" offered Tara.  
  
"No. I know you'll think it is. Especially you, Willow. But it just feels so right. It does!" winced Buffy.  
  
"Buffy, it's okay to have these feelings. I get that. Totally. I mean, I was confused at first too, you know? It's nothing to be ashamed of. Unless...," said Willow, trailing off.  
  
"Unless?" asked Tara.  
  
"It, um, depends on who you want to act these feelings out with. Having the feelings, hey, it doesn't make you a bad person. But there are other people to consider and, and...well, you know," whispered Willow, keeping her eyes on Tara the whole time.  
  
"Willow, there's someone new in Buffy's life. After all she's been through, you should be happy for her," said Tara, trying to smile.  
  
"Happy? Happy!?" shouted Willow, sitting up straight in her chair.  
  
"Willow, let me explain," began Buffy.  
  
"Explain? No. Just...say the name out loud! Let's get this out in the open so that we can, we can...I don't know, have a good laugh about it!" yelled Willow, pulling at her hair with her hands. "I know something is going on here. And you couldn't tell me?"  
  
"Will, it's not that easy," frowned Buffy.  
  
"But I'm your best friend! At least I thought I was. And this has nothing to do with magic so don't pretend it does!" cried Willow.  
  
Buffy sighed and looked at Tara.  
  
"Buffy, tell her," said Tara. Buffy nodded.  
  
"Okay. Just don't judge me until I've had a chance to explain," said Buffy. She looked at Willow but Willow closed her eyes.   
  
"Go on," smiled Tara. "She'll understand."  
  
Willow winced and wouldn't open her eyes.  
  
"The name. Um, well...it might surprise you. No, actually it might shock you, but Willow?"  
  
Willow opened her eyes. And Buffy lost her courage to make her confession.  
  
"Just say it," whispered Willow.  
  
Buffy grimaced as if in pain.  
  
"It's Spike," said Tara.  
  
"It's Tara," said Willow.  
  
"It's Giles," said Buffy.  
  
Willow looked at Tara, Tara looked at Buffy and Buffy looked at Willow.  
  
Willow looked at Buffy, Tara looked at Willow and Buffy stared at Willow.  
  
"What?" shouted all three at the same time.  
  
"Me?" cried Tara.  
  
"Tara?" gasped Buffy, her face turning pale.  
  
Willow glanced at Tara and then timidly looked back at Buffy.  
  
"Giles?" asked Willow weakly.  
  
"Um, yeah, what's up with that? He's not even here," said Tara.  
  
"Whoa, back up a few steps here! You think...Tara? Me and...you think I'd steal your girlfriend?" asked Buffy wide-eyed.  
  
"Hey, ya said ya came back different!" pouted Willow.  
  
Buffy just stared blankly at Willow, her mouth slightly open.  
  
"Okay, maybe I jumped to conclusions but there conclusions were and, and reached with very little jumping, I might add," said Willow indignantly. "You, you had feelings and, and, and wanted her to forgive you for...oh, and let's not forget the going behind the back and the being in bed and Tara, she said, she said it's okay to have these feelings. Sure, a big no to being a bad person, what with the feelings. You think I wouldn't understand that?"  
  
"You were spying on me? Listening on the phone?" accused Buffy.  
  
"Willow, take a breath," said Tara, reaching out her hand even as Willow pulled away.  
  
"And don't even get me started with the hats! Does Tara like new hats?" asked Willow, mimicking Buffy's voice.  
  
Buffy and Tara exchanged worried looks.  
  
"Lips! What about lips and being tempted and, and you!" shouted Willow, pointing at Tara. "Keeping secrets safe with Dawn. Even Dawn knew and I didn't know?"  
  
"There's nothing to know. I wouldn't, you know! Not with Tara!" sighed Buffy.  
  
Tara tried not to look hurt.  
  
"Oh, not that I think you're not cute," whined Buffy.  
  
"Ha! See? I knew it, what with the flowers and the nail polish and the prattling away in the kitchen and the having the feelings and having the girlfriend..."  
  
"I don't prattle!" protested Buffy. "I'm prattleless!"  
  
Willow looked away to catch her breath.  
  
"Spike? You're sleeping with Spike?" whispered Willow, cringing. Buffy slumped lower in her chair.  
  
"Yes. And we're not changing the subject or, well, okay we are but we're getting back to it. Willow, even if I did like girls...in that way...I wouldn't, you know, with Tara. Because you're my best friend. I couldn't do that to you. Or to her," smiled Buffy.  
  
Willow slowly inhaled as her face turned red.  
  
"Not that she doesn't have a killer ass," said Buffy.  
  
Willow's eyes popped open wide but Tara started to laugh. And once she started Buffy couldn't stop herself and gave in to her own laughter, holding her sides. Willow smiled but her face was still red. When they stopped giggling, Willow looked up at Tara. And Tara winked at her.  
  
"I'm never going to live this down, am I?" whimpered Willow.  
  
"Not if I have anything to say about it!" laughed Tara.  
  
"What she said," grinned Buffy.  
  
"Giles?" asked Willow. Buffy's grin disappeared.  
  
"Um, yes Buffy, you have to 'splain that one," nodded Tara.  
  
"My dreams. That's who I've been having these dreams about. And, um...I kinda like them. Really like them," added Buffy.  
  
"Oh," said Tara.  
  
"Buffy, Tara needs to do that spell," said Willow.  
  
"Will, it can't be what you think. It can't be! It's too real. And Giles, he would never hurt me," reminded Buffy.  
  
"No, Giles wouldn't," said Willow simply.  
  
"And he hasn't!" complained Buffy.   
  
"Would he hurt Spike?" asked Tara.  
  
Buffy was about to object but reluctantly nodded in agreement.  
  
"One last thing," demanded Buffy loudly.  
  
"What?" asked Willow, curious.  
  
"Hats!? You wanna explain hats?"  
  
END OF PART 6 


	7. Part 7

Title: Need  
  
PART SEVEN  
  
Willow opened the door and Xander froze in mid-smile.  
  
"Hey, Willow. Nice, um...fedora," commented Xander, trying not to stare at the hat on Willow's head.  
  
"Thanks," grinned Willow in an effort to hide her embarrassment.  
  
"I like it," nodded Anya from behind Xander.  
  
Willow's grin slipped into a polite smile.  
  
"In a butch kinda way," added Anya.  
  
Willow thought about that and then her grin appreciatively returned.  
  
"What's with the new look? You been watching those Marlena Dietrich movies again?" asked Xander.  
  
"Let's just say I lost a bet and leave it at that. Come on in. Tara's anxious to get started," said Willow.  
  
"Yeah, you wanna run this by me one more time? Tara thinks Buffy is being haunted by an incubus?" asked Xander as he followed Willow up the stairs to Buffy's bedroom.  
  
"She's not sure, but better with the safe than the sorry. A simple protection spell should do the trick. I guess these spirits or demons are easily discouraged and leave without much more than the threat of a swift kick to their supernatural ass," explained Willow.  
  
"That's true. It's usually harder on the victim to let go than for the demon," said Anya.  
  
Both Willow and Xander glanced back at her.  
  
"Oh, back in my demon days I had a few run ins with these horny opportunists. I'd grant some poor girl's vengeance wish and as soon as her anger faded she'd get a little depressed and swosh! In comes an incubus to swoop in and jump her bones," sighed Anya. "Really took the edge off the rush I'd get after cursing her scum sucking boyfriend."  
  
Xander's eyes went wide as he stared at Anya.  
  
"You, you think Buffy's...depressed?" asked Willow.  
  
"Could be," shrugged Anya. "These demons pick up on that, play off their victims emotions. They're only looking for a good time...not much different than your typical male in a bar trying to pick up a girl."  
  
"Do I have to defend my gender again?" groaned Xander, catching Anya's sudden glare.  
  
They made their way into the bedroom and nodded their greetings. Buffy was sitting in the middle of an almost complete circle of red sand that Tara, kneeling beside her, was sprinkling around the somewhat apprehensive Slayer.  
  
"Tara, how long do I have to stay inside this...whatever it is you're doing? I mean, what if I have to go to the bathroom or something?" complained Buffy. Tara smiled but ignored her until the circle was complete.  
  
"Won't be long at all. Anya, do you have what I need?" asked Tara. Anya handed her a brown paper bag and Tara peered approvingly inside.  
  
"Notice my lack of witty reply to her 'have what I need' line?" whispered Anya proudly to Xander, but loud enough for everyone to hear.  
  
"Sooo, Buffy. What exactly does this dream date look like?" smiled Xander.  
  
"Um, well, you know it's funny you should ask that," stalled Buffy, glancing at Tara for help.  
  
"Oh, right! Xander, most of the time these demons don't take a form that can easily be remembered. It's more of a feeling, or, or an impression. The victim only knows that she needs to be with this thing," shrugged Tara, glancing back at Buffy. Buffy nodded in appreciation.  
  
"Huh? That's not how I remember their modus operandi," said Anya.  
  
"What do you mean?" asked Xander.  
  
"Modus...you know, how they work," began Anya.  
  
Anya was about to continue when she saw the worried look on Buffy's face. She glanced at Tara and saw that she was wincing, anticipating what Anya might say.  
  
"Oh, um, I only meant that these guys usually make their victims forget. The don't want to be found out," said Anya.  
  
Buffy closed her eyes for a moment but Tara dared to smile appreciatively for Anya before looking away. Anya nodded when Xander wasn't looking at her.  
  
"Yeah, I'm kinda fuzzy on the details," sighed Buffy, not looking directly at Xander.  
  
"Did you kiss him?" asked Dawn, folding her arms across her chest.  
  
"Well...yes," admitted Buffy, hesitantly.  
  
"So it's a good thing we found out early, before something a little more serious went down," smiled Dawn in relief.  
  
"There was no...yes, you're right. Tara, can we get started? Please?" hurried Buffy.  
  
"Sure. Xander, you sit here to the west. Dawn, you sit here to the east," ordered Tara.  
  
"And you need me why again?" inquired Xander as he sat down.  
  
"It's an incubus, Xander. So a male needs to be involved as well as a female," explained Willow from the doorway. "With a succubus you'd need two females."  
  
"But why Dawn?" asked Buffy. "Why not Anya or Willow?"  
  
"Hey, I want to help too!" complained Dawn.  
  
"Buffy, she's in no danger. She and Xander are simply a part of the circle. I'm the focus. If I piss this thing off it's me he'll be angry at, not them," said Tara, removing something from the paper bag and placing it behind her. Buffy nodded but didn't seem happy as she kept her eyes on Dawn.  
  
"Not very reassuring," whimpered Xander.   
  
"That's my knight in shining armor," sighed Anya sarcastically.  
  
"I'm only saying," snapped Xander. "I have a track record two shades of ugly with magic."  
  
"Hey guys, I think I'll wait this one out in the kitchen," said Willow.  
  
"Willow, you can stay. It's only a simple protection spell. It can't affect you," pouted Tara.  
  
"No, but if you're hungry and on a diet it's no fun to watch someone cook, you know?" shrugged Willow. "Call me when you've worked your mojo."  
  
"But..."  
  
Willow left before Tara could say anything else.  
  
"Why did you want her here?" asked Buffy. "Isn't it safer for her not to be, well, tempted?"  
  
"I'll explain later," answered Tara.  
  
"So, what do we do?" asked Dawn nervously, causing Tara to smile.  
  
"Open your hands," said Tara. She poured a turquoise colored sand from the bag first into Dawn's hands and then Xander's cupped palms. Anya sat down behind them looking bored.  
  
"Dawn, you first. Pour the sand in a half circle around Buffy, inside the red sand. Xander, when she's done you complete the circle," said Tara.  
  
"And don't spill it, Xander," warned Anya.  
  
Xander rolled his eyes at her.  
  
"You know how clumsy you can be!" defended Anya. "I've seen better hands on a snake."   
  
Buffy tried not to laugh as they formed the inner circle. Tara lit three white candles around them and Dawn, Xander and Buffy wrinkled their noses at the smell.  
  
"Still pushing the slug scent?" asked Xander, rolling his eyes at Xander.  
  
"It's my contribution. And I didn't even charge for them," replied Anya.  
  
"Honey, you can't give those away," said Xander.  
  
"Shh! Dawn, take this feather and ignite it from that candle," pointed Tara as she reached back and then handed Dawn a black feather.  
  
"Raven?" asked Dawn. Tara nodded.  
  
"Need to explain that? Just be glad we're not dealing with toads here," teased Tara.   
  
"Ew," grimaced Dawn.  
  
"Hold it without dropping it until the feathers have burned away," instructed Tara. "Then throw the quill into the circle next to Buffy."  
  
Dawn nodded and did as she was told. Xander tensed, getting nervous.  
  
"When do you..."  
  
"Inviolatus," whispered Tara, interrupting him. She smiled and with a shrug stood up.  
  
"That's it?" asked Xander.  
  
"Yep. Show's over. We leave the circle here until sunrise. Buffy, you should sleep here tonight and with someone," said Tara.  
  
"Here? In this circle? I didn't even brush my teeth yet!"  
  
"No, silly. You can go anywhere within your home. I meant the bed," smiled Tara.  
  
"Where else would she sleep?" asked Dawn, curious.  
  
"Um, well, instead of, of the couch downstairs. You want me to stay? I brought my overnight bag just in case," offered Tara.  
  
"Maybe Willow should sleep with me. Wouldn't want her getting jealous, now would we," winked Buffy. Tara laughed.  
  
"Huh?" mumbled Xander, looking from Buffy to Tara. And Buffy laughed.  
  
"Thank you, Anya, for helping me. And Xander and Dawn for participating," added Tara. Xander nodded and Dawn beamed proudly. And then Dawn's expression changed.  
  
"You sure that's it? I just thought, I don't know, it would be more exciting or mysterious," sighed Dawn.  
  
"Dawn, I have a confession to make. One of the reasons I wanted to involve you was to show you that magic isn't always, well, exciting or mysterious," shrugged Tara.  
  
"No, but it sure looked easy," said Dawn happily.  
  
"Okay, maybe I shoulda thought this out a little more. That's not the lesson I wanted you to learn," frowned Tara, glancing at Buffy.  
  
"Oh no! Tara, I wanted to check on Spike, see how he was doing," said Buffy, ignoring Xander's sudden scowl.  
  
"I'll go. You can't leave until sunrise," said Tara.  
  
"But..."  
  
Buffy reluctantly nodded. And when Tara wasn't looking, she stole a longing glance at the photo of Giles on her dresser.   
  
*****  
  
"All done?" asked Willow. And Tara knew that she wasn't surprised at how quickly it went but was wondering if there were any complications.  
  
"Guess we'll find out in the morning," shrugged Tara, glancing at Buffy who had just entered the kitchen behind her.  
  
"And we get to be slumber buddies!" announced Buffy excitedly.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Tara wants you to sleep with...er, spend the night with me. Just as a precaution. She offered, but I didn't want that imagination of yours to start running wild again. Or walking even," added Buffy. Willow frowned but knew she was only being teased.  
  
"And you don't have to wear that hat anymore. I think I made my point," smiled Tara.  
  
"I don't know. I'm kinda likin' the hat now," said Willow with an air of importance. "In fact, I might even sleep in it."  
  
Tara' mouth opened in surprise. Willow turned and winked at Buffy so that Tara couldn't see.  
  
"I'm going to get ready for bed. Oh, and Buffy?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"You can snuggle but don't be trying to cop a feel. Wouldn't want to turn you to the dark side," said Willow with a straight face. Buffy smiled uncomfortably and her face turned a shade of pink.  
  
"Goodnight."  
  
"Goodnight."  
  
"Tara, there's a bag of blood in the refrigerator. Could you take it to him for me?" asked Buffy awkwardly.  
  
"A bag?"  
  
"Yeah. I, um, I got it from the hospital. So...why did you want Willow to stay? She shouldn't be around magic."  
  
"Oh, that," nodded Tara, wondering if Buffy had stolen the blood. "Buffy, sit down."  
  
Buffy was startled at her request and suddenly concerned. They both sat down but not before Tara made sure they were alone. And when she spoke it was in a tone not much more than a whisper.  
  
"Buffy, I think Willow's really struggling with something right now," sighed Tara. Buffy raised her eyebrows in mock surprise.  
  
"Um...Tara, stating the obvious here, but she misses you."  
  
"Oh, no! I mean, I get that. Totally. But I think Willow's trying to figure out where she fits in now. How she can help you. Without magic," said Tara, once again looking over her shoulder.  
  
"But she helps. Look at Xander, he doesn't dabble magic-wise and yet he still helps," protested Buffy.  
  
"But he can fight. Willow can't. And sure, she can still look up stuff on the computer, but right now she can't even open certain books to help with the research. I'm just saying that I think...I know...she's feeling a little lost," frowned Tara.  
  
"Yes, she is. And she'll get over this addiction thingy. Willow's tough and she doesn't give up. But she has an even bigger fear than not being able to help," said Buffy.  
  
Tara just looked at her, waiting for an explanation.  
  
"You haven't been with Willow, haven't known her, without magic. Tara...she's afraid that you might not like her, might not like who she really is. Without the magic."  
  
Tara looked away and Buffy watched her, realizing that Tara hadn't thought about this before.  
  
"But, but that's silly. That's..."  
  
"It's how she feels. What you feel...or don't...sometimes logic doesn't come into play. I know."  
  
Tara took a deep breath and slowly let it out, looking back towards the stairs behind her.  
  
*****  
  
Spike heard the crypt door creak open and was instantly alert. The room was dark with not a single candle lit. But that was to his advantage. He didn't move. He simply listened. And then, detecting a heartbeat, he smiled and lit a match, holding it to a candle until the wick ignited.  
  
"Bloody hell, about time you showed up! And I hope you brought a snack. Least you could do, seeing that I'm a might under the weather...as you damn well know. I was thinking that a massage might just be the ticket..."  
  
Spike held the candle up in front of him and stared at Tara. She smiled awkwardly and held up a paper bag.  
  
"Hi. I, um, brought you something. To eat," said Tara, motioning to the bag.  
  
"Oh, um, sorry Tara. I was expecting...someone else," explained Spike, shaking his finger as the match he held burned his finger.  
  
"Figured as much," smiled Tara. "How, how are you feeling?"  
  
"Been better," shrugged Spike.  
  
"Buffy couldn't make it. She, um, had to stay in tonight. But she explained what happened and wanted to make sure you were okay. Or at least comfortable," added Tara, lowering the bag as her arm grew tired.  
  
"Is she alright? Nothing happened, did it?" asked Spike.  
  
Tara tilted her head, studying him. His voice conveyed such concern that for the first time Tara wondered if Spike cared for Buffy in more than just a physical way, that he could actually love her. And when she didn't answer right away his eyes, amazingly, narrowed in fear as if he suddenly believed Buffy had somehow been hurt. Touched, Tara almost smiled.  
  
"No. Buffy's fine," nodded Tara.   
  
Spike's face relaxed, his relief plainly obvious. Tara took a few steps towards him, wincing as she got a closer look at his battered face. He was wearing a white T shirt and black pants. Tara wondered if Buffy had helped him get dressed and quickly tried to think of something else. Spike held his candle to another one and the room glowed brighter.  
  
"You should take this," reminded Tara, handing him the bag.  
  
"Right. Thanks."  
  
He opened the bag and peered inside, his eyes growing wider in surprise.  
  
"I think she got it from the hospital for you," explained Tara. Spike began to smile and then remembered that Tara was watching him.  
  
"Very considerate of her. Give her my thanks," nodded Spike approvingly.  
  
"I will. Spike, is that a holly tree growing around back?" asked Tara.  
  
"Yeah, I think so," agreed Spike. "Why?"  
  
"I need to ask a favor of you," said Tara, her voice confident that he wouldn't refuse.  
  
"What would that be?"  
  
"Could you break off a branch for me? I didn't bring a saw and, well, you being a...I mean, you're strong," shrugged Tara. "As in stronger than little old me."   
  
"Can it wait until tomorrow? Oh, I'm not being impolite or anything. After all, you did come all the way out here in the middle of the night to bring me this," said Spike, holding up the bag. "And it's not that I'm ungrateful. Just kinda tired, is all. And, uh, sore."  
  
"Spike, were you sleeping when you were attacked?" asked Tara, hands now on her hips.  
  
"No. No, I...wait a minute. I had been sleeping," said Spike absently, looking down in thought.  
  
"Thought so. This thing that attacked you. It might want to share Buffy's bed with her. It probably already has. That incentive enough to do me this small favor?" asked Tara.  
  
Spike's face became serious. Even though his face was still in human form, Tara quickly remembered that he was a vampire.  
  
*****  
  
"Willow?"  
  
Willow didn't answer.  
  
"Hey. I know you're awake. I can tell by your breathing."  
  
Willow opened one eye and looked at Buffy, getting a smile as a reward.  
  
"Didn't think I could fool you, what with that Slayer hearing and all," sighed Willow. "But I'm trying to stay awake to, well, you know, keep watch and stuff."  
  
Buffy wanted to tell her that they wouldn't have any visitors unless Willow fell asleep but she just couldn't force herself to say the words. She wanted to...but somehow she just couldn't. Raising herself up on one elbow, she looked down at her best friend lying on the pillow next to her.  
  
"You wanna talk? I feel kinda bad keeping secrets from you. No, not kinda. I do feel bad. I'm a bad best friend," pouted Buffy.  
  
"No, you're not," said Willow, shaking her head. "And there is something I was wondering about."  
  
"Okay," said Buffy, though her body tensed in anticipation of what Willow would say.  
  
"Buffy, you're more than my best friend. You're like a sister to me," smiled Willow. "That's how I think of you."  
  
"Me too," nodded Buffy, relaxing a little.  
  
"So don't take this the wrong way, but...I mean, sister, remember? And it's not like I'm checking you out or anything, but I couldn't help but notice before, when you were changing..."  
  
Buffy tensed again and stared at Willow without blinking.  
  
"You don't have any tan lines...up top," said Willow, motioning with cupped hands towards her own chest. "What's up with that?"  
  
Buffy blinked.  
  
"Oh. Um, well, when Dawn's at school..."  
  
Willow started to giggle and Buffy smiled. And then her smile turned into a laugh.  
  
"You're evil, you know that?"  
  
"Oh, come on. It was good to hear you laugh again," grinned Willow.  
  
Buffy fell back down onto her pillow again and looked up at the ceiling.  
  
"Yeah, it's been a while since I laughed," admitted Buffy. "Thanks."  
  
"And it's late and we're both tired, so now's not the time to get into your vampire issues. You do have this, this...fascination with them, don't you?" teased Willow.  
  
Buffy only smiled.  
  
"But I do want to ask you about something."  
  
"What?" asked Buffy, rolling her head sideways to look at Willow.  
  
"Giles. You said you've been dreaming him. And that you liked it. So..."  
  
Buffy waited, not answering.  
  
"If he was here, would you act on these feelings? Would you, well, you know," hinted Willow.  
  
"Tell him?" suggested Buffy.  
  
"That would be a place to start," nodded Willow with a smile.  
  
Buffy hesitated, watching Willow's face. But she could see that Willow was being sincere and not judgmental.  
  
"What...what would you think of me if I did...become involved. With Giles," whispered Buffy. And now Willow propped herself up on one elbow.  
  
"Who am I do judge your love life? Look at mine! I've dated a werewolf and hello, much preferring the female form now," smiled Willow. "You, more than anyone, deserve to be happy. You need to be. Whatever you do, I'll support you. You know that. It's what best friends are for."  
  
Buffy smiled and yet felt a little teary eyed at the same time.  
  
"Thanks, Will. I really needed to hear that," sighed Buffy.  
  
Willow smiled and lay back down on her pillow.  
  
"Still didn't answer my question," said Willow softly.  
  
Buffy didn't hesitate.  
  
"If...and that's a big hypothetical if, mind you...if Giles were here, I might risk bringing the subject up. Yeah, I think I would," said Buffy, again watching Willow for her reaction. Willow smiled her approval.  
  
"I had a crush on him, way back when," said Willow.  
  
"Pfft! You only liked him for his books, not his..."  
  
"His what?" laughed Willow.  
  
Never mind," glared Buffy. They both settled back down and stared at the ceiling.  
  
"Wow, you and Giles. Wonder what Xander would say," teased Willow.  
  
"So, you sure you don't wanna talk about Spike?" asked Buffy without making eye contact.  
  
"Hey, slow down! I said I'd support you. I didn't say how long it would take for me to warm up to the idea...or ideas plural," added Willow, rolling her eyes as she rolled over. "It's late. Let's get some sleep."  
  
"Goodnight," smiled Buffy, still looking up at the ceiling. They were quiet for almost a minute.  
  
"Willow?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Thanks for not wearing that hat to bed."  
  
"Does that mean I'm not going to be teased about..."  
  
"No way," interrupted Buffy adamantly.  
  
They were quiet again, this time for almost two minutes.  
  
"Buffy?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"You really think Tara has a nice ass?"  
  
When Buffy didn't answer, Willow turned around. And was hit in the face with a pillow.  
  
*****   
  
Buffy opened her eyes but didn't move. She lay motionless, not even breathing. The window across from her was still shut and the room was warm. The T shirt she had worn to bed clung damply to her back. It was quiet now but something had awoken her. And then her eyes opened wide as she heard that sound again, reverberating through the room like a loud growl. For a moment Buffy wondered if a thunderstorm was passing by.   
  
Buffy rolled her eyes and exhaled.   
  
In bed next to her, Willow was snoring. Disturbed by her own snorting, she fidgeted a little and then settled down. Buffy struggled not to giggle. She absently brushed back her hair from over her right eye, something that she realized was becoming a comfortable habit. Like Giles cleaning his glasses.  
  
"Don't laugh. I've heard worse from you."  
  
Buffy sat up, her heart racing. Standing in her doorway, Giles simply smiled and took a sip from a coffee cup. But it wasn't coffee that she smelled. And...it wasn't tea. Buffy relaxed, wondering why Giles was drinking hot chocolate.  
  
"In fact, you snore not unlike...a stevedore," grinned Giles.   
  
"A longshoreman is more politically correct," pouted Buffy. "And I don't snore!"  
  
Giles laughed...and Buffy smiled, warmed by the tone of his voice. He reached into a pocket and held up a canister. She wasn't sure what it was until he pressed a finger aside the top and filled his cup with whipped cream.  
  
"Since when did you give up tea?" smiled Buffy.  
  
"I haven't. I just don't want to be predictable," replied Giles.  
  
"I knew you'd come. I knew Tara was wrong about you," said Buffy, resting her chin on her raised knees and smiling like it was her birthday and she was a little girl again, waiting impatiently to open a present. "It's why I didn't try to stop them."  
  
"But you were worried?" smiled Giles.  
  
"Just a little," admitted Buffy. "But I knew."  
  
"I know you did," nodded Giles.  
  
"Okay, chocolate I can understand. Even hot. But I never figured you for a whipped cream kind of guy," said Buffy. "And where did you get that?"  
  
"Downstairs, in the refrigerator. Ah, but who ever mentioned anything about the whipped cream being only for this beverage?" teased Giles.   
  
Buffy raised one eyebrow. And then the other. Giles walked over and sat down on the bed next to her.  
  
"Close your eyes," whispered Giles. And Buffy, smiling in anticipation, immediately complied. She heard the distinctive sound of whipped cream being dispensed and felt a cold dab of it upon her nose.  
  
Buffy slowly opened her eyes, focusing more on Giles than on her nose. He leaned in a playfully licked the white foam from her nose as she scrunched her face up. And then Giles again did something unpredictable, something completely out of character. He shook the canister in his hand, glanced at Willow and then stared at Buffy. As if awaiting her permission.  
  
Buffy's eyes grew wide in understanding.  
  
"You can't be serious," whispered Buffy.  
  
Giles only smiled, mischievous, his eyes gleaming.   
  
Buffy slowly moved her eyes, first looking down at Willow and then, rather timidly, back at Giles.  
  
"There is that terribly English expression...hmm, what is it again? Oh yes. Pleasant dreams," grinned Giles.  
  
"No. You wouldn't. We can't!" said Buffy, aghast.  
  
"Why not?" asked Giles. Buffy tried to ignore the natural innocence of his brown eyes.  
  
"Because it's wrong," said Buffy slowly, repeating the expression as if reading from a cereal box. She glanced at Willow. And slowly smiled.   
  
And Giles laughed.  
  
*****  
  
"About time you dragged yourself out of bed," commented Willow without looking back as she peered into the open refrigerator.  
  
"Mmm," mumbled Buffy as she plopped down into a chair.  
  
"Didn't sleep good?" inquired Willow with a glance over her shoulder. She went back to staring at the contents of the refrigerator.  
  
"I thought I did," yawned Buffy. Willow shut the refrigerator door.  
  
"Oh! You didn't have any dreams, did you?" asked Willow, sitting down next to her.  
  
"No," answered Buffy quickly. Maybe a little too quickly.   
  
Willow tilted her head suspiciously.  
  
"Really," sighed Buffy, glancing at the clock. "Hey, is Dawn up yet?"  
  
"No. I let her sleep in."  
  
"What? Willow, she'll be late for school!"  
  
"Buffy, it's Saturday," said Willow, again tilting her head.  
  
"Oh. Yeah. I, um, knew that," winced Buffy.  
  
Willow continued to stare at her.  
  
"I did! I'm just not awake yet. What were you looking for in the fridge?"  
  
"Not sure. I have a sweet tooth this morning. It's weird, but I feel like having whipped cream. But I couldn't find it," shrugged Willow.   
  
Buffy's eye's opened very wide and her face went pale.  
  
"We must be out. I'll add it to the grocery list," said Buffy. "Um, I know. Why don't we go out for breakfast today?"  
  
"Sounds good to me," answered Dawn as she entered the kitchen. She pulled on her belt to tighten her robe. "So, did you sleep well?"  
  
"Yes, I did. Guess Tara's spell did the trick. Dawn, why don't you go get the paper. Maybe we'll catch a movie this afternoon," smiled Buffy, covering her mouth as she yawned again. She pretended not to notice that Willow was watching her.  
  
"Cool!" agreed Dawn. She walked to the front door and left it open as she walked outside.  
  
The first thing Dawn noticed was how quiet it was. More than quiet, like the calm before the wind shifted, announcing an impending storm. She stopped, aware that the while the air was still something seemed to be moving. And then Dawn slowly raised her eyes. She watched as a single feather, falling like a drifting leaf, fell by her feet. She didn't reach for it but instead just stared at it. And then she looked up.   
  
There in the tree in front of their house was not one crow, not twenty, but what could've been fifty or more. The only noise they made was a faint rustling as they turned, barely moving, to look at her. Their restlessness sounded like a breath, shallow but in unison.  
  
Dawn slowly backed away, not taking her eyes from the tree even as she bumped into the door behind her. Entering her home, she slowly closed the door and locked it, inhaling sharply. She hadn't realized she had been holding her breath. Looking up, she saw Buffy and Willow staring at her.  
  
"Dawn...what's wrong?" asked Buffy, quickly getting up.  
  
"See for yourself," whispered Dawn.   
  
Looking at Willow with concern, Buffy walked over to the window and searched the front yard. She paused, then looked at Dawn. Willow had followed Buffy over to the window and now looked at Dawn as well.  
  
"In the tree!" said Dawn.  
  
Buffy and Willow looked out again. They looked at one another and then both stared at Dawn.  
  
"Dawn, there's nothing there," shrugged Buffy.  
  
"What!?"  
  
Dawn turned and unlocked the door, flinging it open. And she just stood there.  
  
The tree was empty. There was only a single black feather on the walkway in front of her. Dawn slowly walked over towards it and knelt down, casting a wary glance skyward. She turned around and held it up, twirling it between her fingers. Glancing back, her face ashen, she looked first at Buffy and then at Willow.   
  
"They're gone," whispered Dawn, twisting her neck around to look back up into the empty tree.   
  
END OF PART SEVEN 


	8. Part 8

Title: Need  
  
PART EIGHT  
  
"Hey Tara," said Willow enthusiastically, cradling the phone under her chin.  
  
"Willow! Hey. So how's Buffy doing?"  
  
Willow's smile drained away. Didn't Tara wonder how she was doing?  
  
"Um, good, I guess. Nothing new. Seems like same old Buffy. Except she's a little bit cranky, but let's not jump to conclusions on that one yet."  
  
"No more bird incidents?" asked Tara.  
  
"Nope. Not since yesterday morning. Dawn's still a bit freaked. Buffy told me she slept good last night and our Slayer does seem to be rested energetic girl. Except for the crankiness," added Willow.  
  
"Well, that's to be expected, if it was an incubus. Guess my spell worked."  
  
"Of course it did. You weave some potent magic there, girl!" smiled Willow.  
  
"Did you talk with her yet? About Spike, I mean."  
  
Willow frowned, frustrated that Tara didn't pick up on her magic allusion.  
  
"Not yet," sighed Willow. "It's sort of an awkward subject, especially if Dawn's around. You sure Dawn doesn't know yet?"  
  
"I don't think so. But don't underestimate her. She picks up on things."  
  
"Least someone does," muttered Willow.  
  
"What's that?" asked Tara.  
  
"Nothing. I'll talk to Buffy. Soon. It's just...sometimes it's easier to avoid uncomfortable subjects, pretend they aren't there, all hovering over your head and awkward like. You know, stuff like ripping someone out of heaven, almost killing a sibling, jealousy over...well, do I have to go on?" whined Willow.  
  
"No," soothed Tara, trying not to laugh. "But I see a pattern developing here, don't you?"  
  
Willow drew in a deep breath and nodded.  
  
"Yeah. Guess I do. Gotta make with the talking. It's what best friends are for."  
  
Neither of them spoke for a moment.  
  
"Um, Anya asked me what form the incubus took. She knew we were hiding something. She kinda knows about these things," said Tara.  
  
"What did you tell her?" asked Willow anxiously.  
  
"I told her it looked like Xander," whispered Tara, cringing. The phone was silent.  
  
"What!?"  
  
"Well, I didn't know what else to say! I did tell her to keep it a secret. And you know, I think it had an unexpected benefit," hinted Tara.  
  
"What could possibly...oh!" said Willow, suddenly understanding.  
  
"Yep. Got her jealous. You haven't seen them much lately, have you?" laughed Tara.  
  
"They were bickering a lot," giggled Willow. "Pre-wedding jitters, I guess."  
  
"Is she really going to wear white?" snickered Tara.  
  
Willow laughed but then the phone was silent again. She could imagine Tara slowly exhaling, puffing out her cheeks, trying to think of something to talk about. Something other than them.  
  
"Willow?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
A moment's hesitation, then Tara spoke.  
  
"How are you doing?"  
  
And Willow smiled.   
  
*****  
  
With a sigh that slumped her shoulders, Buffy stared into her open drawer, looking for something to wear and preferably something she didn't have to iron. Then her eyes settled on the silk scarf. Her hand hesitated but still reached for it. Even before her fingers touched the soft fabric she smiled. She held it loosely between two fingers, slowly stroking the wispy cloth...and her eyes drifted up towards the photo of Giles.  
  
Buffy shut the drawer.  
  
"I don't know if you can hear me now...maybe it doesn't even matter. You don't have to hear my words. You, you understand. Giles, it's time," sighed Buffy, reaching out to touch the frame. "It's getting harder to get through the day without you. Please come home. If only to see the look on Xander's face when he finds out."  
  
Buffy laughed out loud, but then her smile faded.  
  
"A relationship...love...is more than sex. That's all I have with Spike. And that's not what I need."  
  
Buffy glanced over her shoulder even though she knew she was alone in the house. She turned back but closed her eyes, not wanting to look at the photo. And her voice was now barely a whisper.  
  
"Please."  
  
She opened her eyes and found her gaze drawn to the single black feather on her dresser. Dawn had placed it there and Buffy hadn't touched it since. Still not looking at his photo, she turned and left the room.  
  
*****  
  
"Buffy, I'm going now. Janice's mom is cooking Mexican again and I don't want to be late," said Dawn, already heading for the door.  
  
"Okay, but the sun already set. You wearing a cross?" asked Buffy.  
  
"Yes, mom!" groaned Dawn, rolling her eyes.  
  
"Good. And don't forget to look both ways before crossing the street," teased Buffy, though her tone was serious. Dawn only shook her head. But she hesitated as she opened the door and looked back at her sister.  
  
"Buffy? Why haven't you gone to see Spike, see how he's doing?"  
  
"Well, you know, been busy and stuff. Spike'll be fine," nodded Buffy.  
  
"I'm going to go see him tomorrow if you don't," replied Dawn.  
  
"Okay. Maybe...maybe I'll go with you," said Buffy. "Bye."  
  
"Bye."  
  
Buffy walked over to the refrigerator, wondering what should have for dinner. Eating alone. Again. Suddenly she wasn't so hungry. Then the doorbell rang.   
  
"Who could that be?" said Buffy out loud, puzzled.   
  
The doorbell rang a second time. Buffy walked a little faster towards the door.  
  
"I heard ya the first time," muttered Buffy. She opened the door...and froze. She didn't breathe, she didn't blink, she couldn't speak. It was him.  
  
"Giles?"  
  
Giles almost laughed.  
  
"Why are you surprised?" he asked. Everything within her cried out to hug him, yearned to feel his arms around her shoulders. But she didn't move.  
  
"I'm not asleep," she stated, her voice shallow, almost questioning.  
  
"No. No, you're not," agreed Giles, his voice comforting. He set down the lone suitcase he carried, took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes, a gesture so familiar, so natural...and yet so discomforting Buffy had to look away. Yet she didn't know why.  
  
Giles slid his glasses back in place in a motion so practiced it was like breathing to him. Buffy took a step back. And she cautiously stared at him. Instinct took over and she crouched just a bit lower with her weight back, ready to fight and just as ready to run.  
  
"Buffy...aren't you going to invite me in?" he laughed. And then his eyes were drawn down to her slowly clenching fist. His mouth fell open and his eyes searched hers, begging to understand her hesitation, her doubt. Giles slumped his shoulders and slowly shook his head.  
  
"Who, who are you? What are you!?" barked Buffy.  
  
"Buffy, it's me," winced Giles.  
  
"No, this...this is some kind of spell," replied Buffy, but her voice lacked conviction.  
  
"There is no magic strong enough to replicate this," sighed Giles. "Not what we have."  
  
Buffy sniffed back a tear, wondering, wanting to believe him. Yet she still didn't move.   
  
"Buffy?"  
  
She only stared at him, but she unclenched her fist.  
  
"Maybe I should go back to my place. I'm not sure what's wrong but...call me."  
  
Giles reached down and picked up his suitcase. Barely catching her eye, he turned to go.  
  
"Wait," whispered Buffy.   
  
Giles stopped but didn't turn around. Buffy left the door open and turned away, walking back to sit down on the couch. Giles followed her in but left his suitcase outside. He sat down on the other end of the couch. Buffy slowly raised her eyes and waited for him to talk.  
  
"I am Giles. That's who I am. I didn't lie about that."   
  
Buffy took in a deep breath, so wanting to believe him.  
  
"As for what I am..."  
  
Buffy tensed and inched further back along the couch. Giles flinched.  
  
"Have I hurt you? Have I done, even once, anything against your will?" asked Giles. Buffy chewed on her lower lip.  
  
"No," whispered Buffy.  
  
"Then why...never mind. I knew, I, I just knew," said Giles softly, shaking his head, his face suddenly so despondent, so dejected. "But I had to try."  
  
"I don't understand," said Buffy, suddenly wanting desperately to hold him.   
  
"It's a lot harder for me to, to be here, like this. Perhaps a little easier because the sun set, but..."  
  
Buffy simply waited for him to explain. He took a deep breath and glanced at her but looked away.  
  
"If you had a mirror right now you'd see that I'd have a reflection," smiled Giles.  
  
"Just be straight with me," said Buffy, the slightest edge to her voice.  
  
"Straight?" smirked Giles. "I prefer my love to have curves."  
  
Buffy didn't smile.  
  
"I'm here because I didn't want to lie to you, not because you wanted me here. You friend Tara is very clever. She almost guessed right. Her spell should have worked. Funny thing about magic...close isn't good enough," said Giles with a single nod, a hint of a smile on his lips. Buffy understood that it was a sign of approval, as an adversary would acknowledge an opponent's skills.  
  
Buffy relaxed and not just because they were far apart on the couch. She believed what he was saying. And she was no longer afraid of him.  
  
"Buffy...I'm a succubus," whispered Giles.  
  
"A...but, but that's the female form of the demon. A succubus goes after males," said Buffy, scrunching her eyebrows together.  
  
"Not all of them," laughed Giles.  
  
Buffy thought about that for a moment and then her mouth dropped open in surprise.  
  
"I told you I prefer my love with curves," he said with a wink.  
  
"You're gay? You're...a lesbian succubus?" asked Buffy, wide-eyed.  
  
"Why is that so hard to believe? Your best friend is gay," said Giles.  
  
"You did lie to me!" accused Buffy, almost getting up.  
  
"No!" answered Giles. For the first time there was a hint of anger in his tone. Buffy sat back down.  
  
"No?"  
  
Giles shook his head.  
  
"I am Giles. And it's not just because I can take on any form I choose. Um, getting ahead of myself here, but I really don't choose. I am want you wanted."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Buffy, I don't just have his memories. That would be...boring. His wants, his needs, his desires, everything is imprinted upon me, ingrained. If he didn't have feelings for you, I couldn't have come to you. Not in this form. And I only came to you because you needed me," sighed Giles.  
  
"So you one of the good guys?" asked Buffy mockingly. "Er...I mean girls."  
  
"I don't know," shrugged Giles.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
Giles took another deep breath.  
  
"Show me your true form," said Buffy firmly.  
  
"You don't understand! This is my true form! I don't exist without your need, without your desire," frowned Giles.  
  
It was Buffy's turn to look away, to think about his words.  
  
"And what is there that doesn't excite desire between lovers?" he asked softly, watching for her reaction.  
  
"Mushrooms," replied Buffy. Giles hesitated, confused, thrown...and then he smiled. Buffy blinked, then slowly looked up at him.  
  
"You didn't sleep with a woman if that's what's bothering you," said Giles dryly.  
  
"That's so far down the list right now," countered Buffy.  
  
Giles closed his eyes and swallowed hard.  
  
"I was once human, but I have no memories of who I was when I was alive. Not even my name."  
  
"None?" asked Buffy in surprise. Giles shook his head.  
  
"Sometimes," began Giles, glancing at her and suddenly looking uncomfortable, almost embarrassed. "Sometimes, when I make love with someone, I remember, almost like seeing. But it's only a glimpse, a fleeting image, lost in fog. And then it's gone."  
  
"What do you see?" asked Buffy warily.  
  
"I know that I was a young woman, about your age, with red hair not unlike Willow," smiled Giles. "When we...well, you know...I see how I died. I feel it. I remember."  
  
"Oh my God. Then why do you..."  
  
"Because without it I don't exist! It keeps me out of the darkness. Believe me when I tell you that I understand your pain, know what you don't feel after coming back from the grave. So you see? We help each other. I want to live, to feel. A need so fierce, so consuming...yet it's better than the numbness. Or the pain," he added, his voice trailing off.  
  
Giles looked at her, for approval, for disgust, maybe even for forgiveness. He only saw a frightened girl.  
  
"I just wish I knew what I did that was so wrong, what it is I'm being punished for," whispered Giles, his voice breaking.  
  
"Punished? Maybe by helping others you're redeeming yourself," suggested Buffy.  
  
"But I never remember the others," sighed Giles.  
  
"What?"  
  
"After I leave here, I won't remember any of this. I'll go back into the darkness, until I feel someone's pain, someone's...need," replied Giles, his voice full of dread.  
  
Buffy grimaced, looked away and then glanced back at him.  
  
"Will I..."  
  
Buffy stopped, folding her hands in her lap but rubbing her thumbs together.  
  
"Will you what?" whispered Giles. "What were you going to ask?"  
  
Buffy tried to take a deep breath but couldn't.  
  
"Will I remember?" she asked, her voice small.  
  
"Yes. I'm sorry," shrugged Giles.  
  
"Don't be," answered Buffy quickly.  
  
And Giles beamed gratefully. He had to turn away to wipe an eye with the back of his hand.   
  
"And if you stay?" whispered Buffy.  
  
Giles quickly turned his head to look at her, but his excitement, and hope, faded when he saw the doubt on her face.  
  
"I can be anyone you wish, anything you desire. I could be Giles when he was younger, at your age. I could be Willow if you're curious about that. I can be Spike...if that's what you need. And no one would know. We could be together as little as once a week. I only mention that because of how tired and weak you are afterwards, and it isn't safe for you to patrol in that condition."  
  
"Once a week. Is that all you need? To exist, to live?" questioned Buffy.  
  
"Yes."   
  
"Why did you hurt Spike?" asked Buffy.  
  
"A mistake. I exist only in emotions and, well, my excuse was that I thought he'd leave you, that he'd believe you'd broken up with him. But it was plain jealousy. I'm sorry," said Giles.  
  
"And the crows? What's up with that?"  
  
"Ah, the ravens. The qualm before the storm, as Anya would say. They won't harm you, Buffy. They feed on carrion...they can sense the dead. I don't understand why, but my presence attracts them, provokes them...annoys them. Hell, it annoys me," sighed Giles. And Buffy almost allowed herself a slight smile.  
  
"Giles..."  
  
Buffy hesitated, realizing that she still thought of him as her Watcher. Had just called him that.  
  
"I need you, Buffy. Just as much as you need me. I thought you of all people would understand that. When...if I go, you'll feel as numb as you did before. Maybe even worse, because you'll remember what you don't have, the memory of a love that never was," said Giles sadly.   
  
Buffy winced and stood up, keeping her back to him. She sensed that he had stood up as well but she wouldn't turn to face him.  
  
"I can help you," pleaded Giles, his voice a whisper.  
  
"But...you're not real. Just like what I have with Spike isn't real," said Buffy, swaying, a little unsteady on her feet.  
  
"Yes, I am. I am," begged Giles.  
  
Buffy closed her eyes and shook her head.  
  
"You held me for comfort, not to comfort me," argued Buffy softly, trying to convince herself more than him. But she knew it was a lie.  
  
"Do you know why he left? The real reason?" challenged Giles.  
  
Buffy opened her eyes.  
  
"You took him for granted. And that hurt him, deeply. Even more than knowing you could never allow yourself to return his love." His voice wasn't cold but his words were harsh.  
  
Buffy gasped and turned to face him.  
  
"If nothing else, believe that," nodded Giles convincingly.  
  
"No," whispered Buffy, shaking her head.  
  
"Buffy, let me help you," cried Giles.  
  
Giles reached for her hand and she allowed him to grasp it. But instead of comforting her, his touch only brought tears.  
  
"If I want this...if it feels so right, so good...why am I so afraid?" pleaded Buffy, her voice halting, in ragged gasps.  
  
"Only you can know your heart," replied Giles, bravely trying to smile. "Maybe, maybe you're afraid to trust. To allow yourself to feel again."  
  
Buffy let go of his hand.  
  
"I only have to ask you to go...and then it's over?" asked Buffy, looking up at him. Giles nodded once.  
  
"It's your choice. You don't have to decide now. Think about it," said Giles. "Please."  
  
Buffy looked down, away from the agony in his eyes.  
  
"This is real. My feelings for you are real," sniffed Giles. "And I know what you're feeling, you can't hide that. Not from me."  
  
Buffy took a deep breath, resisting the urge to hold him, to somehow ease his pain as he had done for her. But when she looked into his eyes, she remembered his touch upon her skin. And her doubts that this couldn't be Giles faded. Without hesitation she stepped up on her toes, reaching for his lips with her own. Giles eagerly returned her kiss.   
  
Buffy broke away, her eyes still closed. Reluctantly she slowly opened them. Buffy's eyes met his and, startled, her mouth opened as she sucked in a breath. He was in pain, unrelenting anguish. His face tried to hide this, but his eyes...  
  
"You'd better go," she whispered.  
  
Giles hesitated, wincing at her request. But without trying to dissuade her, he walked for the door. Buffy watched him go and smiled when he stopped. Some part of her wanted him to stay, needed him to convince her...but Giles didn't turn around.  
  
"He does love you, Buffy. So deeply. Call him. If not for you, then for him."  
  
And he left. Buffy's legs would no longer support her and she fell back down onto the couch. With her head in her hands, she cried, yet found no comfort in the release.  
  
*****  
  
There was a knock at the door, three soft raps repeated slowly, as if the visitor was hoping no one would answer. Tara flipped her book over on the bed to mark her place, kicked off the covers and peered through the peephole. She smiled as she unlocked and opened the door.  
  
"Hey," smiled Willow uncomfortably, shifting her weight from one foot to the other.  
  
"Hey," smiled Tara in return, trying not to look at Willow's hands as she absently rubbed her palms together.  
  
"I didn't wake you, did I?" cringed Willow. "I didn't think it was that late."  
  
"No. Well, I might've dozed, but I was just reading. Come on in," invited Tara.  
  
"Oh no, this won't...what I mean is, I don't want to bother you. And you're already in your PJs and, well..."  
  
"You're not bothering me. Okay, you're starting to but that's because you're being silly. Now get in here already!" laughed Tara.  
  
"Thanks," smiled Willow, her face turning a bit red. Tara shut the door behind her.  
  
"Can I get you something?" asked Tara. "Tea?"  
  
"No, thanks. Hey, the room looks...great. I like it," nodded Willow in approval.  
  
"You should. I haven't really changed anything around since..."  
  
Willow looked down for a moment and took a deep breath. Tara didn't finish her sentence.  
  
"I would've called, but I wanted to say this in person. I just wanted to get something off my chest. Wow. I remember when that meant my shirt and bra," laughed Willow, but it was a forced laugh. Still, Tara smiled at her attempt at humor.  
  
"Sit down," offered Tara, sitting on the edge of her bed. Willow hesitated, her eyes flashing from the bed to Tara and back. Tara patted the bed beside her as encouragement.  
  
"I, um, just wanted to apologize," began Willow, finally sitting down. "To believe, even for a minute, that you and Buffy were...well, together in a couple sorta way. You would never do that to me. And neither would she and not because she isn't gay although when you think about it...okay, not getting sidetracked. She's my best friend and neither one of you would ever do anything to hurt me. I just wanted to say I'm sorry."  
  
Tara couldn't help but smile.  
  
"It is kinda funny," grinned Tara.  
  
"Yes, in a tease and embarrass and mock Willow sorta way," pouted Willow.  
  
Tara tried biting her lower lip but still burst out laughing. Willow's face grew even redder but she too was trying not to laugh.  
  
"Okay, have your fun," sighed Willow, though she was still smiling.  
  
Tara clamed down and shook her head, now trying not to laugh as well.  
  
"I know it's at your expense, but it's good to hear you laugh again, even if it's an almost laugh," said Tara.  
  
"Does that mean you can almost forgive me?" asked Willow in a childish voice.  
  
Tara nodded and brushed her hair away from her eyes. Willow smiled but looked upset at the same time.  
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
"Nothing. It's just...that look. You probably don't even remember," said Willow.  
  
"Um...huh?"  
  
"It seems so long ago now. Back when we couldn't speak and you helped me moved that soda machine? After, when we talked...and you told me that I was special...your hair kept slipping down, covering your eyes. Just like that. I wanted to reach over and touch it. See, I thought you were being all mysterious and all," smiled Willow.   
  
"Aw," smiled Tara. And Willow lowered her voice to a whisper.   
  
"And, not that I knew it then, but that was when I lost my heart to you."  
  
"You're wrong. It doesn't seem so long ago. Seems like yesterday," nodded Tara, fighting back tears.   
  
"So, it's over?" asked Willow, abruptly changing the subject.  
  
"What's over? Oh! You mean the succubus."  
  
Willow nodded.  
  
"Yeah, I think so. Buffy told me what happened. But it was just...I don't know," shrugged Tara. "Too easy?"  
  
"Yeah. I mean, I never really thought about them. You know, succubi. It's like she should've been more evil or dangerous or something. Instead she was just lonely," said Willow.  
  
"It is kinda sad," agreed Tara.  
  
"But understandable," answered Willow, perhaps a little too quickly. She looked away to avoid Tara's eyes. Tara wasn't sure what to say and the room suddenly seemed smaller than it did a moment ago.  
  
"Tara?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"I always said that I would find you. I promised you that," whispered Willow, still not looking up. "But Tara, it's me who's lost now."  
  
Willow dared to look up and winced when she noticed that Tara wasn't looking at her. Wiping her eyes as the tears began to form, Willow stood up with her back to Tara but didn't take that first step towards the door.  
  
"I'm sorry. It's late. I should go," said Willow, her head hanging low.  
  
"This has to stop," whispered Tara, her voice breaking. Willow face fell, torn between the hope she heard in Tara's words and the doubt that fueled her fear of rejection.   
  
"You want me to leave?" gulped Willow, afraid to turn around.  
  
"No," sighed Tara. "No, I don't."  
  
Willow smiled and turned around. And her eyes opened wide in horror as Tara plunged a stake into her chest.  
  
"It doesn't work that way, does it?" spat Tara.  
  
"Tara!" gasped Willow, clutching at the wooden stake with both hands. She looked into Tara's eyes and saw nothing but contempt. Willow stumbled forward a step and Tara quickly backed away as Willow fell to her knees, feebly grasping the stake.  
  
"How did you know?" begged Willow. "How?"  
  
"Your aura. I can sense it. Or at least I should be able to," answered Tara slowly. "You don't have one."  
  
Willow nodded and winced in pain. She looked down at her hands, now smeared in blood.  
  
"Gotta admit, you did your homework. Holly. Works on both incubi and succubi," gasped Willow.  
  
"So what happens now?" demanded Tara, her voice firm despite her fear.  
  
"I forget," replied Willow.  
  
"You don't remember?" asked Tara suspiciously.  
  
"No. I forget. The people here, what I've learned. It's as if it never happened...at least for me," sighed Willow, coughing weakly. "I'll disappear again, into the void...waiting, until someone's pain seeks me out, their need becoming my own. I'm not evil, Tara. I'm not. I only want to help...well, and in return, maybe ease my own suffering. Even if it's just for a little while."  
  
Tara took a deep breath, reminding herself that this thing in front of her was not Willow.  
  
"Why me? Why didn't you go to Willow?" asked Tara.  
  
"You don't know?" laughed Willow, faltering. But her voice was harsh and Tara trembled as if cold water had been thrown on her.  
  
"Know? Know what?" asked Tara, proud that she hadn't stuttered.  
  
"Your pain...it's so much deeper than Willow's. I couldn't go to her. My will is not my own. I had no choice! Tara, how can you bear it?"  
  
"Sometimes...sometime I can't," whispered Tara.  
  
"I must've done something so terrible in my lifetime, so...at least you have hope. You can go to her...try to make things right, seek solace," sniffed Willow, beginning to cry.  
  
Tara winced, fighting back her own tears.  
  
"I'm, I'm sorry," shrugged Tara.  
  
"Don't be," whispered Willow, finally letting go of the stake. "You think you've ended my misery, my agony. You haven't. But...but I thank you for trying," grimaced Willow, her body trembling.  
  
Tara's mouth dropped open. And then, like Tara was awakening from a dream, the Willow in front of her slowly dissipated. The stake, smeared with blood, echoed sharply as it landed on the floor.  
  
*****  
  
He knew she was there even before he felt her ease into the covers beside him. He turned and smiled, was about to tease her with some witty remark when he saw her face, really noticed her expression. His smile faded as quickly as it had formed. Even though she was naked, she wasn't here because she wanted him. And he understood. Sex is what she thought he wanted and by offering up her body she hoped that she would get want she needed in return.  
  
Spike raised himself up on one elbow but she wouldn't look at him. He reached over and gently brushed her hair away from her eyes, his fingertips glancing across her skin. Buffy hesitated, but then nervously looked at him. Such sadness in her eyes, he thought. She wet her lips with her tongue, waiting...but Spike only smiled. He cupped her cheek with his palm and she pressed against it, her eyes never leaving his. When he leaned towards her she turned her mouth to him but Spike only kissed her hair, letting his lips linger there, taking in her scent.  
  
Encouraged by a soft nudge, Buffy rolled onto her side with her back to him. He pressed against her but only wrapped an arm around her, cupping one breast with his hand. She tensed when he softly kissed her neck, but Spike simply held her. Buffy put her hand over his, comforted by the touch of his skin against her own. She wanted to close her eyes but couldn't. She wanted to smile, to loose herself, to finally let go...but she didn't dare.  
  
Content, Spike closed his eyes and lay still, listened to her breathe, felt the gentle rise and fall of her chest. Buffy lay still, her eyes wide open, feeling his still body against her own, unable to accept from him what he offered, what she needed. But it was better than being alone.  
  
*****  
  
Buffy opened the door and smiled at Tara.  
  
"Hey. Come on in," greeted Buffy.  
  
"Morning, Buffy. How are you feeling?" asked Tara as Buffy closed the door behind her.  
  
"Rested. Not sure if that's because I slept good or because this whole nightmare is over," shrugged Buffy.  
  
"I'm sorry I called so late last night, but I thought you should know what happened," said Tara.  
  
"Believe me, I'm glad you called. Knowing it was over and really believing it, well, let's just say I think I slept easier after our talk," sighed Buffy appreciatively.  
  
"Still, it's so sad. She doesn't even remember her name," winced Tara.  
  
"Yeah," nodded Buffy, unsure of what to say.  
  
"Um, Buffy, I was wondering about what she told you. About Giles?"  
  
"What do you mean?" asked Buffy hesitantly.  
  
"Well, it's just that I don't think she would lie. She seemed so sincere."  
  
"And?" said Buffy, maybe a little harsher than she meant to.  
  
"Um, never mind. It's really none..."  
  
"No, I'm sorry. Guess I'm still a little thrown by it all," apologized Buffy, touching Tara's arm with her hand. "What were you going to say?"  
  
Tara paused, realizing that she was unsure of what to say. But Buffy smiled for her.  
  
"Go on," teased Buffy. And Tara nodded with a smile.  
  
"Are you going to call him? It's the only way you'll really know if he has feelings for you," said Tara softly.  
  
Buffy lowered her hand but kept looking at Tara and slowly inhaled.  
  
"Do you? Have feelings for him?" whispered Tara.  
  
Buffy slowly smiled and nodded.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"So you're going to call him?" asked Tara excitedly.  
  
"No."  
  
Tara blinked, thrown by her reply.  
  
"But...but why? Buffy, Giles might love you. Are you afraid he might not come back if you told him?"  
  
"No. I'm afraid he would," whispered Buffy. She stared at Tara, watching for her reaction. But Tara just stood there, gaping at her. And then Willow came down the stairs.  
  
"Hey Tara! I didn't hear you come in," smiled Willow. And then her eyes narrowed. "Are you two up to something again?"  
  
"Nope. Cross my heart and everything," smiled Buffy quickly. "In fact, I think you two should have a little time together. So...talk or something."  
  
Buffy bounded up the stairs without looking back. Tara watched her as she left.  
  
"Something wrong?" asked Willow, following Tara's gaze.  
  
"Um, no. No, not at all. I...I mean we were just talking about last night," said Tara, glancing one last time up the stairs.  
  
"Yeah, Buffy told me after you called last night. So how did you know?" asked Willow.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"How did you know it wasn't me?" asked Willow, smiling. And then Tara smiled.  
  
"Already told you, silly. No one has hair like my Willow."  
  
Willow smiled gratefully and took in a deep breath. Her face turned red and she laughed. Tara smiled in return. But again that awkward silence grew between them.  
  
"Tara, I was wondering if..."  
  
Willow glanced at Tara but then looked down at her feet. Not sure of what to do with her hands, she put them in her pockets. Tara waited patiently, not offering any help. If Willow had looked she would have noticed that Tara wasn't making eye contact with her either.  
  
"I mean, would you...would like to go out for coffee sometime? During the day. With lots of people around."  
  
Willow swallowed nervously, now watching Tara for her reaction.  
  
"That sounds...nice," nodded Tara, smiling.  
  
It took her a moment, but then Willow's smile burst forward. She brought a hand up to her mouth.   
  
"Really? Oh, it does. Sound nice, I mean!" grinned Willow enthusiastically.  
  
"But I can't," sighed Tara.  
  
"That's...wh-what? But I thought, you know, with the people and, and the daylight and...the people. We wouldn't be alone. And, and...Tara, I don't want to be pushy girl, but if there's a chance..."  
  
Willow paused to take a deep breath. Tara tried not to look at her but knew she had to.  
  
"If there's a chance that you and I could be you and me, together, we need to try. No matter how slow we take it or, or, okay, if you need more time, I can wait. Waiting can be good if it's something you really want. But Tara, I need to know. Is there? A chance?" asked Willow, her voice trailing off to a whimper.  
  
Tara closed her eyes.  
  
"Willow we've never..."  
  
And now Tara opened her eyes, her voice stronger, more determined this time.  
  
"We've never talked about what you did to me."  
  
"I know. And I'm so sorry. All I'm asking for is a chance to make it up to you," cried Willow. "Tara, please..."  
  
"You still don't get it. This isn't about me," snapped Tara.  
  
Willow blinked in confusion.  
  
"You need to think about what happened to you. Why you thought you needed that power. Why you let it consume you," finished Tara softly.  
  
Willow looked down, embarrassed.  
  
"We need some more time," sighed Tara. Willow didn't move, didn't look up. Tara turned to go but couldn't take that first step away from her.  
  
"You don't know me," whispered Willow, still not looking up.  
  
Tara turned back to face her but didn't speak.  
  
"Without the magic. You don't know," sniffed Willow, afraid to look at Tara but forcing herself anyway. "And that scares me."  
  
"You don't know who you are without the magic either. And that scares me. But I'd like to help you remember that girl. Yeah, I'd like to see that girl myself," smiled Tara.  
  
Willow wiped her eyes. Tara took a step towards her and kissed her quickly but gently on the lips.  
  
"Call me," said Tara, hugging Willow before she even realized what she was doing. Tara walked away and Willow was too stunned to move. She glanced back once over her shoulder, smiling, and gave Willow a wink. Willow raised a hand up and touched her lips, remembering their kiss. And she smiled.  
  
*****  
  
Upstairs, Buffy stood in front of her dresser, holding the framed photograph of Giles in her hands. She wouldn't cry. Not now. Maybe later, when she was alone. Maybe.  
  
She brought the frame slowly up and, with her eyes closed, kissed the cold glass. And then she put the photograph in her top drawer, covering it with some clothes.  
  
No, she wouldn't cry. Not now. Buffy slowly backed up until her legs bumped into the side of her bed. She lowered herself down into a sitting position on the floor and stared at the phone by her bed. But she didn't cry.  
  
*****  
  
"Dawn, you sure you don't want me to walk you to school?"  
  
"Buffy, go back to bed! We'll do something this afternoon. Stop being stalker-mom!" teased Dawn.  
  
"Okay," pouted Buffy. "And I know I've said this a few times this morning, but I'm only tired because..."  
  
"You were out late patrolling," finished Dawn, rolling her eyes as she quickly walked to the door.  
  
"Got your lunch?" called Buffy. Dawn held up a brown paper bag.  
  
"Bye!" yelled Dawn, closing the door behind her. She shook her head and glanced at her watch. She'd have to pick up the pace if she didn't want to be late.  
  
It was a beautiful day, warm with just a slight breeze. Dawn shifted her backpack into a more comfortable position on her shoulder and looked both ways before crossing the street. There was no traffic coming but Dawn just stood there on the curb, looking up.  
  
There, in the tree above her, on the lowest branch just above her head, perched a large raven. Its head was tilted to one side, its beak was slightly open with one dark eye staring at her. Dawn stared back at it, not blinking. It simply watched her, unmoving, unafraid.   
  
THE END 


End file.
